Friends or more? Confused.. need advice

[Lady P]

Hi guys, Newbie here, I have been lurking for a while and love the advice i see on here and now I am in need of some advice or words from anyone willing to help

so first of all I am sorry if this turns out to be a long read

So I have been with friends with a guy for just over a year, and over this time I developed feelings for him and for the first time since I broke up with my 'big love' (5 years ago) I liked a guy in such a big way, through out our friendship I didn't want to ruin anything so I never said anything to him about how i felt but I'm pretty sure I made it obvious I liked him and I kept getting mixed signals that he liked me then other times not, for example when I would see him we would be close very close and touchy feely, always playing with his hair or him with mine and lots of touching on the legs and arms but then I wouldn't hear/see him for a while (My friends were convinced he liked me too as whenever they saw us together as i said we were very close and touchy feely), we were both in our final year of studies so we didn't see each other much in the last few months (casually as friends), unless we were studying in the library and again when we would sit next to each other we would be very close.

So last week we finally met up and went for a movie and he kissed me, and It was great I was so happy that he obviously felt the same. a few nights ago I was alone at home and was just chatting to him and told him I was alone and scared he offered to come keep me company and he came around, because i rarely get to see him because he is very busy, I obviously jumped at the chance to spend quality time with him, so we just kicked back and watched a film and again he kissed me and well one thing led to another and we had sex and the whole of next day together (also had sex again lol) the sex was good, but I just loved spending time with him and that was my whole purpose of inviting him around, I honestly didn't think it would become what it did.

okay so my issue now is All along I have known he doesn't want a girlfriend and he has made that clear from when we first became friends, because his career is taking off in a big way and he says him having a girlf needs time that he doesn't have which i understand. I had sex with him because i was caught up in the moment and at the time knowing that it won't lead any whether serious. but once he went home I was alone and got to thinking I just felt really lousy and cheap and angry at myself for sleeping with him and givin it up so easily and I just think that casual sex we had has completely ruined any chance of ever being anything more because that's all he is going to see me as now.. (oh another thing in my culture casual relationships are kind of frowned upon so I can't really speak to anyone else about this.)

I Just don't know what to do now, I don't even know why I feel ashamed cause we are both adults,but I just don't want him to get the wrong impression about me because im really not the kind of girl to just sleep about, I have only been with 1 person and I don't know whether I should tell him all this, and whether he would even believe me cause I don't know if I would believe someone who was so willing to have sex quickly i mean i know we have been friends for a while but the first time he tried i gave in, honestly guys would you think im 'easy'? .now i need to know Do I contact him? he messaged me to say thanks for having him around and he had fun and its his turn to cook and entertain me next time, and i replied saying that would be great, let me know whenever your free so the ball is in his court so Wait for him to contact me again? and if we do speak do I talk about what happend and how i feel or act normal and keep it casual.. I don't wanna scare him off by thinking im putting pressure on him and im also afraid that if i act casual then he would think it was just sex to me and its something I do alot

just all these are running through my head, I don't know what to do,

Again sorry for the LONG life story, appreciate anyone who read all that I just needed to get it all out I suppose and hope for some advice or words.. anything really

[Wakeup]

Well, he told you he doesn't have time for a girl friend so I'm thinking ... He doesn't have time for a girl friend. All the rest of the stuff you are fretting about is really irrelevant at this point. If he cares about things like double standards (it's okay for him to have sex but good girls don't do that before marriage) then you telling him you're "not that type of girl" will not make him believe you. If he's not of the double standards mindset, then he won't care that you had sex with him before marriage.

You need to find out his intentions at this point before you continue in the bedroom and then decide by his answer whether or not you want to be on that emotional roller coaster if he doesn't want to be committed, or get off now before the ride makes you sick.

[IndiReloaded]

I read your post but I'm confused: what is it that you want? To be his GF? Or reassurance that its okay to have slept w/him?

If the former, ASK for what you want. If the latter, its fine. You are both adults.

[Lady P]

thanks for the replies guys, I appreciate it.

as for what I want, I would obviously like to be his girlfriend but like I said I know he said he doesn't want one/have time whatever it is, I just don't know what to do so he doesn't just see me as someone he had sex with or will countinue to have just a physical relationship with. I don't know how to act or what to say, Should I just be upfront and say what I want? or would that freak him out?

[IndiReloaded]

In my experience, men find women who can ask for what they want refreshing. Be clear and classy and you shouldn't have a problem, no matter his response.