What do you typically fight about?

[lahnnabell]

I posted a thread like this before, but no one responded to it.

I'm curious as to what you and your SO fight about? Do you pick fights? Do you think you put up with too much BS?

Are you the type to let things stew until it explodes, or do you talk about everything?

I'm curious

Me: I don't pick fights. I don't scream or yell hysterically. My father used to argue with me this way and it resulted in a lot of emotional damage and hurt. Typically, I'll think things through before I talk to my SO about them. This gives me a better handle on my emotions and ensures the outcome I want.

I don't have the need to feel right all the time. My goal with arguments is to find a mutually beneficial goal for the two of us because our relationship is the greater good. I am working toward trying to solidify my bond with this person, not cause a rift or seeking to put myself on a pedestal.

So, give me your thoughts, please.

[Gigabitch]

Mostly we fight about my husband failing to draw clear enough boundaries with other women. He's very charming and likable, and he ends up leading them to believe he's attracted instead of just friendly. He really, truly doesn't do it on purpose but he was a single guy for a very long time before we got married and old habits die hard. It's getting much better as he becomes more conscious of the effect his personality has on women and attempts to dial it back.

We had some real problems with exes of his being quite inappropriate on Facebook, voicemails, emails, etc. for a few years, but they've pretty much got the hint now. At this point, it's just making sure not to get any new overenthusiasts to deal with.

My argument style is to bring it all out and deal with it as soon as possible. I don't like to accrue interest on my annoyances.

[girl68]

He lets is stew thinking "he'll get over it" then he lashes out when it gets too bad. He's working on it. I told him he NEEDS to tell me when I do something that bugs him, because I can't change if I don't realize when I'm doing things rudely...

As for me, sometimes I pick fights just so I can be "hmp, I'm mad grrrrrrr" for really no good reason whatsoever. I'm working on leaving my happy pants on Though I'm annoyed when I feel like he's been 'lazy' home all day... and woke up late and didn't do crap around the house- that REALLY irks me. Or when I feel like he's neglecting my sexual needs.

[doppelgaenger]

I typically don't start fights, unless there is a feeling of anger or resentment that I've repressed. I'm a calm, laid-back person, and I don't like yelling or arguing, but that's because I'm patient and indifferent about most things; I typically don't let my relationships interfere with my daily life.

My gf usually starts all the fights - I think sometimes she looks for a reason to get angry and scold me, because she yells at me a lot for trivial things like walking barefoot in the house, forgetting to put the toilet seat down, or getting water on the bathroom floor after showers (we don't have a curtain). Recent example: I've been drawing a portrait of her with her parents from her childhood for her parents' anniversary - I've spent a lot of time on it, but I left some pencil shavings on her desk overnight, since I would continue in the morning, and a few of them spilled to the ground. She called me a lazy pig and an idiot and barked at me about cleaning it. Even though I was looking at a map and preparing for our journey to Africa, she refused to wait just 5 minutes. She insulted me verbally until I plugged the vacuum in and cleaned up the mess, which wasn't very messy at all, but she thought I ruined the floor and her desk. Furthermore, I wanted to wait and just clean it up when we clean the house, so I continued vacuuming the floor, and she was angry about that, too. Well, too bad lol.

Sometimes I get very angry and irritated because it's easy for her to wear my patience - and that's when I get crazy; I start pulling out my hair and banging my head against the wall. Nothing seems to silence her relentless verbal assault when she gets pissy about something and I've gotten pretty rebellious because of all that. What really pisses me off is that when she calms down (she's usually pretty calm and nice) she denies any responsibility for any of the things she says, and doesn't even recall what she said - but if I call her just 1 single name or throw one insult, she remembers it forever.

[vashti]

I used to fight.... mostly about parenting stuff. I don't fight anymore. It never did any good, anyway.... people's personalities are pretty hard-wired. Nowadays, I generally refuse to engage because there isn't really all that much I care enough to fight about.

[QueenofCorona]

My bf and I have only been together a year and don't live together yet so we don't see eachother enough to drive eachother crazy YET. He's very laid back and easy going.

The only snag we've ever hit was recently and its sort of been building up. In the past year some of his friends wives have crossed boundaries...I feel. He usually just laughs stuff off when it happens and I do trust him but I feel some of these things (one wife shoving her boobs in his face asking if he likes her cherries, on one of our first dates talking about his vasectomy, which I wasn't aware of-yet, same woman talking about my bf's ex wives crotch tatoo...another wife grabbing his junk at a party, and finally another woman asking my roommate if my bf was single and hot on fb and my roommate didn't answer her and my bf didn't mention he was taken but thought by his profile pic being a pic of us that was implied to her that he was not single) anyway I got sick of it. I feel that behavior is disrespectful. None of my friends have husbands who would grab my crotch or boobs EVER. Like I said I trust him but at a certain point I can only take so much without saying something. I can't change him, only myself.