Just want to get it all off my chest!

[onslow]

Hi, just joined here cos split up from my girlfriend on Wednesday and I really need to get the pain off my chest!

We'd been together for 7 months and it had started so well, she was the first girl I ever really loved and now I'm so devestated that it is over.

I think it all went wrong when I got a new job, because it involved night work over the weekend, I'm so gutted I took up the job now.

Usually we used to go out on a Tuesday, Thursday and a Friday, but my job took up the Thursday and Friday so for the past 3 months we were only ever seeing each other once a week on a Tuesday! And we couldn't really go out for a drink or anything cos she had college in the morning.

Two weeks ago she had mentioned on the phone that we needed to sort something out cos we hardly ever saw each other and I feared the worst, how could I expect her to love me and stay interested if we never did anything together, like we did for the first few months. Anyway, she said on Tuesday that she felt it wasn't working out so I went round on the Wednesday and she told me she wanted to be single now, I'm so upset over it. She said she still liked me but no longer loved me.

I think it was work that contributed to her stopping to have such feelings for me, but thinking about it, she never really must have truly loved me because it was hard not seeing her, but I still wanted to be together! If she loved me truly, she would have felt the same I suppose, it just came as a shock.

The irony is that I've just been informed my contract has changed so now I've got the time off but now single! Went out last night with my mates and have got a bad hangover today and the effects of alcohol have made me feel even worse over it.

Even though we hardly saw each other, I felt so happy when I did see her, I miss all the cuddles and kisses and holding hands, I'd come to depend on her and now it is gone I feel so empty and unfullfilled. I keep my phone on me hoping she will text me but she hasn't, I really miss all the texts good night and everything, it's just so unfair!!

I've text her a couple of times and her replies have been really blunt like she no longer cares, and that has shocked me cos we knew each other so long and she just cut me off and expects me to turn off my feelings for her like a switch or something. I just need to get her out my head, but its so hard, jeez life is difficult and complicated lol!

One of my mates said just remember the good times you had together, but that just makes it worse for me!

What actually makes me feel better sometimes is thinking about the times when she was moody or something, don't know why but that, well I don't know, I can't really explain it!

I know I should stop texting her and am trying really hard not to, will she text me eventually to see how I am? I hope so, because it would be nice to think at least she cares a bit about me.

Anyway, sorry for such a long post, just wanted to get the stuff off my chest lol!

[DutchBoY]

that sucks man. Can't really say anything but hang in there, hope things pick up for you soon.

[Converse]

All I can say is that it does get better after time. Try and keep your self busy, go out with your mates and have some fun. Don't text her it'll make you feel worse trust me, if you keep texting her she'll get pissed off and reply with something nasty and that'll make you feel worse. It'll get better and you'll meet some one else and you'll think I can't belive I was that upset! (That's what happened to me anyway).

[onslow]

Thanks for you replies, much appreciated!

I think I have been texting her too much and I really regret it already. I've just sent her an email apologising for texting her too much, but I said it would be nice to hear from her to let me know that she does at least care for me, that is the least I deserve, even if we are no longer together. Or at least that is what I feel.

Converse, I hope your right mate, I'm 22 now but she was the first real gf I had taken seriously and loved, so I'm not used to these feelings, it sucks bigtime!!

I don't know, I mean I just feel she is being so selfish not texting me to see how I am, cos she knew I was upset when she wanted to end it. Some might say she has to be cruel to be kind, and I could understand that to a point, but a text just to see how I am would make me feel so much better, or at least that is what I am making myself believe!

I'd be interested to hear any girls views here, just to give me an idea of why she ain't texting, or just some advice if I ever want to talk to her or something...

Thanks again for the replies so far, it is nice to know people read your problems and offer advice!

[misombra]

she's not texing you back because she doesn't want to talk to you. back off and give her some time and space.

[DutchBoY]

Thanks for you replies, much appreciated!

I think I have been texting her too much and I really regret it already. I've just sent her an email apologising for texting her too much, but I said it would be nice to hear from her to let me know that she does at least care for me, that is the least I deserve, even if we are no longer together. Or at least that is what I feel.

I don't know, I mean I just feel she is being so selfish not texting me to see how I am, cos she knew I was upset when she wanted to end it.

Oi, no wonder she doesn't text you. You're waaaay too clingy. You don't deserve anything. If you look at it from her point of view you were the one who let his job jeopardise the relationship, and now you're reaping what you've sowed. Stop this behaviour asap and try to move on. Nothing to be gained from going on the way you are.

[shh!]

She broke it off with you and is not responsible for worrying about how you feel anymore. Misombra is right - you definitely need to back off. The first heartbreak is painful for everyone, but save your dignity and leave her alone. She doesn't want you anymore. You will get over it eventually... everyone else does.

Sorry.

By the way, don't regret your having to work. Things were unlikely to work out anyway, just by virtue of your age, and you are SUPPOSED to be building a career. Unemployed men are NOT attractive. This girl just wasn't "the one".

[Lloyd95]

She's not texting you because she's over you and has moved on. sorry. You should do the same.

[onslow]

Thanks again everyone.

Harsh advice but I suppose you are all right, I need to back off, even though it is so hard to do.

Can I just ask, I've been reading some other threads, is it right that girls plan the end to a relationship before any signs appear on the surface. I mean it was so sudden it took me by surprise bigtime. So it could have been for the last month or so she already considered it over, that was why she didn't even seem upset when she told me she no longer loved me that way.

[shh!]

The signs are always there, but the guy often doesn't recognize them, whether it be by deliberate blindness or plain stupidity.

[clynn]

That's right. The signs are practically always there.

Don't regret taking the job, not one bit. You did what you could to balance a relationship around your job. Frankly, I like guys with jobs and careers much better than one who will be available to me but unemployed!

I'm so sorry this has happened to you and I'm sorry you are sad. It is very hard. The first break up is always the hardest.

Or at least the hardest in terms of coping skills...you haven't learned yet how to cope with the pain of the heartache.

But, trust me.......texting her and emailing her is not a good idea. It is a very bad idea. You are doing damage to yourself and her and it is clearly going nowhere and not showing any results. That will not change.

So...make a decision and stick with it ---- no more emails, no more texts.
RIGHT NOW!

Do whatever you need to do to not contact her. Delete her email address and her phone number.

Good luck with that.

[Converse]

Go out and have some fun, take care!

[onslow]

Thanks again for all your replies.

Haven't text her since posting here, so it is a start!

This is going to sound so silly but I just found a message she had left me on a hetcher sketcher under my bed (never seen it b4!)- I must have been in work that night cos it said hope work goes OK and just think I'll be tucked up in bed while your working lol. Then it was saying stuff like she loved me and I made her so happy and all that jaz. Made me cry actually to think how happy I was with her but think I'm going to be fine as I haven't text her and you guys and girls have made realise everyone encounters it sometimes.

Suppose it is pointless and futile going over old ground but only two weeks ago she had text me saying I was the only one she wanted and she wanted to be with me forever. When we broke up I said how long haven't you loved me for and she said it had only come on suddenly that week! Is that realistic, I would have thought it would have been a gradual process, but I don't understand how girls minds work.

[Converse]

Thanks again for all your replies.

Haven't text her since posting here, so it is a start!

This is going to sound so silly but I just found a message she had left me on a hetcher sketcher under my bed (never seen it b4!)- I must have been in work that night cos it said hope work goes OK and just think I'll be tucked up in bed while your working lol. Then it was saying stuff like she loved me and I made her so happy and all that jaz. Made me cry actually to think how happy I was with her but think I'm going to be fine as I haven't text her and you guys and girls have made realise everyone encounters it sometimes.

Suppose it is pointless and futile going over old ground but only two weeks ago she had text me saying I was the only one she wanted and she wanted to be with me forever. When we broke up I said how long haven't you loved me for and she said it had only come on suddenly that week! Is that realistic, I would have thought it would have been a gradual process, but I don't understand how girls minds work.

I never understood that either, that's what happened with my ex-boyfriend. It's really painful now, but over time it will get better, it always does. Did you erase that message on the Etch a Scetch? If not do it because it'll upset you again. I'm sorry you're going through this, matey. It ****ing sucks. (Sorry if my advice sucks, I'm not very good at it lol.)

[dono]

Hang in there dude... It all gets better with time. I recenty got out of a wonderful 3 year relationship with who I thought was "the one". Then suddenly it ended, she "fell out of love" with me, or so went her excuse. But that was a little over a month ago, going on two, and I have been fine ever since I realized the wonderful truth that she WASN'T the one for me. So that means that there will be somebody out there who's BETTER than I could have imagined. And since that thought, I've gotten over her pretty quickly.

"Better to have loved and lost, then never to have loved at all."