Should I break up with him?

[helpmeplease!x]

My fiancé and I have been together for 9 years and I have started to consider breaking up with him. There are a few things preventing me from doing this, I am scared and I don’t have any friends really so I would pretty much be alone. I do love him, he is a massive part of my life and it would be extremely hard for me but I just don’t know how much more I can take. I currently support us both financially which is one of the major reasons I am considering breaking up with him. He was always getting fired – most of the time not his fault but the worst always did seem to happen to him. He started his own business a couple of years ago, it makes no money. I don’t even think half the time he is working from home, just playing playstation or lazing about. He tells me he is applying for jobs now but I’m not seeing much evidence of that at all
Im so fed up of working hard everyday and having no money. All my colleagues go on lovely holidays and buy nice clothes, because we get paid well, but because I pay for all bills I have nothing. We are supposed to be getting married and I am constantly asked, whens the wedding, have you booked it yet, as we have been engaged 1 year and a half. Im under so much pressure and I don’t want to tell anyone no I can’t book it because we have no money and Im not sure I want to marry him now anyway. He is about 9 years older than me aswell so if I broke up with him it would be a lot harder for him to start again with someone new. Especially as he has no job and would then have no where to live. I feel trapped and I want to end this perpetual cycle. Do I give him a deadline? Is that fair? I just don’t know what to do :’(

[Starnique]

I know it sucks to work hard and not be able to enjoy the fruits of your labor. Call the wedding off. He is not doing anything to change his situation and has gotten quite comfortable with you taking care of him. That's not fair to you and why would you marry into a problem? The problem needs to be solved first. Its bad for a man not to have provider qualities. Just have a heart to heart with him and let him know you love him but you are not happy. You need to be honest with him and most importantly yourself. Even if you broke up with him, what he do from there on out and who he meets is no longer your concern so that's really the last thing that you need to worry about. That's not your problem. Worry about yourself. He's a grown man and its not your job to make sure he has somewhere to go. Give him a deadline to move out. Let him know you're not happy and you need space to think things through and be honest with him about why you are not happy. He needs to get off his sorry ass and do something and when he does have it together, then he can come talk to you. If he gets mad or don't understand, end it for good because no man should want a woman slaving for him and the household while he just sits on his ass so if that's the case good riddance.

[vashti]

Eww. Get rid of him NOW.. he won't ever change, so don't kid yourself into thinking he might. And BTW, if he hasn't married you after 9 years together, he isn't going to, and you should be grateful you aren't stuck.

[Wakeup]

if I broke up with him it would be a lot harder for him to start again with someone new. Especially as he has no job and would then have no where to live.

maybe you should tell him that. It might light a fire under his ass.

[MissTheSnow]

I am in the same boat. With the same woman for 5 years and she has never had a steady job. She says she's trying, she's been "trying" for well over a year now. I too have found myself frustrated and a bit angry that others are able to go on holiday and basically have fun. Instead I worry about paying for most of the bills and paying for both of us anytime we do anything. I tried mentioned the whole thing about her not having a place to live without me, her reply was that she didn't need me as much as I think. I finally kicked her out. She still seems to be doing the same things and seems to think I am a b***h. Funny when I think about it when I was taking care of her for all this time. Very hurtful. I hope you have the strength to move on. I feel friendless now as well. It will be hard but you and I can't continue in these relationships if they aren't willing to step up.