How to end a nine month relationship

[DarkDwarf]

Alright, so I've been in a relationship for nine months now, but I feel like I've grown tired of it. I love my girlfriend, but, for some time now, its lost its touch. I just don't like hanging out with her anymore. It's not as though the whole romance stage is gone, as I recognized when I felt like that ended about a month or two ago. Now, I just don't want to hang out with her. It seems more like a chore.

We talked about the whole situation tonight. She feels it too - knows when I don't want to hang out with her, but she also still clearly doesn't feel that way about me. I told her how I felt, and she thought I was going to dump her. I wouldn't do that, especially this close to Christmas. I don't want her to be sad or lonely, but I feel like the end is coming soon. I feel like it is just around the corner in January. But I can't stand to hear her cry. I almost wish she hated me so this problem could just blow over. I mean, it isn't as though I don't love her - I do - but the romance and a lot of the relationship part of the entire thing is gone. It just feels like empty gestures and words from me to her. Even if she still feels it.

I guess I understand how to do it. We communicate well. She knows how I feel and I think she knows the end is coming. But I want to know what the best way to do it is. What is the softest and most gentle way. I love the girl, I want to remain friends, even though she will need some time to get over me. I just feel absolutely terrible doing it, and that is what I am trying to cope with.

-DD

[lilly1185]

Maybe try doing something out of the ordinary. Road trip?

It seems a little unfair that you are already done with it and are hanging on for her. Relationships take work, and maybe you just need to see her in a new light.
Camping, volunteer work together,

otherwise, you do not love her, simply CARE about her. There is a difference.

[DarkDwarf]

Maybe you're right. It isn't love.

I don't know. I guess something like that is worth a shot.

[Gigabitch]

I agree that you don't really love her. Love is what's left when the infatuation fades, and you seem to have a lingering fondness and a sense of responsibility. That's not love.

I am not at all trying to dismiss you because you're young, but I think I must mention that I didn't fall in love, real love until I was about 21. I had a boyfriend for two years in high school and I thought I loved him. In fact, I'm sure I did love him as much as I possibly could, but I hadn't yet matured to the point where I had the capacity to really love someone.

Probably nature's way of forcing young people to mate with multiple partners or something. Mother Nature is such a whore sometimes, I swear.

Anyway, I hope you don't feel too guilty about it. You shouldn't, and if you do it will only feed your girlfriend's sense of being wronged by you, which is not the case. Breaking up hurts, but you're not hurting her. It just is what it is.

It doesn't require much explanation, since she already knows what's up. I think doing it over Christmas break is actually a good idea. It will give her time to get a grip before she has to go back to class. You don't want her crying all over her math test, right?

Oh, and don't try to be friends with her. She's in an emotional place where she'll be grasping at straws, hoping to change your mind. It would be irresponsible to do anything but NC.

[DarkDwarf]

Gigabitch -

You probably don't remember me, as I only drift in and out of here, but once again - for the one thousandth time, I appreciate it. You gave me the strength.

I did it.

-DD

[Gigabitch]

No, I totally remember you. That's how I know how old you are. Even though you neglect us, you're still one of my favorite posters.

So, how did it go?

[DarkDwarf]

Also, I'm mature and intelligent enough to know it was infatuation. I just have been telling her for nine months that it was love (well, probably more like six) that it was love, and it is almost reflex. Another reason I couldn't do it anymore.

It doesn't break my heart or my pride for someone to tell me I'm young and inexperienced!


Merging posts:

Oh, it went alright. I told her it was one of the best times of my life - not a lie. She started to cry, and she was sobbing when I hung up. But it was peaceful. No fighting, just an end.

[Gigabitch]

Did you explain about the No Contact rule being the best for both of you?

[DarkDwarf]

Yes, I mentioned it. I told her that we definitely needed to be apart, it wasn't good for either of us. I didn't want to flat out say "we can't talk ever", but I also didn't want to say "we just need time apart" (so that she might think we would get back together). I just tried to take the middle ground and make sure she understood.

[Gigabitch]

I wish all guys were so conscientious. Good on you, DD.

[DarkDwarf]

Thanks Giga.

I'm going to go distract myself at a basketball game!

[lahnnabell]

Sports = best distraction.

Way to go on the step forward