Opinion on girlfriend needing space and keeping in touch

[costanza]

I'll try and make this short. After a 3.5 year awesome relationship, the last 6 months she had kind of pulled away. Not as excited about me, or really life in general ( a bit depressed), not as affectionate, and I started to become a 2nd option to her. Also she had a couple vacas recently where she had a blast and made her re-examine her life (she didnt cheat, positive). We still got along, but besides certain times it just wasn't the same (no random texts/calls). As a side, she has a lot to figure out in terms of grad school and moving somewhere to go there. We are 23 and I know that she doesnt want to regret not going because of me (she has said this before when she decided not to apply because of me). She really does not want to settle down early which is cool with me because I always felt the same way but I never pressured her into anything.

Anyways, I ended it about a a few weeks after her vaca because I was puting in so much more (I really treat her great) and me being there for her was not helping anything. I was not feeling as loved as I used to and either we are going forward together or not. I initiated first contact a week after just because I was really hurt by losing the person I thought I was supposed to be with. About 2 weeks later she contacted me to meet up. We had a great time hung out for a few hours casually and then the last hour was about "us". Surprisingly she was very adament about us keeping in touch seemingly forever. Asking me all these hypotheticals like "when you get a gf will u still talk to me? I would talk to you". "If I went somewhere for grad school you could come visit". "Do you think this might be a mistake?". At the same time she said things like we should date other people but gl because a lot of girls are crazy. We ended it as talk to you later, good luck with decisions (I have a lot to figure out as well).

I know she is just so unsure about everything and she is questioning feelings for me, but I am just confused about us keeping in touch. Idk if I really even want to and don't really see the point, but we both agreed that what we had was special and we could someday get back together. I could never just be friends so it is almost us just hanging on, wish we had a cleaner break (something dramatic). Just want to know, is there anything here or am I just reading too deep into things? I find myself just hanging on to the possibility of down the line and it sucks to feel like she is just keeping her options open with me. I was always very cynical about relationships and I know everyone says this but I really knew we had something special.

Is there truth to girls just needing space and should I waste my time keeping in touch?

Thanks

[80r]

Yes, there are times when people need space. The most likely reason is that a relationship gets too committed when they start talking about moving in together, and then suddenly one is left wondering if it's a good idea. Perhaps there were dreams the one had, growing up, and has now been considering abandoning them for the other. 'Space' is usually for figuring out exactly what the one wants, on their own.

[Mr. Turtle]

I guess one could say I am going through the same thing. She came back from vacation and it was like I was back at square one. I went from daily sleepovers and calls and texts and how much I was liked and this and that, to "Hi," --"Hi." *Silence* I figured she needed space despite the fact that she was the more dominant force, yet I reciprocated because I truly do/did like her. But sometimes a flame will simply be snuffed out without explanation. On the backside of this, I kept in touch with an ex-girlfriend and an ex-wife (really no reason to, clean split, no financial or parental obligations for any party). I would say that when you are positive that the other is in love with you but there is that split, let it go. If there was not a fully expressed reason for why there was a split to begin with, then its not a game to be playing. Move on. It will always haunt you if you remain friends with them while maintaining a new relationship.