Jealous of my boyfriend's business trips

[Mackenzie284]

Hi there, I'm having some serious jealousy and resentment issues with my boyfriend. He travels to Europe for work a few times a year, and is currently in Sweden. As he tells it, he is staying in the nicest hotel he's ever been in, he went out for a beautiful dinner on a little island last night, and just got back from a trip to the hotel spa.

He often travels the cities he's in and finds amazing restaurants, and interesting things. He posts them on Facebook, and then I get to hear about it while we chat each day. Then when he comes home I hear about it when he talks to his friends, again when he talks to his family, and again when he talks to mine.

It's a constant barrage of how many incredible globe-trotting things he's done, with a smattering of work thrown in. He even thought about going off to Berlin to meet up with a friend of his this weekend while he was out there. This friend is also a woman he has slept with in past. I wasn't pleased with this idea and he finally decided not to go.

He occasionally tells me he would be so much happier if I were there, but frankly, he seems pretty darn happy. It's a luxury vacation for him, or it so it seems.

I'm really feeling sorry for myself, and it's coming out as resentment and jealousy, and even makes me not want to talk to him. He sometimes thinks my little green with envy emoticons are cute, and I try not to get upset for real, but I'm so jealous about being stuck at home that it makes me want to lash out.

Is this reasonable? And how do I deal with these feelings of resentment and feeling so stuck and left behind?

[solarion]

He even thought about going off to Berlin to meet up with a friend of his this weekend while he was out there. This friend is also a woman he has slept with in past. I wasn't pleased with this idea and he finally decided not to go.

This was imo a reasonable complaint, or at least not an unreasonable one. The fact that he told you about it and then didn't go indicates that he hears you and respects your valid concerns at least sometimes.

If he's travelling for work and just trying to make the best of his time in exotic places then no, I don't think it's fair to be critical of him for it. I would, and have done the same at times when travelling on business, though I'd not broadcast the details on social media. I've also made arrangements to have my significant other join me on these business trips. Is there some reason why you cannot join him on these excursions, at least occasionally? Has your relationship not progressed to the point that the two of you take trips together? How long have you been a couple?

As an aside, I occasionally take issue with the way in which some choose to portray their lives on social media, and in particular facebook. It is occasionally used as a kind of PR campaign where only specific aspects of one's activities are showcased while leaving out any mention of minutiae or drudgery...potentially leaving visitors feeling that the author's life is filled with fun and excitement, when the reality can be very different.

I think you begin to address this issue by figuring out precisely what it is about the situation that you resent. Is it that he's going on company trips at all, is it that he's going and then talking about it, or is it that he's going while you're not? Seems like the latter based on what you've written here, and that should be something you can address. If the issue is due to what you, at least perceive to be, significant differences in social status between you and your boyfriend then this resentment could be merely a symptom of a larger issue between the two of you. I added this last comment because what you said here strikes me as troubling:

It's a constant barrage of how many incredible globe-trotting things he's done, with a smattering of work thrown in.

This statement has a negative slant on a few different levels and seemingly indicates that you resent him for not just present events, but past events as well. Also potentially indicates a lack of respect for what he does to pay the bills. Perhaps you could comment and provide further clarification.

[Wakeup]

Any reason why you couldn't accompany him on at least some of the places that you've always wanted to go to? Of course you would be expected to pay your own air fair but the room would be covered and you could go dutch on your portion of any meal expenses because his meal (as well as hotel) would be covered by his employer.