My girlfriend is acting really distant, why?

[ShockWaves]

Hi everyone! I’ve been browsing this forum for a while but this is my first post ever.

I’m having a little trouble with my girlfriend Laura. We are both 19 and have been together for about 9 months now. We have never really argued, there has been the odd conflict but this has been forgotten within minutes. During the first seven to eight months everything was insane, we both literally felt like we were walking on clouds. We were so in love, smitten, and inseparable. We text constantly, told each other how amazing we felt about each other and the relationship, were all over each other and the sex was great. I never wanted this period to end; I literally felt invincible and the happiest man on the planet.

During the last two months she has been getting kind of distant. When we are together (a few times a week, maybe less, maybe more) everything is still awesome, we kiss and hug a lot. We make each other laugh, both say ‘i love you’ and just genuinely have a good time. But when we are apart I find she is totally different, almost to the point where now I am getting really down as I feel she is getting bored of me or just doesn’t find me interesting or want to be with me. She doesn’t text as often, we still text every day, but now she takes ages to reply and her replies are blunt or short. Sometimes she completely ignores what I previously said and texts me something random. We don’t have long phone calls like we use too (we use to spend like 1-2 hours a day on the phone). Sometimes she says she will call me later but never does, I end up getting a text saying she was busy doing stuff and is getting ready for bed now. At times I feel like I am giving more to the relationship than she is, where before it was 50-50.

I’ve called her up on this, asked her what was wrong whether she is angry at me, stressed or just getting bored and she says everything is fine she is just bad at texting (yet she texts everyone else fine) and we are at the comfortable stage in the relationship where we don’t need to text all the time. Yet I still get this feeling that there is more to it, that maybe she is trying to distant herself from me as she doesn’t feel the same yet doesn’t want to end it. Is this me just over analysing and thinking? Yes maybe the honeymoon period is over, but is that the only reason? I really do feel like she has got so distant that something must be up. I have been hurt before many a time, and this has made me a tad insecure, maybe it is these insecurities that are making me feel this way what do you think?

[Rumkie]

While it is understandable that once the "honeymoon period" has subsided, the flavoursome texting does diminish - I myself have had this exact problem and when I confronted mine over it, there was always something up. Always. If the girl cares about you and shows that in her actions, deeply - then such a sudden change is not accidental. Notice how good the texts were when things were, in this scenario - great? Just good texts. And the point of being together (very much so for a relationship under a year in age) - is that you truly enjoy each other. Ask her about it. If she truly cares, she'll offer up a reason why. Or at least acknowledge that something's changed. She's not a drone; she has a brain and what she was like before she knows she isn't being right now.

Bring it up. If you're serious about these feelings; she needs to know. She's the only person who can change them.

All the best, let us know.

[Prime39]

Either she feels smothered by you or she is talking to someone else. She might be talking to someone else but keeping you just in case things don't work out with this other person. I hope it's not the case but I speak from experience.

[jcowap]

I noticed when my ex girlfriend became suddenlyndistant. Like others have said, theres always somethig wrong.

What can you do though if she claims all is well and she is fine? Its hard!

Just give her space, text her less and let her come to you. Let her know that your there for her when she is ready go talk

If she continues to be distant and see's you less then i'd give it a specific length of time for her to change and opem up to you and then speak go her with a view to ending it.

It truly is an awful feeling! You dont know what to do for the best and how to handle it. You dont lnow where u stand. It truly killed me! I was constantly checking my phone etc! Good luck

[Maple1714]

I am a woman and when I get distant it's because my feelings have changed. Give her space...space is the hardest thing to give but can be the most beneficial for you! She will either realize she misses you and come back around or she will not miss you at all and then you will have your answer too. Good luck!