bad texts

[Guardian299]

I started seeing this guy who i had known previously, i got out of a relationship and started to see him at his every weekend and went to parties etc and it was great. We then sort of drifted apart for a rew weeks before texting and organising to meet up again. We see each other a few times over a few weeks and we get kissy and cuddly again as we were, and i said to him "what do you want" and he said "you...for starters". We see each other one or two days a week and i sometimes stay over his but then he stops texting me etc then says a few days later "i like you, but i dont want the serious relationship you want". i tell him im not wanting too eaither as i just got out of one (but the thing is i do want one with him but i am willing to slow my feelings down so he feels comfortable and may want to progress with time). We were back to how we were before again, seeing each other a few times a week etc, etc,but it feels different, better, like he wanted to be with me more and like he really liked me being around. But then the lack of contact comes back, this time he says he doesnt want "it" at the mo and that i forgave my ex he sees.
There is a whole other story with the ex but in a nut shell i recently was seeing my ex again but he man handled me and i told this guy and he was nice about it and comforting and i said i would talk to the other guy and leave him. The accusation of forgiving him came from friends of both the guys so its mainly just gossip so shouldnt be trusted.

This is where it goes very wrong.
I didnt like being falsely accused and was under a bit of the ol alcohol influence so text back saying he was wrong and he was the one i want (i know i should have stopped there) this continued with strings of texts about him meaning a lot to me and not to pull back from a good thing we jus started up again. (really put my foot in it)after a few hours he replied with "WTF? i said at the beginning nothing serious, slow down girl, whoo". i sent an apology text this morning saying i wasnt with it and joked that we should speak for a while.To which he replied "the truth comes out when your drunk tho" i told him not with me and he should know that andi i said it wasnt true and anything that was, was vastly exaggerated with some added bad drunken advise.

I have had no reply again, i dont know what damage control i can do, i thought laughing about it this morning would have made it ok, but now i dont know how to make him think im not a crazy person with lots of feelings for him. I dont want him to run and pull away cos he thinks i want to be serious even though i said i didnt.

Any help?? (sorry i know its long and confusing)

[Gigabitch]

Yeah, I still think he's got more than one woman on the line. His erratic behavior supports this.

Look, I've been played before and this sounds like you're going to get played. Just protect yourself.

[Guardian299]

thng is the period we drifted apart his mum told me that he talked about me alot and if i was mentioned it touched a nerve etc, etc surly that means there are more than just sexual player feelings?
i just want to know how to get him back to seeing me again after the texts. Was going to go with the no contact for a while route?

[Guardian299]

Someone must know something i can say to him so i dont scare him off cos he thinks i am really wanting a serious relationship. Would my tackt of leaving it a while then try and text to meet up be the best idea? I need to do something because he will never want to come round to the idea of any relationship if he pulls way back again........there must be something i could say or do??

[cmacattack1]

I'm just curious what it is you see in this guy. I liked how you quoted him on "I want you for starters", a cute little line that confident guys can drop. His actions speak otherwise though with the on and off, hot and cold actions. You are trying to turn this in your favor and trying to get him to change his mind about having a serious relationship when he has already mentioned it many times. While you changed your mind about it being serious, it's pretty obvious he hasn't and most likely won't. When he has other options out there and is interested in pursuing those, why would he want to change his mind anyway?

I'm not saying you guys wouldn't be good together, and it's pretty obvious you are really into him, but if what is going on isn't cutting it for you, don't put yourself through this ride. It's not what you need after the serious relationship you got out of, as I imagine you weren't getting what you wanted from that previous relationship and are looking for one that can provide your needs. Not only do I not think he can meet them, he even said it himself. He may be a great guy and he may be fun, but it's not a good time for him. Try not to waste too much time and energy with this.

[Guardian299]

If im honest i dont know what i see in him, i just know how he makes me feel, cheesy as it sounds. compared to my previous he treats me better and makes me feel good about myself and with him etc and i am really into him but i tied to tone this down so he didnt know, until the texts that is. i know he said he doesnt want to get too serious im not trying to change his mind, just be around so he might come round to the idea on his own and find he wants more than he thought, i mean he has come back to give it another go, until i ruined it with the texts. I just need to do something to make sure he is not scared off now or going to pull away completely again.........

[cmacattack1]

Don't be so hard on yourself and beat yourself up. You know what you want (a serious relationship) and you aren't fooling anybody into trying to make them think otherwise. Especially him. He's not stupid and you are just looking confused if you are trying to fool him into thinking one thing and then going back on it with your drunk texting.

All I see is a guy that is getting an ego boost having a girl chase after him and replying with snide remarks like "Slow dowwwwn girl". I'm just wondering how he treats you better than your ex's if he doesn't want to get serious with you. And I hate to say it, but the thing that will probably make him want to come around to you is if you aren't around at all, then he'll know what he is missing. I'm not telling you to play games though. I think you need to just give this guy a rest for the time being because you both want different things. He's not going to just change his mind overnight, it's going to take time. Do yourself a favor and pursue or keep your mind open to other options. There are other guys that want what you want, and this guy isn't the only one for you. Don't spend all your time scared of what he will think and trying to get him to think a certain way about you.

[Guardian299]

thanks thing is i dont even know what he means by serious anyway, i mean my idea is to see each other a few times a week and not see (sleep with) other people. i myself dont think thats a big change. i dont want anything too serious myself, i just have a problem with likeing people too much and not being able to give them space as i want to see them all the time etc, etc. He is better in some respects from my ex (who was my BF of 2 1/2 yrs ) because he doesnt manipulate or play games, hes direct in what he wants and is layed back about everything. I know he probably isnt the perfect choice for me and i think the fact he is a year younger may be playing a part in te relationship area as he wants to proceed being a party boy, but i still really like him and want to be around him. I thought myself that the best thing would be the hard to get antics and so leave him to it a while, but he is so layed back im not sure it will work, i mean even when im with him as soon as i leave the front door im the one who does the chasing to see him again because he wants to keep space and independance. Is there nothing i can do as damage control for the texts i sent then?

[cmacattack1]

Well you can't really change what has happened so I don't think there is much you can say or do to fix that. Just don't say anything at all. You are making it more of a deal if you are continuing to talk about it. Do you really think "liking" somebody too much is a problem? Are you more having a problem rushing things too fast with people? You make it sound like this is not an isolated incident. Perhaps being on your own after a relationship would be more of a good thing, it sounds like you are all too ready to jump into something new and really project your feelings of need onto the new person. To be happy with somebody else, you really gotta be happy with yourself first.

This is all presumption though. Do you feel like you give yourself enough time between relationships to get your head on straight? Those kind of issues can carry over between relationships and if you don't have enough time to sort them out on your own, you can't really work on yourself.

[Gigabitch]

Guys are a lot more simple when defining relationships. You're looking at fine points of clarification and believe me, he's not. by "serious" he means "committed", and he's told you not to expect that from him. If you try to turn what he said into what you want to hear, you're going to get hurt.

[Guardian299]

Thanks for they replies and the help.
BTW despite what i said before in the texts, he text me this morning asking how i was and what i was up to today, so im going to stick with no contact and not reply and see what he does. I know its probably not worth it in the end, but i would rather try than just give up, see what happens.....