HELP! Daughter Way too close to boyfriend!

[sg1234]

My brother recently started dating a woman and has been over her house nearly every day now for the past two weeks. The woman has a 9 year old daughter, he's been saying how "amazing" she is and all that.

We had a family function yesterday and I saw my brother interact with his new girlfriends daughter for the first time and I was a little disturbed as to how close he allowed her to be. She sat on his lap most of the time, was rubbing on his cheek, and demanded that he carry her on his shoulders when we all took a walk in the woods. Just seems WAY too close. And the mother laughs and says "she just loves him to death!"

I told him he needs to draw some lines but he dosen't see anything wrong. He lives with mom still, is 31 years old and has nothing going for himself so any attention like this he's soaking it up.

I don't know what to do! This could be damaging for all three people involved but I don't know what to do next.

HELP!

[Charlie Boy II]

That all sounds pretty innocent to me....

[Only-virgins]

I don't know what to do! This could be damaging for all three people involved but I don't know what to do next.

How so? Does he seem like he might be trying to **** the nine year old? Cause I don't see anything wrong otherwise.

[IndiReloaded]

Sorry, CB & OV but I disagree. The OP is concerned about the child getting overly emotionally attached to this man & its a valid concern.

OP: Just tell your bro what you know: he runs a huge risk of screwing up this *little girl* if he lets her get too attached to him. What he is doing is foolish & shortsighted.

He should also bring this up w/his new GF. They should date more privately for a long while.

IMO, the mother is being irresponsible (and perhaps even using the cuteness of her child to draw him in). If it were me, I wouldn't let my child know about anyone I was dating until I was quite sure things were permanent.

[Charlie Boy II]

Maybe I misunderstood, but I thought the poster was saying her brother was being sexually inapropriate with the daughter?

[IndiReloaded]

Nope, I don't think that's what she meant. In any case, assuming its all innocent, its still a bad idea to let the girl get too attached at this early phase, like I said.

[Only-virgins]

That is what it sounded like to me too.

[IndiReloaded]

I don't understand, CB. You say it sounds innocent. I agree, I don't think there's a sexual issue w/the behaviour described. Only an emotionally irresponsible one.

Just b/c one issue is innocent doesn't mean the one I brought up is invalid, hmmmm?

??

[Charlie Boy II]

??? I didn't say it was invalid. I just wondered if I had interpreted the poster's questions accurately. Why so defensive?

I think your comment was perfectly reasonable.

[sg1234]

Nothing sexual is going on from what I know. Is he capable of doing so? We're all flawed humans.

I worry that he leaves her in a year or so, and the daughter is so hurt by it that she might lie about being sexually assaulted to get back at him and to get attention. He'll end up in jail for something he didn't do.

[Mish]

Yeh, it sounds a bit too emotionally involved with the child too soon. Perhaps he's trying to show how great of a new dad he'll make to this woman?

[sg1234]

Ya, that could be the case. But how do I get him to see where to draw the line?

[IndiReloaded]

??? I didn't say it was invalid. I just wondered if I had interpreted the poster's questions accurately. Why so defensive?

I think your comment was perfectly reasonable.

My mistake, I see now you weren't arguing my point, just wanting clarification. Peace.

[IndiReloaded]

Ya, that could be the case. But how do I get him to see where to draw the line?

I already said, you need to explain to him that 9 year olds don't have emotional boundaries & he is being irresponsible to let her get attached to him when he doesn't know where this relationship will be a year from now.

This is something her mother should have already realized. You might want to point that fact out to him also. It doesn't speak well to her own maturity & is a red flag, IMO.

[sg1234]

Remember he's 31, lives with his mom still, and has no plans for life. We're dealing with a child in an adults body. He won't just listen to me, I already know that. He's attitude is that he's going to do what he's going to do.