I broke up with my girlfriend, need help!

[Meesey]

Hi my names alex and im 18. Im in uni and i just recently broke up with my girlfriend. We has been together for just over a year and i just felt like i wasnt happy anymore and told her i needed time to think. My reasons for this sudden change of heart is because I feel like I dont have enough freedom. I go to Swansea University and she lives back at home in Cwmbran, about an hours drive from uni. Well whenever im in uni, she becomes really jealous when i go out etc. I know thats natural because she obviously wants me with her, but surely she would want me to go out and have fun with my friends too? And thats what i wasnt doing, i felt bad if i ever did go out because we would usually argue about it. I just think that there just wasnt enough lee-way in the relationship, because when i came home every weekend to see her, all my time was spent with her, not giving me any time to see my family or friends back at home. I just feel like ive lost all of my friends because ive focused more on my relationship. Whatsmore, it adds to the pressure of my uni work, like i feel obliged to come home on the weekends even when i had essays or revision to do. All ive said to her is that i need some time to think. I do love her, and i really dont want to hurt her, but i also dont want to lose my friends in the process. I just wanted to get a second opinion on all of this. Am i doing the right thing? Does she think im just leading her on? Please someone help

[SamFrmMelbourne]

Have you explained to her about what you feel and why you need time to think? If you haven't, you should. I pretty much did for my ex what you did for your ex. I came to the country I'm living in for her (her parents sent her here). I left my family and friends in my home country, and used my inheritance to start a new life with her in another country. And this is something one shouldn't do. You shouldn't revolve your life around an individual.

Your ex seems to be very possessive and that was unhealthy for both the relationship and your own personal development. If she truly loved you, she would let you do the things that make you happy and grow as a person. Nonetheless, it appears that she isn't mature enough to understand this. It is not you who needs time to think, it is her. Explain to her about the issue and give her the space to think about it by herself. You need to be away from her for her to think clearly.

In the meantime, reestablish your relationships with family and friends.

[shheadz]

Am i doing the right thing? Does she think im just leading her on? Please someone help

Is "I need time to think" supposed to be your way of breaking up with her? Cause if that's the case, then no.. You're not doing the right thing, and you are leading her on.

[Meesey]

to the first reply, i think youve got it spot on. After all, she is only 16 and im 2 years older than her, so yeah i think she does need to mature a bit and stop with the jealousy etc. I just find it so hard because i went to see her last night, and i said to her "ill come up and speak to you, as long as you dont try and make my mind up for me". and thats exactly what she did when i went to see her. Okay, i can understand why, because of sheer desperation, she wants me back in her life, but surely my feeling must count for something? I cant be in a relationship where for the past couple of months ive been trying to make her happy and not think about myself (im the type of person who likes to please everyone before myself). I just ended it because i thought for once i needed to consider my own feelings.

to the 2nd reply, all ive said to her in that matter is that i need time to think because i feel so much presure with uni at the moment, the relationship doesnt feel right at this time in my life. But i hope to god that im not leading her on because thats the last thing i intended, ive tried to break up with her in the nicest way possible (if it is possible), i just dont wanna feel like im giving her false hope. I said to her, "give me a week or so and then ill come back home and talk about things". But that doesnt necessarily mean that i will want to get back together with her. Im just so confused at the moment is just dont know whaty to do...

[shheadz]

to the 2nd reply, all ive said to her in that matter is that i need time to think because i feel so much presure with uni at the moment, the relationship doesnt feel right at this time in my life. But i hope to god that im not leading her on because thats the last thing i intended, ive tried to break up with her in the nicest way possible (if it is possible), i just dont wanna feel like im giving her false hope. I said to her, "give me a week or so and then ill come back home and talk about things". But that doesnt necessarily mean that i will want to get back together with her. Im just so confused at the moment is just dont know whaty to do...

C'mon guy. You need to mature yourself if you think that's an appropriate way to break up with someone. Especially when you've been together for a year. Of course you're leading her on and giving false hope. What other way would she see it?

I suggest you go read through these forums a bit, and find all the confused men and women who've been dumped in just that way, and see how much it's hurt them.

[tufty]

oh for goodness sake he is 18 and she is 16 - how much maturity do u expect them to have?

Having said that, letting anyone down gently just makes them want you more. I dont mean you should be harsh with her - but firmness is the best way. You have to TELL her, dont open the subject up for discussion - TELL her. There are an awful lot of relatinships that cannot survive a seperation, especially in ur teenage years. You have to remember she is 16 and 16 year old girls think the sun shines out of their bfs ass, most of the time. She wants you to want her and miss her as much as she wants you and misses you, so she piles the pressure on, little does she know that that just makes the situation worse.

You need to make ur decision, you cant be wishy washy on this, it isnt fair on her or you.

and another thing, ur at uni - go and have a blast!!! thats what its for