advice needed badly - please help

[signum]

I am new here so please be gentle!
OK, I have never ever had any luck when it comes to relationships but the funny thing is I always give top professional advice to others and it always works.

in today's society, people are so obsessed with looks and never about whats on the inside and that leaves me out all the time

I dont do flings, i dont do one nighters, i dont even have any female friends to hang with and I am hurt every week. why? because I have no one, I know what I want, I am a professional (in terms of my careers) - stable, solid in every way, have my own place and brought myself up etc... etc... - still nothing

its like anything I do is never enough.

I only ever had 1 girlfriend in my life, seriously. how did that happen? Well, I dunno - guess it was a one off, kind of used me for her needs.

Any way - im very lonely, alone (no, not needy but then there is nothing wrong with that to a certain extent).

there is only so much you can do as a person to improve the circumstances, the rest is up to the opposition - know what I mean?


Any way, I have tried dating sites, never really worked.... and its just one stupid response after the other - to some extent. it always ends up like this:

"wow, your ad is so deep and meaningful, and can really relate to it."
"amazing, just great and you are too good to be true"
"if only there were more men like you that existed"

etc... etc...

time comes to trade a picture and bang they dont want to know you any more.

so hang on, because I don't look attractive but have deep feelings and thoughts etc... which initially has attracted them, they run the other way?

All they want is someone who is white and slim. thats all - so what about me? I don't fit there...aside from the slim category I guess. cant help the color I am!

I'm not fussy, im a very open minded person, and a very positive person.... trust me
I've been told im comfortable to be with....so whats the problem?

what is that all about? The end result is me still being alone but more down than before - it is a serious issue. how can I have a relationship like everyone else?

i see everyone else who have someone, i look to my left and right and nothing for me...and it hurts, you have no idea


I do everything they ask for...still never enough. I have only had 1 date this year, seriously. just 1.... others, hundreds.

why is it so much to ask for a simple hug, or a kiss? yet other "pretty" people cry if they dont get anything their way, such as a "hot white slim" guy and make a dramatic scene who really dont have serious issues.


so please, I am here for some good comforting advice... please, help a human being in need for the sake of humanity!

[ecojeanne]

trust me its not all it's cracked up to be if you're with the wrong person...better to be with none than the wrong one....anyway why don't you try a more personal dating agency...like a face to face one...ye you pay more but the people are vetted to some degree and the matches are usually calculated quite carefully

[starbuck]

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, Signum. With all the people in this great big world, there is one (if not many) who thinks you're attractive, trust me. You just haven't found her yet.

I think you're just frustrated and unnecessarily beating yourself up.

Online dating works for some, but I find that the best way to meet people is by putting yourself out there in the world. Have you thought about joining some social groups or volunteering?

[signum]

thanks i appreciate your comfortness - i need that and a load more but still its just...not right

every night now i see myself cry to sleep - just the inner something just cries...i see tears and i dunno why.

i just cannot keep waiting, been waiting and heard the whole "oh you will find her" or "not too long nor" or the usual typical sayings....

[starbuck]

thanks i appreciate your comfortness - i need that and a load more but still its just...not right

every night now i see myself cry to sleep - just the inner something just cries...i see tears and i dunno why.

i just cannot keep waiting, been waiting and heard the whole "oh you will find her" or "not too long nor" or the usual typical sayings....

You sound like you have bigger issues than wanting a girlfriend, Signum. "You'll find her," might sound typical, but if you're under a cloud of negative emotional reasoning, of course you're not going to find comfort in it.

Perhaps there are other things that are causing you to feel this way other than loneliness?

[Kromat]

thanks i appreciate your comfortness - i need that and a load more but still its just...not right

every night now i see myself cry to sleep - just the inner something just cries...i see tears and i dunno why.

i just cannot keep waiting, been waiting and heard the whole "oh you will find her" or "not too long nor" or the usual typical sayings....

Your not alone with this, I still haven't found the one, so I need to keep searching.
It's your typical lies that drive me crazy though, as I can handle
the truth a lot better and it'll take less time to get over it.

[Dasein]

Signum how old are you?

I felt sad just reading your post. As starbuck said I think you have deeper issues at play here. Not just the loneliness. You can still be alone and happy but you appear to be almost obsessive in your search.

I don't know if you have heard this before but one of the big attractions to people is confidence. People can sense others who are happy and comfortable in their skin. Similarly they will give a wide birth to anyone depressive and needy (although I am not saying you are these things).

I think you need to push these thoughts of a partner away until you find the happiness within yourself. Do things you really love. Spend some time loving yourself.

If you feel not attractive enough then try to work on things ie join a gym or get a good haircut.

The most important thing is when you are happy and confident then you will meet and attract people. Just try to stay positive.

[laura124]

You need to learn to love yourself before you are able to open yourself to others. I believe that if you have a healthy relationship with how you feel about yourself, you will not need someone else to "complete" your life. This is when you will meet someone...when you least expect it and you're not even looking!

Beliefs about yourself are sometimes hard to release. Therapy/counseling can help you work out your issues and change your pattern of thinking. Good luck!

[signum]

why are people being judgemental here?

THERE ARE NO OTHER ISSUES!!!!!!!

I'm a very professional person, are educated, have my head screwed on unlike most - there are no issues. the issue is that I cannot find someone to be in a relationship with as they do not give me a chance.

please LISTEN and READ rather than being judgemental and coming to your own incorrect conclusions

I DO love myself (not in a stuck up way like most people)....the problem is that women are judgemental as its all about looks


we all cannot be pretty ok...facts are facts, get with the times - sorry to be harsh but there we are.

I AM confident - no issues there. But it doesnt give ANYONE the right to judge you based on looks, im sure you wouldnt like it would you?


nevermind, whats the point..... had enough. sorry to even have signed up thinking I would get some sympathy or some decent guidance - not the guidance you are thinking of.... I apologise.

well, it just shows that I should never be with anyone, because clearly thats what everyone is like and you are hinting it. I am a VERY positive person but there comes a time where there is only so much you as a person you can do, the rest is dependant on the other people you interact with.

maybe is is YOU that need to change your thinking? its easier to point the finger on someone else without knowing them or being judgemental than looking and understanding yourself from outside the box.

see, this is the problem. putting someone down (then how do you expect them to jump up without any support?) for no reason without not getting to know them or what the real problem is. I am honest to myself, always have been - no lies, no mind games...no nothing. take it or leave it


enjoy your relationships. hope you are happy

[Roberto84]

Hey mate don't worry about it you are not alone on this boat. There are many more people in this world like you suffering. For instance me. I had a gf almost like 2 years a go. Oh well i dunno how did that happen either and after a year and half she dedcided to dump me. Since then i have been living a life with a low self esteem. By the way she was my first gf and that time i was like 20. Besides i didn't like her at the beginning but after all she became the love of my life. By the time she dumped me I was in a severe depression indeed. Anyway I have been looking around for a new serious gf about a year but no one has come yet. The ones i like didnt like me and the ones i didn't desire came to me. I was like wth. You know what i realized that a lot of ugly guys with really hot chicks because it's just luck and maybe some effort related about making a lot of conversations towards those girls. Therefore we need to speak with them decently in order to attract them in somewhat. The ones who emphasizes about looks; don't care about them. I am sure they won't make you happy because they are shallow.

[starbuck]

Wow. Definitely other issues.

[signum]

thanks roberto i appreciate it

thing is, i am a very deep mature sensible person which women "want" but when time comes for a picture...bang, they dont wanna know you any more. where does that leave me? STILL alone

i havent been on dates or had interaction with a female at all, only 1 and well this morning she dumped me for no reason but her own

i was there when she was crying over her ex, even went on a date with her and she want on and on about her ex, i listened being a better person as most wouldnt appreciate that, i even helped her move places this week and said she wanted to see me today....

was so excited yesterday, bought a new shirt, and this morning sends me a nasty email, not phone or text but email and thats it

what gives. what gives.

[signum]

and see - typical response from starbuck..... see this is what imtalking about

the only issue i have is you and the fact that you dont listen but make something out of nothing. that IS the issue, you.

[starbuck]

and see - typical response from starbuck..... see this is what imtalking about

the only issue i have is you and the fact that you dont listen but make something out of nothing. that IS the issue, you.

Signum, if you could see yourself the way others do right now, you'd stop throwing a tantrum about the advice people gave you.

[Roberto84]

thanks roberto i appreciate it

thing is, i am a very deep mature sensible person which women "want" but when time comes for a picture...bang, they dont wanna know you any more. where does that leave me? STILL alone

As i told you before the ones who care about the looks are shallow people. Yet they don't know what they are missing. Don't be so upset about this issue. Moreover online dating webs are not as influeantial as the real life although it helps you to find specific people you looking for. I got turned off a lot from those sites because of being rejected. Besides i feel insecure and people are prejudiced sometimes.