How do I get over his behavior?

[ssh]

I'm gonna try and keep it short.

• New Year's eve I get sexually assaulted
• A couple of weeks after it, I meet a guy and we start dating
• He is the first guy I can be with who doesn't disgust me or make me feel disgusted by myself
• I'm afraid of things going to quick, so I try to have a convo about this, but I think he misinterpreted it and thought I wanted to jump into a relationship, so he broke off contact with me
• Being intimate with him had been like therapy for me, I couldn't manage to be with someone else, so I made sure to contact him again and we started having casual sex
• Recently I found out that he had been seeing a girl at the same time as he was seeing me (after new years) which made me hurt and I just told him that I didn't think it was OK. Later on I however found out this wasn't true, the other girl that is.
• He wants an explanation to why I got so upset with him seeing someone else, and it had to do with him becoming sort of special in the sense that he was the first guy I could trust my body to. I didn't have any romantic feelings however.
• So I wrote him a letter explaining everything, about the rape and his role in everything, and that I appreciated the little time we had together.
• His response was very short. I asked him if I could see him the day after, he said sure, but then said he didn't have time when I asked him again.
• I really feel like I need to talk to him, I've never told anyone about what happened to me and I regret telling him as well. Wrote him a text asking if he wanted to see me next weekend, but if he didn't want to see me at all, he didn't have to response and I would leave him alone.

I haven't had the guts to check my phone yet, but I'm pretty sure the inbox is gonna be empty when I do. I regret telling him everything, even though he asked, because his reaction has been so frickin cold. This is exactly why I decided to not tell anyone about the assault, I was afraid that people weren't gonna care. I was right.

How do I understand his behavior and get over it? And move on.

[Poetic_Partner]

Unfortunately he should have been more understanding, but he's worried things were going too fast.

You said he was upset over your concerns about a possibly other woman. I would assume that (and you reference to "little time") means you two were casually dating - that you were still in the "let's see how well we get along" phase.

So, he's thinking "I barely know her and have made no commitment and she's worried about phantom girlfriends and sees me as her savior." Again, it would have been nice if he had been more understanding, but you can see how he may be leery of getting any deeper into the relationship.

I do hope things work out in your life and that you find another partner to help you along.

-PP

[vashti]

I wouldn't necessarily assume he was uncaring about the assault. I think this was more about the indirect expectations you placed on him by becoming upset about the other woman when you were only dating casually.

I do recommend that in the future, you be more selective about who you talk to about the assault. Many males are ill-equipped to handle this sort of revelation, particularly when it comes from a girl they aren't emotionally invested in. When dating casually, males tend to like things simple, and your unfortunate experience is anything BUT simple. Revealing info of this magnitude prematurely and to the wrong people will only reinforce the notion you have that people are uncaring, and will ultimately hurt you more in the end. Save it for people you KNOW care about you.