I'm confused...help please!!

[Jcoops]

Hi everyone - this isn't a massive problem compared to some on here and I'm not totally stressing over it but your perspectives would be greatly appreciated!

I'm a male, early 30's and have gf. I play in a band and we have female singer, the rest guys. She is dating another member of the band.

My issue is that when we have rehearsals or a gig, I find I can't stop thinking about her. I got to sleep thinking about her and wake up thinking about her. It's not like this when I haven't seen her as much. It's like she gets into my head! This will sound crazy but even when I pass somebody in the store and they have the same perfume as her I kinda like it cos it reminds me of her!

I don't think I'm interested in her romantically but I'm confused cos I think about her quite a lot.

What's going on guys?!

[TheEvilJester]

I'm a little confused, because you say you don't think you are interested in her romantically..... yet you are saying you often go to bed with her as the last thing on your mind and wake up with her as the first. You say even something as random as smelling her perfume somewhere else makes you think of her.

To me, that SOUNDS like you are romantically interested in her. The thing is, you are already in a relationship, and so is she. So it would certainly be wrong to act on those feelings at all. Not only that, but you shouldn't be with your girlfriend but infatuated, even in part, with somebody else. Don't get me wrong. I'm not intending to blame you. I realize it isn't like you asked for that to happen or can help how you feel. I am just saying, if you want to stay with your girlfriend, then you need to find whatever way you must to get rid of your feelings for this other girl.

Is the band something you just do as a hobby? If so, maybe it might be best if you leave the band. Maybe just tell them you don't have the time to commit to it anymore and realize that wouldn't be fair to the band. I realize that is probably the last thing you want to do, but if your feelings get confused every time you see this girl, keeping your distance from her may be the only way to get rid of that.

Furthermore, you really do need to think about your current relationship. Maybe it is possible that part of why you get fixated on this other gal is because you are really not that into your girlfriend. I'm not saying that IS the case, I am just saying it COULD BE. If you find that you think it is, then you owe it to yourself and you owe it to your girlfriend to end things. She deserves somebody who will be crazy about her, and only her. If that can't be you right now, then best to let her go. If it CAN, then don't allow your own confused feelings to cloud what is otherwise a good relationship.

No matter what you decide regarding your girlfriend, though, this other gal is already in a relationship. So, you really need to forget her in any romantic sense at all. If you find that too hard to do when you are near her, then unfortunately keeping your distance may be the only way. Good luck to you.