Do I just walk away

[Diamondgrl2377]

I seperated from my husband back in October. His BF had called the house and didn't know about the seperation, long story short, him and I started to talking and here we found out had alot in common. Things started to get serious, meaning we found out we had serious feelings for each out, but we both were in positions were we needed to sort things out to make this relationship work right. He was kinda stuck in his relationship waiting to sign a deal on a house. He was upfront and told me that he did need some time to himself before anything serious started to happen. I was starting a divorce and he was my rock. We had lunch together all the time. Calling, texting, seeing each other before work and after. Nothing physical happened excepting kissing and I honestly felt like I was on top of the world. We were making vacation plans, short trips etc. Anyway, one day my ex went to the house to get stuff for my kids and went through my phone. He ended up calling my "friend" and flipping and threatened to kill him if he found out anything was going on. Anyway, my "friend" calls and says "we need to let this be still forawhile until we both have worked out our situation. We both know what we have and it's not going anywhere. my heart is with you" I can respect that but there isn't a day that goes by I don't think of him. So on his b-day in April I wished him a happy b-day via text and literally we talked as if nothing happened. He was still working on his life and so was I but we both said that feelings haven't went away. Anyway, I'm always the one reaching out to him but when I do reach out, it starts things back up again for about a week then 8 -10 weeks go by and we talk again. So last week I reach out and he asks me to meet up with him. I couldn't because I had my kids, but we chatted and texted back and forth. I called to check on him because of the storm we had and said damage was bad and cell reception. But talking to him I could tell something was off. He just keep saying that his ex just wont let the relationship go, and he just wants to be alone for awhile but feeling really depressed. But I can see on Facebook her comments still calling herself his girlfriend. No responses from him. Now granted he works his ass off working 80 hours a week, so I get it. Then he tells me " when I'm ready I will make those dreams and promises happen, it's not you I'm just not ready.... i feel like i've let you down....there's just too much going on in my head and my life......I'm soooo sorry......none up this was made up it was real and I do love you... I know it....I'm just a lost soul right now and that's unusual for me.
So do I just walk away, do I check on him ever once in awhile. I'm more upset about this ending then my marriage. He is a good guy, and I do believe he just needs time, but how do I let him know I truly care without pushing to hard. I sooooo want a true chance at this realtionship. Or is he just blowing me off. My hear hurts over this. I cannot shake these feelings. It's like I'm just waiting for him to push the go button and I'm right here and waiting. I've been out but no one compares to him. Any suggestions or advice I would appreciate. Just broken hearted over this and not sure what to do.

[angelsnairwaves]

this whole thing sounds like a trainwreck. 1- he is your soon-to-be-ex-husbands best friend. 2- you're not even legally divorced yet. 3- he still lives with his girlfriend- YES- current girlfriend- NOT ex. 4. he is being super flaky.
you guys have been talking since october. it is now july and yet he still hasn't moved out, is still with his girlfriend, he still needs time to figure things out, and communication is getting weaker.
sounds like he did develop feelings for you- but now he is caught between leaving his girlfriend for you but can't decide if he wants to do that. he still has feelings for his girlfriend and feels guilty about seeing you so he is cutting you out of his life more and more to feel less guilt.
i don't think he is being completely honest with you- so you need to be honest with yourself. do you really want to wait around for this guy?
i would focus on YOU. what you really want in someone. and don't go looking for someone who is in a mess of their own. how about looking for someone who has their life together and knows what they want as well.

[angelsnairwaves]

if worse comes to worse, you can confront him about his feelings for his girlfriend and his intentions with her. then lay your feelings out for him. then tell him you have waited long enough. that you are going to move on. if he comes around, great. if not, great. because although you WANT him in your life, you don't NEED him and you'll be just fine without him.

[Diamondgrl2377]

I appreciate the response. A part of me does want to walk away and that I deserve more then just waiting til he's ready. You are right it's a trainwreck and I think it's time for me to just move on and just cherish what we did share. The whole communication thing through me for a loop. But also tell myself, if he wanted to call he would, no excuses. So thank you for your help. It's not easy but I don't deserve just half of him. Thank you again.

Just FYI - he did settle and move out end of May into his own house but still talks with her "because they have history". I don't know what their relationship is, because he told me he needs to end it, but was stuck because of the house deal. I guess because of my personality, it's either black or white, and if he really wanted to be with me, he would had figured out a way to make it work instead of walking away. I know it's a small step, but haven't sent him a text or call since Sunday. Longest I lasted was 2-23 to 4-11.