moral dilemma, stuck inbetween

[miSSleepy]

Hi everyone who remembers me, haven't been on in so long! I will be more active now, just have been flat out.

I have no relationship issues at the moment, but I'm caught between a rock and a hard place regarding someone else's.

I have a friend who I have known since highschool (call her Jane). We've been pretty superficial friends, but we never fought. We never had any real deep and meaningful conversations, it's been very...flat. I've known her for about 7 years.

I've known her (now) ex for 4 years (call him John) - more of acquaintances, but they met through me.

The first year of their relationship I was pretty much forgotten by her because she was always with him and never agreed to do anything together. I think I saw her 3 times in that year.

Then things started getting sour I noticed, although she may not have. i noticed because I began to see her more and she was making bitter remarks about him. They had bought 2 dogs together.

This girl is always trying to out-do me, she's very tactless about making remarks about me in front of others, doesn't care much for what I have to say and is very attention seeking of other guys.

During the sour period of her relationship she told me she has been giving blow jobs to another guy (call him Tim).

She has asked me to lie for her regarding where she was; she'd tell John she was with me when she was out with others, 3 times to my knowledge and plenty of other times without even consulting me.

When they split up, I became the main person John talked to. He told me she thought I was jelous of her whole life. Recently she told a group of my friends (that i introduced her to) when I wasn't there that I lead guys on.

She has snapped at me for hanging out with John and for adding Tim on FB.

John just wants to know why things went sour, what happened? He knows how much she's lied and how many guys she's been hanging around.

Do I tell him about the blow-jobs?
He deserves to know and I don't feel good about keeping it from him, especially after he's specifically asked me what's wrong with her and how much he needs to know for some closure.

I've known him for a shorter period of time, but have in the last week had deeper conversations with him than I've ever had with her.

My bf thinks she has revoked her privileges for my secrecy.

What do i do?

[Bumble_bee]

if they have already broken up then you risk increasing his pain, and breaking a friendship. I'd leave it for now.


best wishes

[miSSleepy]

I really don't care about the friendship anymore.

It is his reaction that's the dilemma ... he wants to know for closure, and he might also find out later that I knew and never told him...

[Bumble_bee]

I get that you do not care for any friendship with her, I meant your friendship with him, if you feel it will clear some things up for him, then I'd tell him that she used you as a cover a few times, without you knowing until after, I wouldn't go into gory details.

[Petit Papillon]

I think You're already pretty convinced about telling him it. If Your 'friendship' is already over and he needs a kiss of death for this relationship then I would say, give it to him. Maybe he still have some doubts and doesn't know if he really should finish this all and by knowing that she was also a cheater,it might help him finish his hopes. Maybe don't say any details ,just say You know she cheated on You.

^ Or how BumbleBee says - also a good idea.

[miSSleepy]

My mind had been convinced to tell him, but only based on my reasoning and two other people's opinions.
But still, it isn't something I'd do lightly and I still have doubts... that's what I'm asking here, for opinions I haven't heard/thought of.

[Gigabitch]

Hey miSSy.

You were totally complicit in the blowjobs thing. Don't do that again, especially not for a shitty friend like Jane.

It's not your responsibility to provide John with closure. You can't, anyway. You can tell him his girlfriend was a cocksucking whore, but that won't really tell him WHY she was blowing this other guy. That's not closure.

I don't really have an opinion either way. If it were me, I guess I'd keep quiet about it because of the fact that I covered for her in the first place and I would feel guilty about that. Then again, I might want to come clean about it because guilt feels terrible. I don't know.

What's your real motivation for telling him?

[girl68]

I'd tell him about the hanging out with other dudes. You don't need to tell him she's blowing them. What kind of closure is that going to give him? He's going to know not only feel dumped but cheated on too. That's not closure that's more hurt, more pain.