Self-Esteem (+ girl issue)

[UnknownSolider]

Hi all,

I have a problem I'm looking for some help with. I'll try and keep my post as short, but as detailed, as possible.

There's this girl I've been talking to over the internet for quite some time. She's an extremely nice girl and we get along with each other well. We hope to meet each other eventually (perhaps even this year) and I really want to make a good first impression when the time comes. I've grown quite fond of her and there's small hints that she may like me too, so with any luck things will go really well and something may happen between us.

But that's not really what I came here for. My problem is my self-esteem (or lack of). I think my lack of self-esteem is because of the fact I was bullied through Primary and Secondary school. I never really had the chance to make friends, and spent most of my free-time at home. Ever since college I've been fine, however it's had a huge negative impact on me as a person and I wish to improve myself (especially before meeting the girl I mentioned). I've been working on things to help improve my self-esteem, such as getting a job, learning to drive etc, but I've still got a long way to go. I really want to improve my self-esteem, I just need a few more idea about how I could go and do it.

Another problem is, this girl is very intelligent, very beautiful, and very social. Having not met her I cannot really pass full judgment on her character, but she definitely has higher self-esteem than I do. I, on the other hand, am the exact opposite. Though I'm intelligent, I have no where near the amount of education and knowledge that she does. In regards to being social, whilst I'm able to speak to people and make friends, I'm generally just a shy person and don't often that that. I just can't help feeling that, if anything did happen, she'd be better off with someone else (who's doing well in life, has higher esteem, has similar intelligence etc). I don't know whether or not that makes me insecure, or if this is just a common concern amongst people. Surely she (or anyone else like her) would be better off dating someone else than me?

Finally, I'd just like to point out that I'm 17 and she's 18. I've been told on numerous occasions I'm a nice guy and would treat a girl well in a relationship. I just fear that, in this case, I may be trying to start a relationship with someone who could do better. Even if it doesn't work with this girl, I could still do will the advice to improve my self-esteem for possible future relationships.

The questions I have for the community are these;

1) Would/Could a relationship work between a low self-esteem person and a high self-esteem person?

2) What should I do in order to improve my self-esteem?

3) Could she do better (bearing in mind about what I've said about each others characteristics)?


(I don't think this post is that well written. I was a bit rushed. I hope I made sense. )


EDIT: Having noticed the sticky at the top of this page regarding "Internet Relationships", I'd just like to clarify by saying that if something happened between us, despite having originally met via Internet, it wouldn't be an internet relationship as she's moving to England.

[bah]

I don't think you should meet her with a relationship in mind but rather friendship. I've been in your situation before and let me highly encourage you to take your time. Online friendships are NOT the same as offline. The result can be a huge disappointment for you.

Maybe you were bullied as a kid but you are responsible for your self-esteem now. I, too, had issues similar to this as a kid but it is all about self improvement. Start reading online about self improvement. My favorite site: [url=http://www.pickthebrain.com]Motivation and Self Improvement | PickTheBrain[/url]

[UnknownSolider]

Thanks for your response bah.

I understand. The problem is I don't wish to show no interest what-so-ever as I don't want to be placed into the Friendzone and my chances diminished. But yes, I will definitely take my time. I want to see if there's any chemistry between us in person first. I may be young but I'm not stupid.

I also agree with the "being responsible" for my self-esteem. I will take a look at the link.

But, I must ask, could a relationship between me and someone like her actually work? I just don't understand if someone with her characteristics would be better off with someone else or not.

[bah]

I think so as long as you work on yourself.

[nahNiku]

I think that nothing can interrupt relationship between two people who likes each other. And there is an expression - different people attract each other...

So relatiopnship between you two definetly can work But listen to the previous comment and don`t meet her with a relationship in mind.

[VincenzoG91]

Today is the day that you stop defining yourself as a guy with low self-esteem. That label isn't helpful, and it's going to hold you back if you let it stick.

Next, think about something that you're good at. How good are you? Whatever the answer is, spend some time getting even better, so you have something to be proud about.

Take on something new, and work on that, too. Maybe learn another language, or ballroom dancing, or how to work on cars. It doesn't matter what it is, just take on something new that's outside your normal comfort zone, and work on it. It will be uncomfortable at first, but you will be learning alongside other people who will also be struggling. As you get better, you will feel better about yourself.

Do some volunteer work. You're not getting paid for it, so you will probably get praise and thanks just for showing up, and any fair effort after that is great. You will feel great about yourself after doing some volunteer work.

Finally, get more exercise. It's a good way to cope with stress, and as you get more physically fit, you will have something else to feel good about. Women will find you more attractive, and you will be healthier.

I realize that these are some time-consuming suggestions, but they will get you out of the house more, and you will soon be too busy to feel down about yourself. At some point, you will look in the mirror and realize that you're a more confident and successful guy. Also, if you have all these activities, you will have less time to obsess over your internet crush, and when she finally meets you after moving to the UK, she will be more likely to be impressed with you. If things work out between you two, you can always cut back on the other activities. Keep an open mind, and you might just meet somebody else, maybe in a classroom, or maybe doing volunteer work or exercise. The possibilities are endless and exciting, don't let them narrow down to the opinion of one person you met over the internet.

[UnknownSolider]

I think so as long as you work on yourself.

Thanks.

I think that nothing can interrupt relationship between two people who likes each other. And there is an expression - different people attract each other...

So relatiopnship between you two definetly can work But listen to the previous comment and don`t meet her with a relationship in mind.

Thanks again. She's a very nice girl, and I'm quite surprised a women like her is actually talking to me on a regular basis. I just hope things go well.

EDIT:

Thanks VincenzoG91, I'll definitely look at doing some of the stuff you suggested. I'm already looking at doing an apprenticeship some-time soon with BT (something I normally wouldn't have considered), so hopefully that'll have a positive effect on me.

[UnknownSolider]

Giving this a bump as more/different people are on now (meaning more advice ).

Have read the rules and didn't notice anything against bumping, but I apologize if I've done something wrong.

I suppose the main issue now is the problem about me thinking others being "better" than me. I know I'm not a bad person, but when I think about the amount of people out there with musical talents/active hobbies etc I just can't help feel down about myself.

I just have this imagine in my head of any women I come across being better off with someone else who's more financially stable etc.

Best to get the advice now than suffer later I think...