Why won't she Talk?

[fixbayonets]

Any input is appreciated...

This girl and I have been together for about 6 months now. I love her very much and the thought of her not being around tears me up inside, but Im not sure what to do. Almost immediately after we got together, I was called up for an 18 month deployment to Iraq. we had 2 months together before I left, and things were as good as they could be under the circumstances. She said she would stay with me while I was gone, and when the time came, we said goodbyes and I left. Well, about a month into the deployment, Doctors discovered I had a lung condition which forced me to come home. This is not as great and wonderful as it sounds. Even though I got to come home, 130 of my good friends are going to war without me. She thinks, and I would agree to some extent that this experience has changed me, and that Im not the same as when I left. Anyway, we've been together since Ive been back, and I have noticed that things arent as great as they were before I left. I agree that I probably have changed and that has affected our relationship, but it doesnt help me to solve our problems.

My main problem in the relationship is that she doesnt bring her problems to me, keeps to herself, and sometimes her actions give me the impression that Im not really necessary in her life. Even when we go out to eat or something, if I dont try to start conversation, not a word will be spoken the whole time. She also has some trust issues, she's nervous if I pick up her cell phone or use her computer (no she's not cheating on me as far as I know), but like I said, its things like that that make me think she doesnt trust me enough to 'let me in' or consider me valuable to her life.

Well anyway, 2 nights ago we got into an arguement over something I said, and she told me that I say things that make her fell bad and that I condesend her and make her feel younger than me(Im 23, she's 19). She also said that I make her feel like nothing is right unless I think it is. I told her that I didnt realize I was doing that or making her feel bad, and the REASON I didnt know is because she will never talk to me about her feelings, EVER. Anytime we have a conversation that has an element of confrontation in it, she just looks away, doesnt say much, and shruggs her shoulders.

Anyway, she gave me the impression that if things dont change, she doesnt want to be with me anymore. I dont want that either, but I dont see how they can If I cant get her to be more open with me. She's not the only one who feels the strain on the relationship. I feel like she wants it fixed, but doesnt want to participate, she just expects me to change it all or whatever and do it all myself. This is something I wont be apart of. I have to be able to talk to my partner and More Importantly, they have to be able to talk to me.

Can anybody make sense out of this or help me to see how I can get her to open up to me? Communication between us is about the only way I can see that will make our relationship stronger. HELLLLLP!!! I DO NOT WANT TO LOSE THIS!!!

[Kel]

ok...i can relate to this, when i was 16 i went out with a guy that was 21 and he was constantly making me feel like i was 2 years old, im not saying you are like that and i know 19 and 23 are a bit different to 16 and 21 but its just my story...anyways i'm just saying even though you may not mean to make her feel younger than you doesn't mean she won't make herself feel like you're treating her like she's your little sister or something...i dont know if that makes sense but anyways...i'm sure you are important to her and valuable in her life but she may be insecure about the way you feel. She may feel that you don't feel the same way she does, or she may have been hurt previously in a relationship and it may take a while for her to trust someone again. this doesn't mean you dont deserve an explaination...she's obviously got some kind of problem and you need to talk to her about it. you need to reassure her that she can talk to you about anything, any problems or concerns she has and you need to try and get her to tell you why she has trouble trusting you. she sounds a lot like me...i have a lot of trouble trusting people, especially my boyfriends, and it does take time i guess...you wont lose her if you try and get her to talk about it...i don't know if this will help...good luck

[fixbayonets]

Ive tried a hundred times to get her to talk to me, and usually the GIRL is the one who never can get the guy to talk to her. She just avoids eye contact and shruggs her shoulders like she couldnt be less interested. As far as her making HERSELF fell like Im treating her that way, HOW THE HELL do I get her to stop that? She says she wants to make the relationship stronger, but she wont do Anything to actually help it, she just keeps secluding herself and acting like I dont exist. Its becoming really annoying.