30 years old and currently experiencing first relationship

[kenman2626]

Hi, I'm new, just going crazy and needed to talk about this with someone or at the very least get my thoughts out there.

30 years old, never been in any sort of relationship, no one night stands, not even kissing then BAM! suddenly am introduced to the most perfect girl I've ever met. She really does ticks all my boxes. We start dating and now 3 weeks later and we're still seeing each other regularly.

It took 3 dates for me to finally make a move, from there we got pretty intimate with cuddling, talking, kissing on the couch for hours. She has stayed over twice, first time I tried to take things further but she wasn't ready. So we just slept together. Second time I managed to get her more excited to the point where she asked if I had condoms, said she was 'horny'. For some reasons this set off alarm bells in my head, I didn't want our first time to be just mindless sex. She started talking about how it would change things making me think she still wasn't really ready so I cooled it off and again we just slept together.

Since then we've still met up and got along but she seems less into me, on Friday we went to a outside cinema and had a great time and back to my place but she explained that she was tired and was also having problems with a bleeding scalp and said she didn't want to stay incase she messed up the pillows and that she wanted her treatment for it which she left at her place so I walked her home and kissed her goodnight. During that whole date we were only intimate for about 5 minutes compared to the usual 'hours'.

Then last night she invites me over as her landlord (and her BF) that she lives with is away, she makes me a nice dinner and we have some great discussions but nothing related to our 'relationship'. We eventually sit on a couch but she doesn't get close. I put her legs over mine to make her more comfortable but we just talk. Then the landlady comes up and I get ready to go, she says she 'might come over and drop by quickly to pick up' her eye solution which she left at my place. I'm not sure if she was just saying this because the landlady was close by but it hurt my feelings. When we said goodbye it was a bit awkward as the landlady was there and I didn't want to potentially embarrass her by kissing so I just waved goodbye.

It really feels this relationship is going backwards, I'm thinking of just asking her to sit down when she comes over. Cuddle her and just ask to relax and be honest. Mention that I think this relationship is going backwards and ask her to just be honest, tell her I won't be upset with her if she wanted to call it off. Is that too serious for such a early point in a relationship? I don't want to be seen as overbearing. Also I'm thinking of telling her this is my first relationship, on the off chance that it might make it easier to understand where I'm coming from.

I really like her, to the point where I'll put off invites from friends just to make sure I'm available incase she wants to meet up. I know that's wrong but if I go off with friends I know that I'll just be thinking about her all the time.

Any thoughts/advise would be very much appreaciated.

[NinjaPirate]

Hollywood is not real! First of all, don't seek for the Hollywood moments, where fireworks starts kicking in when you kiss each other, or have a romantic dinner first in front a fireplace then go to bed and have sex. Those are all fake, don't put your expectations that high.

Putting off invites from friends is wrong indeed, you should go on with your life, doesn’t matter how you’re bleeding from the inside. Give her the opportunity to miss you, don’t be so vulnerable by telling her that you love her, rough said don’t be a softy, women like men that stay interesting/ hard to get.
If you show all of your vulnerable sides to her, trust me it will kick her off.

To sum it up:
1) Don't punish yourself, go try to have fun
2) Let her miss you
3) Show her that you’re still interesting, be fresh, buy new clothes, get a new haircut, go to the gym. These things will either distract you from your pain, or make you more interesting.

[Phoenix23]

I would hope none of that advice is truely necessary in all relationships. It is so shallow and calculated.

[NinjaPirate]

True, I forgot to mention that. It changes from relationship to relationship how people react. This is just a tip, not a solution.

But I don't see the down sides of being, or at least trying to be positive and fresh. It will just boost your confidence.

I'm not an expert or something, hell I'm in a bad situation myself. My purpose is to brainstorm.

[kenman2626]

still appreaciated ninja, going to try and get out and do something today.

[surfhb]

Mindless sex! Is there any other kind?

[Kiechi]

Just stick it eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen.

[Wakeup]

Then last night she invites me over as her landlord (and her BF) that she lives with is away,

Before I tell you to fk off and that she's lost interest in you because you didn't screw her when she was ready, can you explain what you mean by her "BF") please.

[rafterman]

Im reading that as best friend W/U. Yeah confusing.

[Wakeup]

Tks Rafter... In that case. I believe she's losing interest because you failed at the "hit me on the head and drag me to your cave" opportunity. Next time keep women out of your bed unless you have concrete plans to have sex with them.

One's bed is for:
Sleeping alone,
Having sex with and sleeping with afterwards,
Cuddling with someone you've already had sex with.

You have a girl/boy in your bed before any of those three and you'll find yourself like OP or confused ~ one or the other.

IMO.

[Cerby]

Tks Rafter... In that case. I believe she's losing interest because you failed at the "hit me on the head and drag me to your cave" opportunity. Next time keep women out of your bed unless you have concrete plans to have sex with them.

One's bed is for:
Sleeping alone,
Having sex with and sleeping with afterwards,
Cuddling with someone you've already had sex with.

You have a girl/boy in your bed before any of those three and you'll find yourself like OP or confused ~ one or the other.

IMO.

You missed "Building a Fort", I'm 27 and still do this, and its f*cking awesome.

But I agree with your assessment, came to the same conclusion when I read the OP. Being 30, the time for a "special" first time is long past gone, you're way behind and when a women asks you the do her, you DO HER! You don't decline or push her away! I agree that she has lost interest because you didn't have at her when she wanted. A whole series of red flags went up in her head at that point, and now her mind is wandering elsewhere.

[Wakeup]

You missed "Building a Fort", I'm 27 and still do this, and its f*cking awesome.

lol.. How could I forget that one.. Awesome, for sure, especially when you're doing it with someone you just had sex with.

[rafterman]

^^^ Can someone explain that me ...briefly.

[Wakeup]

What the "Building a fort" or, doing it with someone you just had sex with?

You never built a fort with your sheets and blankets when you were a kid?

[rafterman]

O.K I get what your saying I was thinking of something else.....Tnks.