My mom has breast cancer...

[TheTooya]

Well, like the topic just posted: I found out yesterday my mom has breast cancer.

Honestly I feel a little freaked out, but thats it... I'm not sure whats the most appropriate feelings I should have. I'm 23, so I am no longer living with my mom. I changed my vacation plans up for the winter such that I will be spending more time with her.

But, ... well, shit. I don't know why I am posting here. I guess I needed to vent to an anonymous forum :/ I told my two closest friends, and have not told anyone else...

[misombra]

I'm so sorry toya. I hope everything works out ok for your family.

[bloodtippedrose]

My dad is in stage four colon cancer and I found out not too long ago.
If your mom is in an earlier stage of cancer then theres alot of hope and the fundraiser fad is all about breast cancer right now, theres even state aid just for breast cancer patients.
When I found out I was shocked and sad, felt like nothing I was doing mattered and felt guilty for being at school doing homework or anything. My brother, sister and i found alot of time to go spend with him and we educated ourselves about his disease. We cant do anything but make sure hes going to treatment and help knock off some things from his bucket list. I see his situation as a learning experience, that I and whoever I love will always get checkups! You cant change whats happening to her, you can only help by making her proud of you and spending lots of good times with her. Hopefully she joins the thousands of breast cancer survivors! And be sure to give yourself regular checkups now that you know its in your family

[vashti]

Sorry to hear tooya... be sure to take care of yourself, too.

[TheTooya]

Thanks everyone :/

@bloodtippedrose
I don't know what stage my mom is in. All we know now is that she had a biopsy a few days ago, and will need to have surgery next week on Wednesday. Shes in Japan, the extent of closeness I have is talking to her on the phone, which I have been doing.

I think I am perfectly fine... I am trying to be optimistic. That said, if anything bad happens to my mom I'll probably be less than fine.. no idea..nevermind, positive forward thinking!! :\

[Gypsybell]

Hello The Tooya,

You posted here because you need some help out of the blue, little one, and that's okay because when those we love are threatened we will do ANYTHING to find answers. Let me see if i can be constructively helpful. Among other things, I am a specialist cancer nurse, plus I lost my son and my father to it, so I know what you need to know at this point. One is, what's going to happen, and two is, what can you do to help.
Breast cancer is very treatable and is rarely fatal. The worry factor is depenant on the grade of the tumour, that is, if it is encapsulated and confined to one spot (localised), or has 'metastasized' (broken out of it's capsule and sent cells via the blood stream to other parts of the body) . All are treatable, the success rate is good and the treatment varies for the stages and is innitially very scary and confusing to the patient and their family. Losing the mystery is of paramount importance.
The basic course of breast cancer goes like this. DIAGNOSIS, SURGURY, CHEMOTHERAPY OR RADIATION OR BOTH, the latter can be together but is usually chemo first, followed by radiation. And EVERY CASE IS AS INDIVIDUAL AS THE PERSON SO SHOULD NOT BE JUDGED BY WHAT JOE BLOG'S MOTHER'S AUNTIE HAD! Do not be counselled by scaremongers. EXPECT THE WHOLE THING TO TAKE ABOUT A YEAR FOR YOUR MUM TO GET THROUGH, And be prepared for her to get pissed off with people hovering over her with a pick and shovel. She does not want anyone around her who believes she is going to die, because she needs to believe that she isn't! And that's quite valid, so take a breath and lighten up.

The worst time is immediately after diagnosis. When one is told they have cancer, but then have to wait for an appointment with various professionals to get pieces of the puzzle together, while their brain just screams FOR GOD'S SAKE! SOMEBODY DO SOMETHING! But the system just takes its time. Meanwhile, the family starts gathering for the funeral and the victim is stressed to the max trying to deal with their loved ones distress, and no matter what platitudes are handed out, they are totally alone in their own fear and the horror of it all. There are two important things you can do here.
One, is Go to an oncology outpatient dept (or contact one at your nearest centre) and request specific pamphlets of information (these are freely available to all cancer patients and their families) and educate yourself and as many family members as you can. so they don't have to keep asking your mother the basics.
Two. Try to be supportive in a positive way. The one thing cancer patients long for is just ONE NORMAL DAY! Sure as eggs the minute they manage to get their minds off it and focus on something else (which is essential for their stress levels) some well meaning friend or relli will call or show up and want to discuss the grim details, FOR THEIR OWN BENEFIT! because this does not benefit the patient at all. It is important your mum knows you care, but she does not need to be more worried about how you are coping than herself. So you can help by keeping others informed, and by suggesting they don't bombard her with visits from people when she is sick from chemo and to limit their phone calls to a prearranged time of day so they don't disturb her rest. Do some housework for her. Tell her all the funny things that are still going on in the world. And don't forget your dad, if he is in the picture, he needs to laugh occasionally. And get some of the literature for the husband re the obvious. Men often feel pretty helpless in this situation.
I can tell you more about the different stages of treatment and what to expect, but hopefully the cancer team will guide you all as a family. Its what I used to do. I wish you well, The Gypsy.

[Deeza07]

Ohh sweetie I feel for you...I can't even imagine how you feel.

My mother in law, who I was very close to at the time was diagnosed with breast cancer 5 years ago. I felt like someone had moved the floor under me, I was off kilter for days in shock...she had surgery to remove a lump the size of your fist from her left breast as well as several nodes. She underwent chemo and radiation and pulled through it all. She got quite ill during chemo with pneumonia, and later on a heart attack. But today she is cancer free, all her tests are coming back clear. There is hope, and your positivity will go a long way in helping her.

If you need to chat/talk/vent, feel free to get in touch

[vampiress]

I'm so sorry to hear that. Just make sure you're around when she needs you.
Hopefully she'll get well soon.

[Jenswaiting]

I'm sorry to hear this Tooya. At least you know you're not alone ^^^^ . So many people have been affected by cancer in some way or another. I wanted to reply yesterday but I'm managing with similar news myself really. My mother was diagnosed with Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma many years ago and she completed her course of treatments twice and her cancer went into remission. Unfortunately this past week her doctor informed her that it's active again. I'm happy to note that my mother is feeling rather confident as the doctor said it's curable.

Try to be as supportive as you can and I wholeheartly agree with Gypsy's advice; "It is important your mum knows you care, but she does not need to be more worried about how you are coping than herself."

[HeartIsAching]

Oh man, I'm so sorry to hear that. Hopefully they caught it early and a minor surgery will take care of it.

[TheTooya]

Well, Gypsey, my mom is immediately after the diagnosis... so lots of stress until next week on Wednesday/Thursday.

She immediately was assuming the worse ("___ died to breast cancer several years ago"), so I told her breast cancer is more recoverable.

She seemed to want to talk about my life more. I live in a separate world from mom (across the globe, in fact), so that was what I did. Maybe just emailing her, telling her how my life is going can be a good start :/

Thanks everyone

[vampiress]

Don't worry. people no longer die of breast cancer... especially when it's detect on early stages.

[Vanity]

My mom has cancer too. Past year she has been in and out of the hospital undergoing chemo. It's hard sometimes, but you just gotta stay hopeful.

Also, breast cancer is the most curable cancer out there and very few people die from it so I'm sure she will make it through =)

[Devilsbane]

So sorry to hear My grandma had both of hers removed and has been going strong, been 20+ years. There is still hope.

[vashti]

Tooya, what stage is your mom?