Chasing The Same Girl

[MendozaMan]

Hi everyone, would love some feedback from the women on this forum...ok so I don't even know how to start.

Theres a girl that has always been in my life, (our families are friends) and we all use to live in the same state. i moved away from NY and moved to GA when I was really young so I didnt grow up with her. I really met this girl when I was 19 at a family reunion type of event in NY and she was 16. i fell in love at first sight. anyway from the beginning i let her know how i felt. maybe expressed too much. at any rate over the course of the years she still lives in NY and I live in GA. the distance keeps us apart, but as time goes on we hardly speak. but when we do its built up on a lot of intense emotions (at least i know from my part) and we get really close and then she just gets detached, and i get frustrated and we always fight and dont speak for a year at a time. we have never been in a relationship....but the one time she decided to ever kiss me was 2 years ago and it was while she was in a relationship of 3 years. i met her when i was 19, and i still have strong feelings for her now and im going to be 27.

she has hurt me many times by her detached ways and therefore i have always said many hurtful things to her where we dont speak for longgg periods of time. my mother says she just wants attention when nobody else is giving it to her. she broke up with her boyfriend in DEC...and she called me a few weeks after it happened.....but somehow some way we always have a little fall otu and we dont speak. she has never told me she loves me, but ive told her in the past how i felt, many times actually. i just dont know what to do anymore. she still sends me text messages but its only if i send them to her, shes detached. but i dont know if its the distance. i feel like a fool sometimes becuz i dont know if im living in a dream. the little time we do see each other its so intense and i just feel like no woman could ever make me feel that way. does persistance in love work? i dont bother her alll the time but i send her letters since 2001. hand written letters....her bestfriend said she doenst feel the same for me....yet we have this very weird type of relationship.....i know all her bestfriends, because when they would come to vacation in GA she would tell them to contact me.....and her bestfriend even moved over here. i just feel like shes no part of my life.....yet theres a little string of hope that i am the one for her. any advice would be nice. its a very long story....and it has alot of history to it....the point is.....i havent taken no for an answer....good move for future love for the one u really care about?

it just feels like unfinished business since we never took it anywhere. her ex boyfriend couldnt hear my name because he felt threatened by me. she avoided me almost completely when she was with him....now shes single and we hardly speak still.....

[IndiReloaded]

Mbe you should tell this guy what you think to get some ideas. Different scenario, but essentially the same root problem:

[url]http://www.loveforum.net/broken-hearts-forum/20979-my-best-friend.html[/url]

[vashti]

I can't speak for ALL females, but if I knew some guy for this length of time and I was available and interested, and he had expressed interest in me numerous times. I'd have found a way to give him the green light. I'm not sure that you aren't making this into a bigger deal than she is. I think you should just lay your cards on the table one last time, and then forget about her.

[TheSphinx]

Detachment equals disinterest in my experience.

Get out and meet some other women. Diversify your dating portfolio.

As a side note...

I really met this girl when I was 19 at a family reunion type of event...

...I would choose a different venue when looking to meet other women.

~Sphinx

[bluesummer]

I think you're holding on too hard to something that doesn't even exist (in her mind, at least). Honestly, if in the span of eight years, she has never admitted to having feelings for you, especially after you have told her so many times, she isn't ever going to. She isn't interested. How many more hints do you need?

You may be friends, sure. You may have kissed once....but one kiss doesn't mean anything. Everything you've written makes this whole thing sound very one sided.......you like her, you tell her this multiple times; she doesn't respond the same way, ever. Let it go and move on. Find someone who returns your interest.

[Enyo6]

If she knows exactly how you feel about her then she obviously doesn't feel the same way. Either that or she is interested in you, but you are way too distant. Unless you moved near her or something, its hard to have a relationship with someone so far away. I think you need to open up your options. She can be a friend or if the chance ever came up, a girlfriend, but otherwise you need to open up your options for other girls. It might not seem like you'll ever find another girl that makes you feel the way she does, but its very possible. Good luck.

[MendozaMan]

Detachment equals disinterest in my experience.

Get out and meet some other women. Diversify your dating portfolio.

As a side note...

thanks for the feedback, i have dated mannnnny women since ive met her. im an out going person. i dont find it hard meeting women at all


...I would choose a different venue when looking to meet other women.

~Sphinx

i didnt really choose to meet her in this setting...it sorta happened that way.

[MendozaMan]

I think you're holding on too hard to something that doesn't even exist (in her mind, at least). Honestly, if in the span of eight years, she has never admitted to having feelings for you, especially after you have told her so many times, she isn't ever going to. She isn't interested. How many more hints do you need?

You may be friends, sure. You may have kissed once....but one kiss doesn't mean anything. Everything you've written makes this whole thing sound very one sided.......you like her, you tell her this multiple times; she doesn't respond the same way, ever. Let it go and move on. Find someone who returns your interest.

thank you for taking the time out and really giving me some feedback. the thing is she has admitted having feelings. but it is only when i see her. which isnt often. i think the kiss did mean something because after so many years why would she do so, if she didnt have some sort of sincere feelings. i am very confident with women. this is the only one i cant read. one time i saw her and told her how i felt and we both cried...it just sorta sucks you know? ive moved on many times but somehow she always comes back into the picture....and in some ways i feel its my fault for paying attention to details....thanks again

[MendozaMan]

I can't speak for ALL females, but if I knew some guy for this length of time and I was available and interested, and he had expressed interest in me numerous times. I'd have found a way to give him the green light. I'm not sure that you aren't making this into a bigger deal than she is. I think you should just lay your cards on the table one last time, and then forget about her.

yeah....i think i want to do this....but she just got out of a relationship and i would like to give her a little time and space. also the factor she lives far....i think i need to let fate bring us closer by a natural thing like a work move. i would never move over there...she would have to give me a green light for me to do anything like that....

[vashti]

mendozaman, you are wasting the years of your youth. You are doing too much waiting around. Seize the day, my friend!

[MendozaMan]

mendozaman, you are wasting the years of your youth. You are doing too much waiting around. Seize the day, my friend!

i read this and it inspired me....i wrote her an email. thanks.

[bluesummer]

Let us know how it goes.

[IndiReloaded]

An email. Aimamee. I hope the email was just to say you had something you wanted to discuss. In person, or by phone (a far second best choice).

[MendozaMan]

i wrote to her, and asked for her cell again so i can call her. last time we spoke we had a falling out...and i deleted her numbers. she texted me last night. i replied that i would call her this week!

[MendozaMan]

well we did a little back and fourth texting and i called her about 3 times in a 1 week. and she did not call me back. so i decided to delete her cell from my phone.