No more dates?

[Zekk_T_Strife]

Alright, I'm pretty confused. The other night I had this big identity crisis and came close once again to taking my own life. But as I was sitting there talking to one of my friends from high school about it, I realized more about myself than I ever really knew. So for the past few days I've been living with this new outlook on life and it's been working great for me, but one thing is kinda weird. It seems as though I'm not really interested in girls that much anymore. Don't get me wrong, I don't like guys. I still hate them like you wouldn't believe, but it's just odd. For so long girls were all I thought about, then suddenly no more. Like earlier today we were at hooters and my three male friends couldn't keep their eyes off our waitress and even tried to pick her up. Frankly I was embarassed, but I would've looked at her usually, but I never looked at anything but her eyes. It was weird. And now that my friend Nate is back from Florida after two years, he keeps talking about hooking me up with an easy girl and I'm just not into it at all, like I don't feel like meeting anyone new, not even to start a relationship. That is SOOO unlike me. But then today I may have figured out exactly what it was. For the past two nights all of my dreams have been focused on Karli, my best friend. She's been in my thoughts more than ever since my crisis and I can't stop thinking and feeling for her. I think that in my traumatic escape from the pain that I was feeling I was able to realize just how much she means to me, and that if I never found somebody who wanted to be with me, I would be perfectly happy with having a friend as incredible as her. But then that brought up the fear of what's going to happen in 6 years when she's out of college (lot of schooling for her field) and we go our seperate ways. But then I realized that that's so far down the road and I just need to focus on having fun with the one person who makes my life worth living. I just wanted to express what's been going on with me the past few days and tell everyone here how much I love Karli.

[Justinfirelake]

You go get her boy.

[Killerbabe]

Seems like everyone's falling in love with their best friends....cool. Zekk, don't sweat it, I think it'll work out for you. You seem pretty much like a really nice guy, and girls like that. I bet Karli gets the same thoughts sometimes. Do you think she likes you a bit? Do you think she could ever feel for you? She doesn't have a bf, right?
Keep us informed!

[Illusional]

true, you worry too much about the future as i do. i think that you're probably thinking of this situation too much. nevermind the fear and i would say just to get to know this karli friend of yours better. maybe later even confess your feelings to her because life is too short to live in fear. raverboy

[Zekk_T_Strife]

Yeah, I've only confessed a little and haven't yet told her the whole situation yet. But I know I will. I mean, she's been closer to me than anyone for four years, I would feel entirely comfy with it, I'm just a worrier. But I'll keep you posted if and when I do. She does currently have a bf but it's the same guy she's been off and on with since high school a few times and she isn't really fond of him but she just really needs to be with someone. But things seem to be going my way more lately, so I may have enough courage to reveal all soon. I'll keep you all updated and thanks for your support.

[Illusional]

honestly i would tell you not to get your hopes up. i've been chasing that one girl for fours or so years, and quite remarkablly she's been with the same guy since high school on and off. i can relate to you on the exact same level. stupid as i am though i kept trying and trying with nothing to show for it. you're lucky that your friend seems to be showing interest, but all i can tell you for now is don't get your hopes too high because numerious times, i have felt that things were going my way, only to realize i have lost a game which i never had a chance with. raverboy

[Killerbabe]

Oh come on, life's too short to be afraid. Especially if you're dying for this girl. Oh my gosh, love is in the air...it makes me sick!
nah, j/k

[Zekk_T_Strife]

Yeah, and I mean I know she doesn't like him very much. She's just very emotionally unstable (quite like myself) and she needs someone to be with because she's unsure if she can handle the single life. I'm not about to blow anything if I do tell her. If she isn't interested she'll just tell me and things will go on as normal and nothing will get awkward. She's awesome like that. It's just my lack of courage thats holding me back. I don't want to overcomplicate her life and like I said, if I was single for the rest of my life I wouldn't care as long as she was in my life. She is a part of my soul and nothing can change that. But I suppose I should tell her relatively soon. The fire inside me can't be contained for long. So much emotion fills me that I feel like I could drown if I don't pour some out. I'll try to find an opportune moment. I'll fill you guys in when everything happens.

[Killerbabe]

I'm rootin for ya!!!!

[Zekk_T_Strife]

Alright, I have a small update. You probly won't think this means anything but it's a lot to me. The other day I brought Karli some food while she was at work (I do that when she needs me to, she works at my dad's doctors office so I drop by to feed her when she needs me) and she surprised me. See she is VERY cautious about sharing any emotion since she's been hurt so much. But this was the first time she has actually verbally told me (sober) that she loves me. She's written it to me and told me with a few drinks in her but this meant a lot to me. I just thought I'd update everyone and tell you all how happy I am now that I know that she truly loves me. The moment is coming, I'll tell her soon.

[Illusional]

the feeling is one of a kine ah? treasure it while it lasts. raverboy

[Zekk_T_Strife]

That reminds me Illusional. You live in Hawaii right? What does Da Kine mean?

[Illusional]

da kine? it's like hrmm.... it's kinda like the word "it" raverboy

[Killerbabe]

too long for one word eh?

[Zekk_T_Strife]

Alright, another small update. Karli came over last night and brought me food since I hadn't eaten all day. Before that she was at work and my roommates brother (who is kinda cool but hes a typical guy need i say more?) stopped by so she could right him a doctors excuse for work and gave him some sample drugs for allergies. Well I normally wouldn't care but a few nights ago he was over here saying "I'm single now and I need to get some ass." So now I'm watching him but at the same time I remember when she had a small crush on him. So I asked her if she was interested in him and she gave me the dreaded "I dunno." In Karli language that translates into "Yes, but I don't want to be interested and feel ashamed to be." At least thats what I think it means. Anyway so I reminded her what kind of a guy he is and she is really unsure but I know how hopeful she gets toward any potential guy. So I've come to my decision. It's going to take a lot of courage I don't have but I will tell her everything by Sunday. I'm giving myself the weekend to get everything in my head in order but the deadline is Sunday. I may end up telling her tonight or wait til Sunday night, but it will happen and before next week starts she'll know. Lemme know if that's a good plan or not. Thanks for your support, here I go.