She's gone back to him because of guilt... will it last?

[whynotsteve]

Can someone who has decided to re-enter into a relationship because of guilt and sympathy for the other person ever work out?

I'm definitely not in this situation, but the girl I was seeing for a few months was in a position where she had to make a choice between who'd she wanted to be with - me or her ex boyfriend (he became her ex because of her interest in me).

She chose to be back with the guy, because she felt obliged, sympathetic and guilty for doing what she did behind his back. And also because she wanted to fulfill her conscience in knowing that she won't be regretting not giving this 2 year relationship with this guy a real chance at working out.

However, she no longer loves him in that way anymore, seeing him only as a friend, where all her feelings of affection are with me.

So I guess my question is, if she's going back on the basis of guilt, and sympathy or to undo the past, will this relationship sustain? Making the transition to me is way too hard for her it seems, as her friends and family had a huge influence in her decision making.

And also, what are the chances of her feelings for this guy ever coming back to be one of love and affection again for this guy? Or once it's gone it's gone?

She said last week that things are "finally working out now, and that's she going to do whatever it takes for it stay that way" -- is that expected since they've gotten back, will this last?

And one last question, has anyone found themselves in this situation before or know anyone who has gone back for guilt reasons, what's been the outcome?

[Illusional]

horseshit... ask yourself this.. do you really want to be with someone who tells you that they care for you, and then leaves you for another person who they only feel sorry for??

she's pulling your damn leg dude. ok, so maybe she doesn't really care for this guy and she feels sorry for him, does she really think that any good will come of it by leading him along?? or are you the one whose she's leading along so you take this breakup a bit easier..

personally when a girl chose her ex over me i thought all my pat efforts were meaningless. i felt lied to because i was living a lie. i've been in your shoes and being the dumb one, i went along with it.

you have to ask yourself if you are willing to go though all of this and then ask yourself if this girl is really worth it. of course you are going to say yes because you like her and of course you're probably going to follow down my path, but i'm just giving you a warning. leave while you're still ahead.

raverboy

[IndiReloaded]

Why are you posting this problem again?

Raver, this is a repost of the same problem, FYI.

[whynotsteve]

Hey Illusional, when we first met each other, she clearly wasn't happy in the relationship as she once was, hence the reason why she fell for me - since according to her I was everything shes ever wanted in a guy.

I know she's not pulling my leg, because her reason in going back for the guy wasn't expressed towards the end, it's always been throughout, even when we first hooked up - she'd express why the relationship hasn't worked out for her. Things she says concerning her feelings for him has always been consistent up to this point. There hasn't been any inconsitencies whatsoever and I have clearly analysed her every word and situation. She's also 21 and knowing how she is, I don't think she could pull it off in terms of fooling me or trying to lessen the blow on me. But I know what you're talking about, others have said the same but am certain that's not the case.

She did say however that she can't be with me for 2 reasons, 1 - she met me when she was single... she said that she'd feel guilty for the rest of her life to know that she went behind her current bf's back to see me. and 2 - her parents and friends wouldn't approve of us hooking up based on the current circumstances.

This girl is not one to lead me along and say certain things to make the breakup easier on me. She's said other things in the past when she's never had to that's affected me as a result. She's honest so I take what she say for what it's worth. Few times I have given her the opportunity to come out clean saying 'if your reason in going back to this guy is not for guilt and sympathy reasons, but you in fact love him and want to be with him for legitimate reasons then tell me, and I'll leave you alone and let you be right now' -- She never did and said 'I know I'm going back for the wrong reasons'.

She did say she cares for him a lot still, but her feelings of love and affection is gone she says; and it's quite obvious too.

Again, she went back for guilt, sympathy, to feel as though this will undo the past and to make her parents and friends happy. She feels like she owes him this much in the relationship because he's been so persistent and hasn't really done anything wrong.... I don't know if this is going to last between them, considering her motives in going back is quite shallow.

Raverboy, I understand you probably had a bad experience with this before, but man, I have 4 friends who have gone back into a relationship with the ex because they felt guilty for the other person. Their partners crying, pleading and begging for another chance was too much for them to deal with, which made them turn back.

Anyone elses thoughts on this? Anyone been in this situation before, where they've gone back for guilt?

[Illusional]

IR... yup i know, i told her off in the other thread. i just wanted others to have the same chance of telling her off too because i closed the thread.

steve... i understand where you are coming from. shit i have gone back to my ex's because... well i was horny. i'm not one to stay with them because they come crying to me when they are not ready for us to part. it's tough shit because i'm pretty obvious when i don't care for a girl anyone. she's not number one anymore and i show it.

as for your friend, obviously she's dumb again because she lets her parents and her friends decide her for. who cares of my friends or parents for that matter didn't like my gf. it's not their choice and they are not the ones who are dating her. being that she's 21 she should be able to make up her own mind and her own choices by what SHE wants in life. it's too short for things to go about in any other way.

by all means you can wait around for this girl. i'm not going to try to change your mind. i'm only here to present you with an alternate opinion. you can take it as it is or spit on it, i don't really care. it's just my two cents. but you can buy me a beer. i'm a heinekin drinker.

raverboy