Just had my heart broken :(

[abercromqt20]

Wow it's been forever since I've been on here. I mean wow my screen name says Abercrombie and I don't think I've shopped there in a good 5 years...... Anyway here's my sitch:

My bf and I are both 26 and were dating for 11 months. Things were great. I mean great. We would occassionally get into little tiffs here and there but they were always super minor and far between. All the sudden last week he got super distant to where I could tell something was wrong and then POOF Friday he breaks up with me. It literally hit me like a ton of bricks. My question is why? All he told me was that for some reason he wasn't as happy as he feels he should be but he doesn't know why he isn't happy and that he always said he would never get married or anything because he hates being tied down. But then he met me and he said that if he was ever going to be able to do a long term relationship it would be with someone like me but that in the end he thinks he's just too selfish.

My question is where do I go from here? The only contact weve had was an email sent 3 days after the break up regarding the cancelling of a trip we were supposed to be taking together in a couple weeks and asking if I was doing ok. All my male friends said don't respond but since there was the vacation business to take care of I did. I didn't want to come across like a bitch or immature. I just shortly said that I had already cancelled the trip and not much else. At the end I told him not to email me anymore since that business was taken care of. That if he wants to talk he can call me like I deserve. That was 2 days ago.

I'm just trying to find some insight into whether this situation is salvagable. My friends all say that he may just be freaking out. We've been to a lot of wedding and stuff recently. He only had a HS gf that he dated for like 2 years. Other than that he's been single for roughly 4 years before me. He was crying when he broke it off with me so I know he cares. Do I just lay low for a while and hope he realizes he's an idiot? I mean I know that is the best thing for me in the long run since I don't know if he will ever come back but I guess I'm just asking is there hope? I mean I understand some people prefer to be unhinged but I'm the kind of girl that doesn't tell their man what to do. He pretty much got to do whatever he wanted and rightfully so. So is there ever a chance of someone overcoming that because they love another person so much? Or is it pretty much helpless?

[Teddy057]

Well, there is definitely always hope in situations like this. But, if he says he wasn't as happy as he should have been, I'm guessing that has to do with being in a relationship. Some people are just better off on their own, and maybe your ex is one of them? Or, maybe you two just weren't right for each other. Maybe you had a way different expectation from this relationship then he did. Did you expect to get married, and settle down? Keep in mind, he did straight out tell you "he doesn't think he'll ever get married because he hates being tied down".

Sometimes, people realize how much work it takes to be in a relationship, and how much easier it is to just lookout for themselves. Maybe your ex reached that point, and he just wasn't happy with you around anymore. Stick with the no contact, and let time play it's part. Don't cause yourself any unnecessary pain either, like checking his facebook, randomly texting him soppy stuff, and definitely don't go out of your way to see him.

[lahnnabell]

My boyfriend and I went through a similar rough patch a few months ago. From what I understand, guys just occasionally go through these low periods and the young ones are generally unsure of how to cope with them. Even though he is 26, it sounds like he's still a touch immature emotionally and has yet to figure himself out still. A lot of young guys take to blaming their girlfriends and don't understand that a lot of their frustration is actually coming from within. This can be applied to females as well, but I've dealt with more males in these instances.

It takes time and experience to figure out how to balance yourself, your life, and your relationship. And the less experience someone has with dating in the earlier years, the longer it will take them to figure this stuff out. So, don't beat yourself up. He probably really cares about you and is not happy about breaking up, but he also sounds as though he's not entirely ready to commit to another person. I'd say keep your options open, stay No Contact, and work on moving on. He basically asked for space, so give it to him.

You'll be fine

[cmacattack1]

He goes distant and doesn't tell you why. Breaks up with you with not much to talk about. He cried (touching, I'm sure) but who knows why. You may think he is crying because he cares, he could very well be crying because he is losing what he had before (all about him).

When he said he thinks he is "too selfish", that just hammered it home for me.

He's too young, too immature, and isn't ready for a serious relationship. Young not as in age, young in development. He's got alot to figure out on his own before he could ever be with and be happy with somebody else in his life. Lahanna has it figured out perfectly, as she should by now.

You are thinking about the last 11 months you have spent and wondering if it's salvageable. What's there to salvage? What's there to pine for? He chose not to be with you. There is nothing to salvage. Maybe it's exhausting to keep putting in the investment and time and to keep chasing guys down, but you know what you want and shouldn't settle for anything less.

You will be okay, as she mentioned. Don't bother waiting around for his call, and don't give in to any all of the sudden "I figured things out, let's do it again" that comes out of the blue. That's never going to end well and that's coming from a guy.

[lahnnabell]

cmac knows his shit. He's been on the male end of this spectrum before, so listen to him. It's taken him a while and many posts to really figure out what went wrong with his last relationship, but he's grown immensely in the mean time. They do grow up, but it takes them a lot longer than us females to figure out how.

[abercromqt20]

thanks you guys for the insight. Sometimes I don't think everything is as cut and dry though and that ever situation can't be blanketed. I have been doing my best to not call or text and I haven't so far. The desire to do so is really high today though and I'm going to a friends wedding this weekend which I know will just make it worse.

Sometimes people are just selfish jerks and sometimes people make mistakes and realize that. I guess I'm still hoping he realizes it. It hasn't even been a week so I guess only time will tell.

Sigh.... It just stinks because I was really really good to him and then to have this happen out of no where literally kills me.

[lahnnabell]

thanks you guys for the insight. Sometimes I don't think everything is as cut and dry though and that ever situation can't be blanketed. I have been doing my best to not call or text and I haven't so far. The desire to do so is really high today though and I'm going to a friends wedding this weekend which I know will just make it worse.

Sometimes people are just selfish jerks and sometimes people make mistakes and realize that. I guess I'm still hoping he realizes it. It hasn't even been a week so I guess only time will tell.

Sigh.... It just stinks because I was really really good to him and then to have this happen out of no where literally kills me.

Let's say he does come back to you in the next few weeks (and a lot of people flip-flop like this). I guarantee you he'll be pulling this "I'm too selfish" crap again sooner than later. The type of adjustment this guy needs will take a lot longer than a few months to become fully realized.

You need to put yourself out there and build up your self-esteem. You are worth far more than sitting inside, whiling away the hours crying over him. Whether you know it or not, he did you a favor by being upfront and honest about his feelings. He just as easily could have lied and pretended things were fine until the bitter, resentful end.

And again, this situation is really not about you. Yes, you were probably very good to him, but he's not even sure if he wants a relationship AT ALL. This issue is about him and about what he wants in his life. Having a good girlfriend isn't the answer for most guys, and certainly not all there is to life. Same goes for you about men. So, stop sulking long enough to try going out, exercising, or doing something else. You'll feel better once you start moving.