A Tale of Two Girls - One Major Problem :(

[kentx]

Im in a rather sticky situation, and of course, thats probably why the majority of us are here. It would seem maybe apparent that my problem has an easy answer, but I am unsure, so I need an unbiased opinion and advice on my situation. So, here it goes.

Starting at the beginning, last summer, I met this girl, and we at first hit it off (but later down the road I would find out that we only hit it off because she was on rebound from her last ex of 2 years). Anyways, she ended up going to college and because I lived close, we (by the end of the summer) became amazing great friends. In fact, during the following months... we were calling each other best friends. And we were (and are at the core to this day). We enjoyed talking to each other, hanging out, everything. However, every so often, we would be "more involved" and do stuff thats more than what best friends do... with the exception of taking it all the way, if you know what I mean. The only problem was... we were friends. She was in college living a crazy life, and dating other people, and was apparently never attracted enough to me to want to make it official with me. So, for the next year or so... I would be that guy. I fell in love with her... early, and even told her. But she always gave me excuses of why we cant be together, and then would continue to see and date other guys. I had to live through that for a year, while at the same time, we would just "be ourselves" when she wasnt involved with someone. Although, the entire time, I knew she cared a lot about me. I could see it everytime I looked into her eyes. We may have fought... she may have walked out of my life a few times out of anger and frustration at life... but she always came back to me, because she cared, and liked me.

Recently, she met a guy. He ended up being a horrible guy to her, but she was attracted to him for some reason. They ended up splitting up because HE told HER that she was in love with me... even though she didnt think that much about it. That made her realize FINALLY that after a year, she wanted to be with ME and no one else...

Problem is. The SAME day, literally, she ended up being single again... I met someone else. After not pursuing anyone for a year... I met a girl. It just... happened. A bit older, just as beautiful, and caring. It blossomed, and I am still in a relationship with her 3 weeks later... but I dont love her. I care a lot about her, and she hasnt done anything wrong, but I dont love her... I love the other girl. And now, 3 weeks later... while the other girl is still talking to me because she is my best friend first, she is constantly saying how I should be with her, and how she loves me, wants me there, and cares so mcuh. That she knows I feel the same way and should make the obvious choice... but is it?

Idk what to do. I love the first girl... but the second is amazing as well. She treats me great, we have sooo much in common, is here in town for me (while the other is back home for college summer break) and has done NOTHING wrong to merit me breaking up with her. The other girl ive known longer, we have a strong bond and connection, and we do love each other... but I am stuck, I need advice. Do I just say to the first girl that even though we love each other... it cant happen now? That we have to put our feelings aside and just deal and be best friends? Or do I break up with my current gf to be with who I think might be the love of my life IF the chance was officially taken?? Please help...

-A

[VincenzoG91]

Ask both of them how they feel about a threesome. Otherwise, keep seeing the new girl and make the fisrt one wait, the same way you waited for so long. The new girl sounds like she doesn't have any issues, while your relationship with the first one has been too complicated and probably wouldn't work out. But three weeks is a short time, and maybe you won't like the new girl so much once you really get to know her. So be nice to the first girl, just in case.

[girl68]

one needs to go. you can't maintain a relationship with second girl while being besties with the first, you just can't I don't care what bloody excuse you think you can make up to make it okay- you will not be able to. SO either get rid of your friend (yeah right- you sooo won't) or dump the girl. You don't have to DO something wrong to get dumped- it just has to not be right and you can get dumped. So your reason "she didn't DO anything wrong" is not valid.

[VincenzoG91]

Make a choice. Not making a choice means that somebody else will make the choice for you. And if you're not careful, you will lose both of these women.

[kentx]

Agreed, thanks for the advice... I just needed some unbiased opinions cause you can never get a straight answer or one that makes sense from friends. Thanks again!

[what_now]

I agree with everyone else in that you should make a decision and pick one, or else you'll end up losing both (trust me, been there). It does seem to be a very complicated situation. And to be honest, I don't think anyone can really help you with the situation. But I just want to say that you can't expect to love the new girl so quickly, whether or not your bestfriend is in the picture. I honestly believe it takes a long time to love someone, so I don't think you should regard your lack of love for the new girl as anything abnormal. Personally, I think if you got with your bestfriend and it worked out, that'd be an amazing story to tell and it'd give a lot of people hope on love...But do things really work that way? I have no idea.

[Mish]

I don't think anyone can make this choice for you, you need to make a choice for yourself and then stick with it. Either one of these girls could be the right match, but personally I wouldn't go back to the previous partner. After a relationship ends, it ends permanently for me.

[cmacattack1]

Funny how the first girl wants to be with you after you find somebody else. She threw all this bullshit at you, and that's what excuses are, straight shit. They are reasons, not excuses. She doesn't care about you in that way then, and what her now ex boyfriend says doesn't magically translate into her loving you and wanting to be with you. She wants what she can't have, and wants to make sure you are still in her life as a cushion because she blew it the first time.

I don't think it's fair to the new girl to be friends with this one. I know it's difficult to not just be friends with somebody you consider your "best friend", and I'm sure if you were to cut the first girl out of your life, that would be it. But I just think the first girl is too risky and too flaky to be considered a solid choice. The new girl has limitless potential, and just because you aren't in love after a few weeks, doesn't mean she wouldn't or couldn't be the one in the future.

I would say, you should call it quits with the first one and pursue the second one with 100 percent. If you explained to the first one that your feelings for her doesn't make it fair to the one you are dating and are actually able to have something real with, and are just flat out honest with the first one about how you feel, I think things will be alright. If she was a true friend and thought about people other than herself, she'd understand. Which I don't think she does, because she is trying very hard to nip what you have blossoming in front of you at the bud and say you should be with her. It's a difficult choice, but one you need to make now. Don't try and have it all, it will come crashing down on you.

Proof that it's pretty hard for a guy and a girl to be friends without one developing feelings for the other. Wish I had your problem. When it rains, it pours eh?