Feeling trapped

[Benners]

Hello Looking for some advice here.... I'm new to this "love" thing and I could use some help lol

So earlier this year there was this girl. We had been friends for about 6 years up to this point. I should probably point out that we have been long distant friends the whole time. Well this year we started talking quite a bit, and from the get-go she was flirting and teasing alot. I kinda went along with it, but never really had any serious intentions at that point.

She would say she wanted me to move over there and blah blah. I didn't take that seriously because before we started talking I wasn't even looking for a relationship. I could tell she was lonely and stuff, maybe desperate?... I dont know.

So we keep talking to each other everyday and stuff, giving each other hourly updates of what we're doing lol. But eventually I start to fall into this retarded depression and I let her know. Basically I told her every little thing about my life that I hated, everything from my past that was a total mess. I don't know why. Maybe I just needed someone to talk to about that stuff. So eventually she starts to back off. But I dont. Because I start "falling" for her I guess...

So later I end up telling her the stupid "I think I love you" line.... and she says the "I'm not interested in a boyfriend" line... Well WTF was with the flirting????.... But I think I ruined the whole situation for myself and I cant seem to get over it... Cant seem to get over her... Even after she said that she would still call me nearly every night... and recently she posted a "I need a boyfriend" facebook status -_- ..... but now she doesn't talk to me at all...

So to make a long story short.... Boy and girl start talking. Girl teases boy. Boy keeps distance. Girl keeps teasing. Boy gets depressed. Girl backs off. Boy now has feelings. Boy lets girl know. Girl doesn't care.....but Girl wants boyfriend... What should Boy do if Boy cant get girl off his mind?????

I want to get over her but at the same time I cant stand the thought of not having her.... What should I do?

[ctr916]

In my case, and this is just me, I refuse to take women seriously about a serious relationship unless they are using me for sex.

[smackie9]

Boy find other girl that lives locally and forget about that LDR crap......its not worth it.

Next time don't be talking about negative stuff to a girl.....You became a downer, this girl saw you as broken. Girls want a guy that acts kool, hard to get, mysterious, strong....you make them earn your attention and even then you still keep a little distant. It gets the dopamine going in their brain which increases desire.

[Benners]

Yeah.... I think that would be the smart thing for me to do here... -_-

[im_in_love]

Downers and depressing people are a HUGE turn off, for ANYONE. I don't care what anyone says, no one wants to be with or around someone who's constantly complaining, being negative, and depressed. Sorry to be so blunt, but that is exactly what you did wrong.

[Yet another guy]

What should Boy do if Boy cant get girl off his mind?????

He should cut all contact and move on.

[devonbrown]

She is not going to be a feasible romantic interest for you, so you need to come to terms with that. Look elsewhere for potential dating partners, preferably ones close to you that you wouldn't have to deal with the distance thing.

Also, I am not sure you really have fallen for her. You began to trust her through your conversations and you basically turned her into your therapist. Now that she isn't acting the same way, you don't feel the same kind of connection with her that you did at first.

She didn't want to be your therapist. She wanted to be your friend. And maybe more, but we'll never know. You went down that road though, and unfortunately it is the road you have to travel.

If you do stay friends with her, it is going to be rough going for a little while. And if you aren't willing to manage that, no contact is definitely the way to go.

Good luck.

p.s. - If your depression is very bad, you might want to check on seeing an actual therapist and not just unloading on friends.

[Wakeup]

Please explain "long distance friends." Have you even met this girl or is this whole "thing" you got going for her from chatting to one another on the internet?

If it is then get off the computer and go out and meet a real girl that you can touch and forget this one ever typed a word to you.

[Benners]

Please explain "long distance friends." Have you even met this girl or is this whole "thing" you got going for her from chatting to one another on the internet?

If it is then get off the computer and go out and meet a real girl that you can touch and forget this one ever typed a word to you.

Yes, it's all been just chatting and talking over the phone...

Thing is, her sister and their friend both have wanted me to visit and move over there. I cant help but think if maybe I went to visit things could turn around....?

Problem with me is I'm not very social... social anxiety disorder I think?

[Wakeup]

Benners: Why don't you forget about this long distance pen pal who you don't really love but find safe and comforting. But, she's not even "comforting" if she backed off the minute you shared your feelings with her. She's just a chat buddy and you can chat to others just as easily as you chatted with her before she backed away.

Have you thought about getting some help with your social anxiety? There's no shame in talking to a professional who will help you work past your inhibitions and any fears. Once you get over the anxiety you'll likely meet someone close by and better suited to you. Don't move to where her and her sister are at the very most just go visit so that you can suss out if you actually even like one another never mind "love" her.

JMO.

[Benners]

Benners: Why don't you forget about this long distance pen pal who you don't really love but find safe and comforting. But, she's not even "comforting" if she backed off the minute you shared your feelings with her. She's just a chat buddy and you can chat to others just as easily as you chatted with her before she backed away.

Have you thought about getting some help with your social anxiety? There's no shame in talking to a professional who will help you work past your inhibitions and any fears. Once you get over the anxiety you'll likely meet someone close by and better suited to you. Don't move to where her and her sister are at the very most just go visit so that you can suss out if you actually even like one another never mind "love" her.

JMO.

Part of me doesn't want to get help lol... It's weird because I know I could use some help but.... Theres no way I could walk into a doctors office on my own...

I've never even been in a relationship... I've had another long distant pen pal (actually alot -_-) and we thought we had something serious, but honestly now that I'm writing this, that was a joke... Seems like all the friends I've ever had were jokes...

So since I've never been in a relationship and because it's so hard for me to make friends, it even seems impossible for me to make something work... I mean, I wont even know how to act if I started something with someone and I'm afraid nobody will like that