Devastated

[Splinter]

My GF of over a year ended our relationship a couple days ago and i have just been miserable. Her reasoning : She loved me but wasnt in love with me. She felt the relationship was getting to serious for her and she wasnt ready since we are about to go to different colleges. I'm absolutely floored, havnt eaten in 3 days, find myself just walking around aimlessly and stuff like that. I loved this girl with all my heart and she took it and bailed on me. Whats even worse is i work with her. She says she still wants to be friends but im not ready for that right now. I'm in so much pain, ive been through breakups before no problem but this one just hurts SOOOO much. When does it stop hurting??? This is not like me. We had such a great time together and such great memories. I dont regret anything and i'm not mad at her ive just never felt this miserable. Feels like its never going to end....


MVP - help a guy out. Im sure youve dealt with this...

[soconfused]

trust me ive been there, im still there. i got dumped about a month ago. i didnt believe i would ever feel any better. but i already do. of course it still hurts. i know its hard but you have to stay busy. thats all you can do. i would break off all contact if thats possible. it gets better slowly. hang in there.

[sfalexi]

Do'nt try to stay friends. It's not worth the complications and feelings of despair you'll feel every time you just "hang out" with her. Go out with your friends, and stay busy. And for God's sake eat something. You may not feel hungry but your body is dying for something.

Keep the memories as just that. Memories. Learn from your mistakes in that relationship and just remember it as a part of your life. You won't forget her, but the pain will go away and you'll find someone else. Whether you think you will or not (obviously if it's so soon after the breakup you'll think you won't) but you will.

Hang in there.

Alexi

[MVPlaya]

Originally posted by Splinter
MVP - help a guy out. Im sure youve dealt with this...

Matter of fact I have, but I was uninitiated and naive back then. Love hurts, what can I say. As for the immediate, you're clearly "head over heels" for her, so there is little I can say other than keep yourself in check and try and deal with it. Do NOT become friends with her right now, be friendly, but not friends, because all that is is you trying to get back with her (or give you delusions), be real with yourself and don't spend to much time introspectively pondering about the meaning of love and whether you should've done something differently. It happened, and what I can tell you from my experience is that this experience was the turning point for me from an average guy to me today.

About the future though, learn never to fully give your heart to a girl and always stay real and understand what is going on. Also, don't listen to too much depressing alternative music or see too many hollywood love flicks, they **** with your perception of reality.

Make this a turning point, Splinter.

[Splinter]

Been a couple days.....feeling better i suppose. Still hurts though. I know im supposed to forget her but for some reason i dont want. That would make me feel as if ive wasted my love on her. Thanks for the kindwords guys. Getting there, just cant wait until i get my own apartment for school.

Shenmue - saw your post....how are you doing? How long before this agony subsides?

[squirrley]

In due time...your pain will heal. It's all on your own time. But MVP is right, dont listen to sad sappy songs, it makes a ton worse, try doing things that make you feel positive about YOURSELF and not so much about her. She did great things for you, take the postive out of it, and use this experience as a stepping stone to something more fulfilling later on in life.

[Innova]

Well said. Although it seems like I have answers for everything, I need to apply alot of this shit on my hypocritical self lol.

[jane]

Starting over is never easy. I'm kind of a book worm so.. I read the book called "Starting Over" by Johnathan Gray... he wrote the whole Men are from Mars book? ANyway, Its a good read and I found alot the info useful. Check it out. It was a great book when I needed some sanity. Stay strong .. and exercise.. getting out the agression is always good.

[squirrley]

oh yea Men are mars...it's an interesting book, and it helped me anwser questions I had. But Innova I'm laughing my ass off honey-it's true hey!

I'm with ya there buddy.

But hey were only human and we do things the way we want and when we want....or how we want....

[SazCam]

Originally posted by MVPlaya

About the future though, learn never to fully give your heart to a girl and always stay real and understand what is going on.

I agree with the stay real and be more objective. But to get anything in this life, you have to take risks. How would you like it if you married a girl only for her to say "oh yeah, I'm with you but my heart doesn't completely belong to you - i'm keeping a part of it back just in case".

Just because you've been with the wrong girl don't make us all out to be heartbreaking monsters. It wouldn't be fair of me to say all men are b*stards just because my ex treated me badly. If all girls did that too, no-one would ever fall in love and the world would be a sorrier place for it.