My fiance keeps attacking me and claiming I'm cheating on her.

[dekkard]

So, unfortunately this is going to be a long post. I'm sorry about that.

I've been with this woman for about a year and a half, and we have plans to get married... no set date yet, because I kind of want to wait until we can afford to do it.

Over the course of our relationship she has, on multiple occasions, accused me of cheating on her. She never really has valid evidence for this. One time she found a towel under our bed, and claimed that it was suspicious. We live in an apartment building and we have shared laundy units in the basement. One of our neighbors underwear got mixed up with our stuff, and this set her off. I called my brother one day after leaving the grocery store and parked in front of our building and finished my conversation with him before I got out of the car, and this was looked at as suspicious.

So the other day she really came at me. I have debt collectors and scammers saved on my phone so I know not to answer those calls. I guess I called one by accident, my fiance went looking through my phone and saw one of them, and this set her off. She had her friend look up one of the numbers, who found a name and gave it to my fiance. She woke me up in the morning and attacked me and claimed I was cheating on her. This turned into a day long arguement because when she does this she won't tell me what she did to get the information she has, and I always have to pry everything out of her while she just keeps attacking me.

I finally got her to tell me what she thought I was cheating on her, and without hesitation I started calling all the numbers on my phone she was suspicious. Of course, none of them are for people, just buisnesses and the like. She then claimed that I was doing something to my phone to make the numbers I was calling not work right or something? We were sitting in the car through out this conversation and I kept telling her we can look the numbers on google like I had done in the first place to confirm the numbers were debt companies and scammers. She wanted to stay in the car and drink anti-freeze, but I'm not going to get into that.

Anyway, I did everything I could possible think to do to show her that these were not numbers of women I was calling and she pretty much still didn't believe me. I asked her several times if she believed me or not, and she just really wouldn't give me an answer. Then she just kept bringing up all these things that happened in the past and kept saying I don't really love her and stuff like that.

As an example, she's claiming I'm trying to hide my relationship from her on Facebook, which I am not. In my past relationships I was severly abused because of FB, so I am often times reluctant to use it. My fiance states that it looks like I was trying to hide her from people, and she had found pictures of another ex on there that I was tagged in, which made my fiance very upset and she is accusing me of missing her and that I don't find her (My fiance) attractive, stuff like that. She also says I don't compliment her enough, which I hadn't known I wasn't doing this enough. Which I understand and I'm trying to apolgize for. I didn't want to give her that impression, and I'm willing to do what I need to do to correct the situation.

But one of the problems is that my last ex was accusing me of cheating on her almost daily. She had a mental illness and the entire relationship was a nightmare. I went through therapy and what not and really progressed. I still deal with emotional stress from it, but I've been getting progessively better. But when my fiance does this to me, it's like it's drudging up that old pain. And I feel like she's not really validating my emtional stress and just acts like I'm this malicious person who is intentionally trying to hurt her feelings, or like I think she's really ugly and I'm embarressed of her, none of which is true. She's just projecting her insecurities onto me.

And after all I went through to show her I'm not cheating on her, she wouldn't even tell me that she believed me that I'm not cheating on her. She just wouldn't give me an answer and said she never said she doesn't believe me... but every one of her actions and everything she has said doesn't not make her sound like she does. On top of the fact that she just flat out refuses to say that she believes me.

This is really hurting me. I've told her this is really hurting me. I've apologized for this mistakes I've made and I'm going to try and correct them. But she tells me she doesn't want me to, because it's just going to make her mad and feel like she's forcing me to do things. She's said this about other things before, like when I got her her wedding ring, which I got for her because I wanted to! She's putting me in these no-win situations, which is stressful and painful, and not to mention it's very reminiscent of the way my ex used to treat me. But I love my fiance very much, and she is not like this all the time. Maybe like 5% of the time. But I don't take being treated like this lightly anymore. None of the times she's done this have been this bad. And I've incredibly depressed now, and I don't know what to do.

Does anyone have any advice that would help me?

[smackie9]

Why? why the hell would you want to marry a crazy abusive b itch like that....in fact why do you insist on dating women like this in the first place?

I have advice yes. Stop this pattern of dating abusive women. Also you can start by locating some self worth, grow a spine and end it with her. If there isn't respect and trust in a relationship, then there is no relationship.

Second, take a good general look at your whole life situation. You have bad relationships, and are in financial trouble....you can only blame yourself for this. You need to straighten out your life before you can even begin to find the right person and take on the responsabilities of an adult.

[Wakeup]

Go back to therapy because it didn't take the first time. You need it if you'd stay with yet another nut case that torments you.

But one of the problems is that my last ex was accusing me of cheating on her almost daily. She had a mental illness and the entire relationship was a nightmare. I went through therapy and what not and really progressed. I still deal with emotional stress from it, but I've been getting progessively better. But when my fiance does this to me, it's like it's drudging up that old pain.

Yep! More therapy for you. This time ask why you like crazy woman and what you can do to distance yourself the first time they show themselves to be crazy.

I don't take being treated like this lightly anymore. None of the times she's done this have been this bad. And I've incredibly depressed now, and I don't know what to do.

You sir, are addicted to drama.

[MaidenMinx]

This is written for women but you might find some tips in here to break the drama habit...

[url]http://madamenoire.com/7177/break-the-addiction-to-drama/[/url]

[bcgirl]

But one of the problems is that my last ex was accusing me of cheating on her almost daily.

either you are the problem or you have a problem with the type of women you pick....

Have you ever cheated on your ex or your current fiance to give her any suspicions of cheating??

I've apologized for this mistakes I've made and I'm going to try and correct them.

this shows that you've done something guilty and apologized...what did you do?? Ofcourse any woman would either leave you after cheating or have a VERY difficult time gaining your trust again. I think you are only stating her flaws....but it's one sided

[Phoenix23]

People often assume or accuse others of what they themselves are doing.
The other other explanation for her behavior would be if she has been hurt by cheating in the past and is paranoid about it.

Either way, this is not the basis for a healthy relationship, and it's not going to just go away. I wouldn't marry her until this issue is resolved.

[SplendidGray]

I don't think you are a drama addict. If you were, you probably wouldn't be posting on this issue, but content to bask in your current drama.

This is a classic case of emotional abuse. Abuse means she is using verbal or emotional manipulation in an effort to control you. Somewhere in her life, she took on the view that she is entitled to have someone take care of her emotionally. Because most of our emotional stability is rooted within ourselves, not our partners, you will find that there is absolutely nothing you can do to get her to calm down. We all have emotional issues, but healthy people can calmly talk through them with their partner, look for solutions, and take personal responsibility for any drama that arises from our issues. If a person is blaming, accusing, arguing, belittling, etc., it's because she is trying to control you in order to get her drug of emotional coddling. She is looking to you as the solution for the emotional turmoil which only she can fix, and when you can't do the impossible she feels that she is justified in punishing you for being a bad partner. In plain terms: she wants you to be her emotional b1tch, and she doesn't care about you as a human being with rights.

Bottom line, this relationship will only go downhill. Yes, she will probably go crazy when you break up with her, and do everything she can to keep you on the hook. When she finally realizes that you are not going back, she will probably try to make your life a living hell. The question you need to ask yourself is this: what is it about YOU that causes you to be attracted to abusive women? I struggle with the same issue. What I have found is that there is a part of me that wants to be abused. Those of us who identify with a weak failure who deserves to be punished, will often attract those who identify with an entitled control freak who thinks their partner owed them the world. So the best thing you can do is remain single for a while, get some good friends of both sexes, and try to find some healing. Go to whatever spiritual source you believe in and look for some healing and understanding on your own.

[bulrush]

Your gf is Krayzee, and you also have a problem with self-respect, because you are staying with women who are bad for you. Try going back to therapy and go to at least 30-40 sessions. Don't give up before then.

Some questions you should ask yourself:
Why do you pick these women in the first place? Are they easily found? Easily approachable?