Starting Fresh With my Ex-Girlfriend

[Blankz]

Hi All

I (29) recently met up with my Ex Girlfriend (31). She broke up with me 3 months s ago. We went out to a restaurant which we used to haunt regularly and had an absolutely fabulous time. When then proceeded to head out to a late night cocktail bar for more chin-wagging. The chemistry between us was intoxicating; the companionship between us was unique. Somehow we ended up back at her place & the next thing we were sprawled across the bed doing our thing! After some amazing love making we chatted & passed out as couples (or is that ex couples?) do. The next morning we woke in each others arms & proceeded to act out the very ritual we had done hours before. This time it’s was somehow even more wonderful than before. By us performing our lovemaking again I felt a great sense of relief because it confirmed that our actions were not something that was fuelled by alcohol, but by 2 people with genuine feelings for each other.

After chatting & re-assuring each other that it was “All Good” I left her place with a most ridiculous grin on my face; I learnt later that day that she was too suffering from a similar fate.

The previous evening while dining I asked my ex if she willing to have another relationship with me. Her answer was a resounding No’- not with me or anyone else. I asked her why and she said she’s sorting a couple things out for herself and that she is in no rush to get back into anything. I still love my girlfriend & I sense she still loves me & I would be so grateful if I got another chance. But I sense I need to be very patient, give her the space she needs & not rush anything (not a very easy thing to do considering we just slept together). Which leads me onto my question?

What sort of timetable should I keep, I mean I want to see her but not appear over bearing & respecting the space she needs. Do I send her a text once a week, then a phone call every second week, with the hope of maybe meeting up every 3rd week? Do I wait for her to contact me – how do I play it?

I want to be a friend to her and the person she fell in love (+ so much more) with…but I don’t want to spook her at the same time?

Any help is greatly appreciated.

Kind Regards

Blankz

[cheeze_guy]

i think that it is a time will tell thing and u have t just lay bac and wait because there is nothing u can do to change her mind she has to do that herself! Best of luck buddy I'm goin through thw same shit! Hope it works out!

[Gigabitch]

Call her every couple of days. You're together, and that seems to be fine with her as long as you don't SAY you're together. You can just act like a boyfriend but call yourself a friend until she's ready to acknowledge what everybody else can see. Don't push her for anything- you've already got what you want.

[Blankz]

Good advice GB thanks ^_^

[vashti]

I would limit how long you plan to do that for, though. She really might NOT want an actual relationship, and you don't want to find that out after investing a prolonged amount of time in a non-existant relationship. Protect yourself. Continue as is for a while, and then ask her what the story is in maybe a couple of months.

I don't trust anything that isn't explicitly stated.

[Gigabitch]

This reminds me a little of my own relationship. (Only in the explicit statement area). We're serious. We've talked about marriage and having babies.

I just don't want to talk about it right now. So we don't.

[scallop]

Sounds to me that obviously you want it a lot more than her and there's nothing you can do to speed her up or change her mind. I would back off and certainly not text every other day or anything. Get on with your life, whilst every now and again dropping her the odd email or text. (like every month or so). Certainly dont try and initiate any dates or meals or coffee meetings or anything. Obviously you want her but you need to learn to cope without her.

In time, she may come round but if you appear to be too needy or too available then she will lose respect for you.

There is no proven plan here - you just need to protect yourself, and the only way to do this is to back off.

I know how you feel cos I was in the same position 18 months ago. I kept in close touch for the first few months and privately kept clinging to little bits of hope, whilst still trying my best to get on with things. But it didnt do me any good.
Eventually I backed off totally, got on with my life and then 1 day about 3 months ago she came knocking on my door again, and was ready to start again. So it can happen.