help I need advice and I want to get her back

[achilles04]

Hi guys, I've been with my girl for almost 4 years its been amazing, but as with every relationship there is always problem.

Im the type of man that gives love, I also expect that love is given to me. My girl she's the type of person that don't like showing off her true feelings, which at times it makes me mad, makes me feel insecure, and not loved. She sometimes acts as if she don't care about anything.

If I tell her to not to do something because I know I won't like it, she then gets mad at me for telling her what not to do. I don't really mean to boss her around I just want to prevent a fight later on which anyways it still turns into a fight. So am I really wrong for trying to prevent future fights?

She says that I always get mad when she doesn't do what I want to do, but its not that I get mad at that is the way that she says it, but then again it might be me the problem.

So yesterday we had a lilltle argument about sex, she told me in the morning that she wasn't in the mood for it today, of course I didn't like it but I let it go. Later that day I got horny and tried getting her to the motel, she imediately push me off and said that she told me that she wasn't in the mood for it.

I got mad but kept my cool, its not worth fighting for. I try to explain to her that we only see each other two days in the week saturday and sunday, and only once I get to have sex. Then why can't we just do it since we not going to be able to see each other till next week. She got mad and told me that I only wanted her for sex, I assure her it wasn't that. Im a guy and that's what we like.

She didn't understand and got mad at me, so my stupid self kept on talking to her trying to get her to understand me, trying to not make her angry at me. The only thing I accomplish was make her more and more mad.

Finally she burst out into tears and told me that she's tired of all the fighting and that we always fight for the same thing, I told her im not fighting with you im just trying to fix this mess, she didn't want to listen. She just said that I always want to fix thing and always make it worse then she broke up with me.

Now I don't know what to do I don't want to lose her, and I want this to work, I want her to be happy and if got to change ill do it. Tell me your opinion and please give me some tips to get her back.

All this was yesterday and today I haven't text her.

Sorry for making this too long

[achilles04]

Sorry for the bad grammar, you might not understand this post, but if anything just tell me, ans ask me whatever you like. I wrote this post while at work so I was in a hurry sorry

[Bumble_bee]

you sound like a control freak....

[achilles04]

Lol ok so maybe I am so is there anything else

[achilles04]

I want you're help don't just judge help me out im willing to change my ways

[FullofSighs]

Well first of all, from what your saying she is having a lot of background problems.
Second if she is not in the mood for sex, DONT PUSH IT.
Third if your only seeing her 2 times a week, limit sex to about once a month, otherwise your only together for sex, and sex aint everything, and thats how your making her feel with saying all the stuff your saying about sex.
Last but not least, from what your saying, i think you have lost her for good, seeing as fights in a relationship are gunna happen no matter what, so preventing them is impossible without causing a fight for another thing, so stop preventing and go along with the flow. Fights can actually help a relationship out a lot, it gets what needs to be said out, and it also show yourself and your partner how much you really do care for each other when you can forgive each other.

[achilles04]

Wooooow daamn once a month ouchh that's crazy.. But its true its not all about sex and we should enjoy more time as a couple... and maybe bumble bee is right maybe I am a control freak and if I am I got to learn how to control my self.

I really don't think I lost her for good, at least I hope not im going to fight for her, im not giving up just yet I need to better myself as a person and show her that I've changed

Im going to wait it out for a week or so then im going to start talking with her again. I know she still loves me.

Thank you very much for your advice

[Carmen]

I had a boyfriend who argued with me every time he wanted to have sex and I wasn't in the mood (I wasn't in the mood because he thought he could have it whenever he wanted and didn't care about my needs)...the more you push for it the less you'll get it. It feels like shet when someone makes you feel like a sex toy. My current boyfriend is completely the opposite...I'm on him all of the time. We have the best sex ever because he doesn't treat me like a sex toy--that is what makes a woman want to have sex with a guy!
You would have to change the way you view this if you want it to work with this or any other girl. I don't think this can change in one day.

[achilles04]

You are right that's selfish and childish of me. I really want to chaange my way of thinking, I know its not going to be easy, but I know I will

[Bumble_bee]

achilles04... in order to work out your relationship problems, you have to be willing to see things from your lady's view.

You have all these expectations, but you know, for some women sex is much more than just physical. Have you tried other types of sexual contact without having to go all the way? I suggest this because you say your lady is not the openly affectionate type, and because you need this in your relationship, you need to work on opening her up..SLOWLY...if you care for her and truly want to enjoy some intimacy with her you need to work on her a little.

I agree that in a relationship both parties have sexual needs, but to FORCE those expectations ( like it is a service owed to you or something) only serves to put more strain in the bedroom department.

Chill the heck out, unless there are other porblems affecting your relationship, you have a pretty good chance of getting things back to good. Stop stuffing it up by stamping your feet for sex...its such a turn off!