I just don't know what to do anymore..

[Randomguy111]

Hi, thanks for reading in advance


Im 14, nearly 15 (i know im alot younger than the majority of posters on this site and these relationships wont really affect me later on in life that much since im probably too young to have a full relationship, even though i have friends who have) ill just jump straight into it and start from the beginning:

Basically, in 2008 around christmas i met this girl who id known for a couple of years at a christmas party, i hadnt seen her for a year or so and it struck me just how pretty she was now and i liked her pretty much instantly. i got her msn and we started talking and eventually we went out together. It was a bad relationship looking back since we hardly ever saw eachother and she wasnt really into it that much and it lasted a couple of months. we eventually broke up and after a few weeks of just being friends we just stopped talking. this girl is called Lizz by the way.

Half a year later, just before the summer holidays, a girl called Hannah contacted me (this was a year after first talking and seeing eachother at a tennis camp the summer before where she really liked me and i didnt know it and just wasnt interested) and we started talking. through the summer holidays we both stayed up till rediculous times in the morning to talk and she shared pretty much everything with me and i could read her like a book. she liked me all the way through this aswell. a couple of months after this, we were still talking, i decided to ask her out since i knew she really liked me and thought 'why not'. it didnt go very well and only lasted a week, in which time i enver actually saw her... she cut it off because she didnt want to hurt me by betraying me, since shed done things with guys much older than her at parties.... so was afraid shed do it again. we talked for a bit after that before she did something (ironically at a party) and i didnt want to talk to her anymore because of this.

Around this time between her, severe family problems and school, i became depressed and got a reputation for it, even though i didnt know i was depressed at the time. i read about it and there are 12 (i think?) signs of depression and i had around 10 i think. this continued on for about half a year, a few weeks after christmas of 2009 while on holiday in spain somewhere with my family, due to problems with them, being left in the hotel room while they were having a meal at night, i went out and walked to the edge of a long and thin group of rocks that went out to sea. i contemplated suicide and very almost did it, the only thing stopping me was the lack of will to hold my breath and the thought that my body might not be allowed to be flown back to the UK.

Just before the easter holidays my depression lifted, i dont really know why, family situation was alot better i guess, but anyway, depression lifted, then a couple of weeks later, Lizz added me on facebook (apparently after ALOT of thought) and we started talking again. I was a much better and different person compared to when me and her went out with eachother the christmas before last. after half a year (the present day) we still talk almost every night on msn or something and text eachother regularly and weve shared *almost* everything with eachother, i still keep my suicide story a tight secret. Ive been round to her house twice and once with her friend, who said recently she thought that i really liked Lizz with the way i kept looking at her. We're really close friends and i *do* like her alot, but because we live quite far away from eachother we hardly get to see eachother in person (as was the case when we went out). so ive mostly convinced myself that going out with her would fail like last time. i have no idea if she likes me or not thought :/

BUT....yes, there always is.

Just after the start of the summer holidays just gone past, Hannah started talking to me again, but didnt (and doesnt) like me anywhere near as much as she used to. Whereas before she used to be really interested in me and provide good conversation etc, shes really stubborn now, half of the time provides 1 or 2 word answers to things and generally provides very poor conversation aswell as jumping straight to insulting me at the slightest disagreement over something.

I know i should just forget about Hannah and get over her because she wont 'let me in' and doesnt like me anymore, but i just cant bring myself to let go of her, due to clinging onto the hope that we might one day be as close as we once were.

By the way, Lizz is 2 months older than me, Hannah's around 6 months younger.

I really dont know what to do, or how to go about doing it with both of these girls. Lizz is quite shy i think wen it comes to relationships and doesnt express her feelings much.

Im really sorry for the poor grammar and the extremely long post, but i felt that i needed to include everything for a good response to this post (which, by the way, is VERY much appreciated).

Thanks ALOT, in advance for reading and especially replying to this post.

[tehwarlock]

You're young, man.. I only had my first girlfriend when I was 16-17. Just chill and tell yourself you don't 'need' anyone.. it's just a matter of 'want'.
Now, about your story.. both relationships seem to have something in common: extended periods of time of 'hardly seeing' each other. In my opinion, spending time with your significant other in person is pretty important to a healthy relationship.
Keep your head up, if it doesn't get better (finding a satisfying relationship), it can't get any worse from this point of view. At least that's what I say to myself.
Hope it helps.