newcomer confused about bf's ex .. and scared into inaction

[nightwalker]

Hello everyone .. I am new here, just registered, and am looking for advice on a forum where people do not already know me or my boyfriend.

Basically, I have trouble getting over his ex. I just keep discovering information about their relationship, through him, that makes it very difficult for me. Tonight I found out that he had made promises with her about the future. And now, he is no longer willing to ever say anything about our future because of the break up he had. I guess it was a very serious relationship and while he says he is over her, in my heart, I don't know. We are both 21 by the way.

For example, she had a heart condition and so he promised if she died, he would get a tattoo that symbolized them embracing. When I did eventually bring it up, there was no.. "oh well things have changed I wouldn't get it anymore" right away. Eventually he just said if it made me uncomfortable he wouldn't get it. But, they broke up over a year ago. He also said death can change things. This makes me stay in fear that if she died, he would withdraw from me or leave me. .. or have his feelings come back to the surface.

He also hadn't updated his myspace since the relationship which isn't a huge deal but I saw it and it contained intimate details about her and how he felt about her.. and about them having sex. It hurt for me to read that.

He assures me I am the lady for him. But unfortunately, I had a three year relationship early on with an older man who cheated on me a majority of the time with his ex.. who seems to be very similar to my current bf's ex. He was an extremely good liar and the only person I can honestly say I truly was attached to. This complicates things for me greatly.

What do you all suggest I should do or think? Do you think it would be wise to try to gain some space in the relationship until I know that this is all resolved? Or, is my past just getting in the way of me seeing the truth?

I am very horrible at reading people so .. I do need guidance here.

Thanks for the help in advance.

[Reath]

You're in a I don't know what to call situation but... you're opponent is a girl who may be in her resting in her grave tomorrow. I don't know but maybe you can follow the flow for now?

[Gigabitch]

I think you should think twice about involving yourself with someone who posts details about his sex life on his MySpace page.

[girl68]

problem one: the myspace issue- your fault you read it.
problem two: the trust and cheating issue- your issues, your insecurities, deal with them.

otherwise- I think you need to think about what you want. if you can't deal with someone who has an ex- find a virgin.

[Linli]

I'm wondering: why did those two break up?
I mean, assuming he was the initiator in the break up, he obviously sees something in you that he didn't see in her. I might be concerned if she dumped him, depending on what sort of relationship they have now.
If he broke it off and they're still friends, I don't think his saying "death changes things" means he believes he could fall back in love with her provided she dies, I would assume (and hope) that he was just trying, poorly, to say that he would feel compelled to get the tattoo as a memorial for someone he cared about (like a good friend). There's some antecedent info that really determines the nature of this situation, imo.

[Reath]

Sooner or later you will be fighting the ghost from his past. Nice... it's so fictional fantastic!