Second chance possible? help please

[skyline1627]

Ok so my ex broke up with me a month ago saying that she didn't have feelings or that the feelings faded. There has been on and off contact.
Long story short

Last night we talked over the computer. She told me how she went to a bar for her girlfriends birthday. She told me how she didnt like it and was extremely borin and wanted to go home. She's not a drinker or a party/bar person.

I told her I had a little gathering which was actually a party. I told her I felt the same way about the gathering. She was asking me if it was a date. I didn't answer even though it wasn't. Then she says she feels hurt because I'm being evasive towards her. Giving her one word answers and not giving her details.

I asked does it matter if it was a date or not and she kept saying idk but she asked several times.
She's the one that always initiates contact. I don't understand. She also says she felt trapped in the relationship but doesn't know why and says she feels free but doesn't know why. I think those are just excuses to try to make herself happy. I never once pressured her to do anything. Yes we did have our on and off moments but it was because we both are under high stress from outside lives.

She's 24 I'm 21, we're eachothers first loves. We both are virgins and I respected her decision to stay like that until she's married. We still have eachother's stuff that we gave to one another.

We didnt break up on bad terms, it was a sad calm break up with no fighting or arguing. IF there was, it wasn't anything dramatic or damaging.

Sorry if there's typos or anything weird, I'm typing on my iPod. Thank you!

[Dune]

In my opinion, your breakup sounds pretty clean, and that will make reconciliation easier.

From what I gather, I feel that a second chance is definitely possible. However, she sounds pretty unsure about your relationship with her. It sounds as if she's sitting on the fence, so I don't really know about that.

As for how she prods you about whether it's a date or not, it's a pretty normal thing for exes to still feel jealous even though things have ended. Furthermore, she's a girl, so she's bound to feel something if you have someone else in mind.

What's most important is how she feels about the relationship between you and her. Does she still have something for you? What caused the breakup really? What made her feelings fade? There is surely a reason here and she won't tell you why. You'd have to find that out yourself. Good luck.

[SweetMessiah]

To be honest with you, after hearing your overview of events, I think she speaks without thinking. If a person is so reticent and can't even speak openly to her partner about what bothers her the most about the relation and just decides on her own that its not working anymore for her, that's a load of bull crap!

You say, that the breakup went pretty peacefully, that brings me to the question, how long had you two been together? If she had no strong signs from her side about why she wanted to break up with you, how could this breakup take place calmly.

If you are aware of the loopholes in the relation which led to this, then you should be the decision maker here. However, if she's been hiding her feelings from you a lot, I don't think she's going to make a good partner. Sorry, but that's true. An ideal relationship is like an open book. You share everything with each other. There shouldn't be any sort of guessing work involved to read each others mind.

If she's so curious to know whether you were on a date or not, it's so evident she still has thoughts about you as a partner. But she better speak up on her own and quit playing games with your heart. I have learned this from my personal experiences that, unless your partner is not open with you about her feelings, you cannot trust her.

Of course, there are still worse cases like mine, where she is open, discusses everything with you and one fine day says, all those discussions were not expressing her true feelings and she was afraid to tell everything honestly. So, that's another story.

Your case looks better to me and I think you should just get her to talk on her own, open up a little bit and let her do the talking more. By giving her short one word answers, you are doing correct. Give it time.

[Dune]

Of course, there are still worse cases like mine, where she is open, discusses everything with you and one fine day says, all those discussions were not expressing her true feelings and she was afraid to tell everything honestly. So, that's another story.

LOL.. Cannot even begin to say how shitty that feels!

[skyline1627]

Ok. I purposely left out details becuase I didn't want it to be too long at first. Here are the answers you guys are looking for:

Relationship time: 2 1/2 years with 1/2 year of knowing eachother before getting together

Possibile Reasons for feelings fading:
- She is angry that she does not have a job that pertains to her degree and it is underpaid
- Hates living in her crowded house
- Hates that her life isn't the way she wants it to be
- Went back to school for another degree but now feels like she wasted time and money
- She would go from school to work to back to school with very little time to her self
- I was stressed out with nursing school
- Had trouble making time for her and balancing school work and stressed out a lot
- There has been several times in the relationship where we almost broke up. It was mostly my fault becuase I wasn't sure how I felt but that was becuase I was stressed with school. I was able to realize how I felt about her and corrected my mistakes each time.


She says she felt trapped and is feels free after the break up but I NEVER once forced her to do anything against her will. Never once told her what she can or can't do. I was always there to support her needs and values and I respected her body. I asked her why she feels that way and she says IDK.

During the break up she was crying a lot. She was devasted about the idea of never talking to me again. In fact she even cried more when she thought of that.

It was difficult for us to see eachother but I would always see her on the weekends even though it was only for a few hours.

Her melt down also occurred at the same time she got into her first car accident. I think that is what triggered everything. She wasn't hurt or anything so thank god. But when I heard about the accident I went to her house asap to comfort her through it.

The week before the break up she was talking about going on a vacation and the during that weekend she was more "phyiscal"

Feel free to ask more questions if I missed anythign

[smackie9]

She is just still emotionally attached to you which is normal after a breakup.....no worries that will fade soon too.

[skyline1627]

I want her to stay emotionally attached so she can realize her mistake and that she does love me. I feel like she's suppressing her feelings and they just need to come out. I don't what the attachment to fade.

[smackie9]

Dude it's something you have no control over...


And neither does she.

[skyline1627]

I am aware of that.

[smackie9]

So then there is no need to be here....talk to her about it instead. If she still doesn't want to try again then all she is doing is trying to adjust to life without you.....kinda slowly weening herself off of you.