MY girlfriend friend is hiding her contact with ex. I need help.

[maxwell444]

Ok heres the situation. Me and my girlfriend have been dating for just under 1 1/2 years we are both 24, Things have been great, we hardly fight, and when we do it's about silly things. Recently over the past 2 months I feel as though she isn't interested nearly as much. She doesn't initiate kisses, hugs kisses etc as much. Now, she is in school, and this sem is very work heavy, so she is stressed to the max. I understand this putting a damper on our relationship. We've talked about this and she swears things will be better when it's over, and I believe that. But there is this other thing that is eating away at me lately and I got a bad gut feeling about this one.

So about a month ago I started to notice she seemed to be hiding her text messaging and facebook messages more an more. Like she would tilt her phone away when she was texting and what not, wouldn't open her fb messages when she got new ones, until I was out of sight. Obviously this started to get to me. So a few days ago she is over to the house on my laptop using fb. When she left, I got on my laptop later in the night I notice she left it open, and that she had a few new messages. So I looked at them and I notice that she has been messaging her ex. She was with her ex for 3 years, they swore they were soulmates and all that stuff, but the last year of them together was him constantly breaking it off with her and playing with her emotions. She told me all about it, and she HATED him, or so she used to say. He has tried to reach out a few times since we been dating, and she told me every time, and even showed me the messages. She put a quick end to it both times. But these recent messages go back 2 weeks and they are really long. I didnt read them, I felt horrible enough snooping on her fb. But I did notice that on one of the newer messages he asked her if I knew who he was, and if I knew they have been talking lately, she responded saying I knew their past but didn't know about the recent contact. That is all I read, but It is enough to make me feel terrible. I can only imagine how I would feel if I had read more.

So now i`m in a bit of a tough spot, I want to get to the bottom of this, but I really don`t want her to know I was looked at her messages, I honestly don`t feel good about it, but was I really THAT wrong for doing it, I knew something wasn`t right. Anyway how should I go about this, I don`t want her to think I have trust issues or anything, I don`t, for the most part anyway. I was thinking of randomly bring him up and asking something along the lines of how long has it been since she last talked to him, just to see if she lies. And if she DOES lie, should I than tell her that I snopped, I have a feeling I would tell her either way, if she comes clean and tells about all it I will tell her I looked, but only because of how she has been acting. If she LIES what should I do, tell her I saw the messages and that I want to read what shes been saying? I'm stumped.

Thanks to those who read, and comment sorry about the length

[MerryH]

was I really THAT wrong for doing it

Eh. Yeah. It was pretty wrong. You should have first tried speaking to her about her being sneaky when messaging.

Just come clean and tell her that in a moment of weakness, you looked at a couple of her messages and what you saw concerned you. Don't play games like setting her up to see if she'll lie. If you trust her, then trust that she'll be honest when you simply ask her what's going on. If you really think that the only way to find out the truth is by playing a game, then something is wrong with your relationship, apart from her hiding things. And, no, you don't really have the right to make her show you her messages, regardless of whether she's lying or not.

[MarieCee]

There is nothing wrong about this. You should confront her about this and get a definite answer.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

She's not interested in you or your relationship anymore. If you really want to get everything out in the open, initiate a breakup with her. Don't go into details, just say that you know she's been in contact with her ex and if he's the one she wants then she can have him. Her reaction will be very telling.

[devonbrown]

MerryH is completely right about this. You were wrong for snooping. You should have talked to her BEFORE you snooped. But since you didn't, you may as well come clean. Let her know that you saw her messages on your laptop, apologize for it, and ask her what is going on with them. Get everything out in the open. If she is willing to forgive you for snooping, be open to what she has to say about her communication with her ex. Remember that if you are in a long term relationship with someone, they become a very important part of your world and it isn't easy to just shut them out entirely. So at least give her the benefit of the doubt when you talk to her.

Good luck.

[HeartIsAching]

Yep, MerryH is spot-on.