Forgetting first love to new relationship? Feedback needed

[fitnessguy014]

Hey everyone,

I wanna thank you guys for reading this, and hopefully you can give me some insight as to if this is normal or not...

My ex-girlfriend was my first deep love. I've only had 2 serious girlfriends, and she was 1 of them. We dated for 2 1/2 years (from Soph. year to Senior year of HS---I'm a soph. in college now), and we ended because I was flirting in text messages with her really close friend, and I lied about it (because I was scared to hurt her...high school relationships man)---she said that was like cheating to her, and we ended. She was present/absent in my life on and off for the past year, she would mess with my head---saying she loved me still, but then would not speak with me for weeks or months at a time....but then re-appear with those words to keep me hanging on for hope. It wasn't until this past summer, she hadn't spoken to me for weeks, and I called her to finally stand up to her----tell her if she wanted to be with me, then I'm waiting for her---if not, I'm out. In that conversation, she said she was now seeing someone, and this KILLED me inside....so I got my closure, and focused truly on moving on. I noticed I was shying girls off because I was scared to get into a relationship again---scared that I could possibly be happy with someone else OTHER than my ex-girlfriend...and that I would NEVER feel what I did in a relationship like I did with my ex-girlfriend...

In steps my present girlfriend, who is one of the most amazing, sweet, caring, and loyal girls I've ever met in my life. She's so beautiful, and I definately feel for her. We've been dating for around 3 weeks now, but sometimes, my mind gets full of doubt---like wondering if she's the one for me, or just thinking about my ex-girlfriend sometimes---not in a 'I wanna be with her' way, just like thinking of her. I feel like my ex-girlfriend should not even be in my mind, because I wanna be 100% about my present girlfriend, because she really deserves it. I pray to God to help me lose these random doubts, but I KNOW that my girlfriend now could really be something good...I truly love being with her, and I think she's such a genuine girl, and I do wanna continue on with her...I just wish I wouldn't have those random moments of doubt for whatever reason they come for.

So what's wrong with me? Is this normal? Am I just still not used to being in a relationship after such a serious one? Will these thoughts pass?

[Gigabitch]

They will if you let them. You're grabbing every random thought that flies by and making it far more significant than it needs to be.

This is your second relationship, and it's new. Of course thoughts of your previous experience will pop up- you'd be a total freak of nature if they didn't. Doubts are normal too. It doesn't mean they're some edict from on high- they're just doubts.

Think of them like little birds that fly in and out- do you obsess about the little birds? No. You let them fly away and forget about them almost instantly, and get back to what you were doing.

[fitnessguy014]

But how do I let it by? When they come to mind, or I hear a song that reminds me of my ex-girlfriend, I think about it for minutes I find.

And we don't talk anymore either...it's just weird, and I feel like I should not be thinking those thoughts cus it's taking away from my present girlfriend who I dig, you know?

[Prodigal]

I think this is natural after what you've gone through. I think that you should just 'go with the flow' in terms of seeing whether things will work out or not. I think it's a bit early to be thinking if she's 'the one' or whatnot. I mean, it has only been 3 weeks.

As for letting it by, it's self-explanatory: just let it and don't try to block its path and keep it there. Try to reduce the thinking time about your ex-girlfriend somehow.

[Gigabitch]

Try to reclaim those songs, take them back from your ex. This is difficult, but possible.

Are you questioning whether or not you're ready for another relationship?

[fitnessguy014]

Not really...I mean it's been almost 2 years since my ex and I broke up, and I just feel like I could easily sit and stew over her for years, but I need to taker control and see what else is out there, you know? And I love being with my girlfriend right now---everything, spending tme with her, being with her, talking, kissing...it's amazing. She's amazing...

But there will just be those times where my ex will come into my mind, and I didn't know if that was normal....and it wasn't before me and my present girlfriend were official, but it's definately on a daily basis.

Is this bad?

[Ellynn]

I think maybe the little things your gf does now or the feelings your are getting in the right now becuz its new, is the reason you are remembering your ex so much. Its normal. Your ex moved on and now its your turn to. So do it. Just take things as they come and go with the flow.

Oh yeah, and right now don't worry about "the one". YOu are only what about 19 maybe 20 right? You have a long time to worry about settling down. Now is your time to have fun. So do it!

[Mathias]

Just relax.

You're going through normal feelings, and they'll pass. Quit dwelling so much on whether they're right or wrong--that'll keep them there.

[Gigabitch]

Oh my God! It's Ellynn! Girlie, I have missed you so much! Will you post an update thread?

[fitnessguy014]

I want to thank all of you guys for the comments back, I really appreciate it.

I just find it so hard to just let those thoughts of my past relationship pass right through right now, so hopefully I can focus on not worrying about it, and realize that it's normal. But I don't miss HER----I miss US, if that makes any sense? Like I'm not attracted to her anymore, or anythning like that----just what we had?

Because then I start worrying "Oh no, should I break up with my present girlfriend because I think about my past relationship too much?" and then I wory about that!

I'm just a mess right now I guess...

[Angelofstorm]

They will if you let them. You're grabbing every random thought that flies by and making it far more significant than it needs to be.

This is your second relationship, and it's new. Of course thoughts of your previous experience will pop up- you'd be a total freak of nature if they didn't. Doubts are normal too. It doesn't mean they're some edict from on high- they're just doubts.

Think of them like little birds that fly in and out- do you obsess about the little birds? No. You let them fly away and forget about them almost instantly, and get back to what you were doing.

It's true. Don't give every scenario too many (if any) thought. Things that you know that are ridiculous, stray your mind away from. Find your happy spot. Think about what this relationship really is to you. Again, if its just the "fate'" thing, like one day you/she don't/doesn't feel like going with you/her anymore don't blow it away so quick. Let time recover the injuries. Hopefully you will get a wonderful time with your girl. You deserve it.

[fitnessguy014]

For me, the fundamental question is if she came back into my life, and said "I really love you, do you want to be with me?" what would my response be?

And the truth is, I don't know what it would be! That's what scares me the most...what do you guys think?

It's just so odd because I KNOW the girl I'm witrh now adores me, and I think the world of her----but these thoughts and doubts just keep coming into play, and I hate it.

[Mathias]

For me, the fundamental question is if she came back into my life, and said "I really love you, do you want to be with me?" what would my response be?

This is the question you need to STOP asking yourself.

It has about a 5% chance of happening. No use worrying about something that most likely won't happen.

[Gigabitch]

You're not over your ex. I feel sorry for your new girl.

[fitnessguy014]

But see, I think I choose to keep thinking about the relationship I had with my ex, by dwelling on those coming/passing thoughts---I'm definately all about this girl right now.

Life's all about choices. It'll pass, like you guys said....I already feel it getting better thanks to all of your guys' replies, and assuring me it's normal (it means a lot to me that you tookt he time to read about my boring life haha).