Why do all my long term relationships hit a five year wall

[BrianK]

Erm... after posting about the other thread something occured to me and its why do my long term relations breakdown

first one was when I was 17-22 roughly, the current one 5-6 years, now I'm worried that it could be history repeating itself from last time. I have a relationship problem with my mum she never had been nice to me as a child or showed little care...I worry because there could be patterns to this...
and I really don't want this to occur again

Now this is the killer, has this effected me to be able to a proper meaningful caring relationship? pushing my girlfriends away to look elsewhere?????


I'm not sure if i'm over reacting here but......

[TAVS]

Always treat your woman like you're dating. Keep the magic alive; be spontaneous; let her know how much she means to you; try your best to listen to what she has to say and pay attention to the little signs. These things shouldn't be a surprise to you ...by the time you find out there is a problem, it seems, it's too late.

You should both respect eachother and feel as though you are equals. The more unbalanced your relationship is; the weaker it is.

When having arguments; remember, "Love is stronger than pride"

[BrianK]

Yeah i think you are right after a while you although don't mean to, take each other for granted.

I notice you are in the IT industry to!

[TAVS]

Yea; unfortunately; that is my field of choosing Right now I work for the devil and am desperately trying to find a new job.

Taking eachother for granted is definately a big problem for relationship.

[vashti]

Jeezus! why does mom get blamed for everything?

[blackiesharley]

Always treat your woman like you're dating. Keep the magic alive; be spontaneous; let her know how much she means to you; These things shouldn't be a surprise to you

TAVS, while I totally agree with you in theory it does not work like that in the real world.

I've always tried to make each day like the first date (impossible to achieve of course, but a noble goal) But when I do when I do what you describe I'm accused of being 'needy' or 'clingy.' Those are this years flavor of the month words, last years was 'smothering' or 'lack of a challenge.' Oh yeah, 'doormat' was popular a couple of years ago too. I believe 'desperate' has lasted a few years now in popular relationship language.

Bottom line number one is if it's gonna work, it'll work, if not, it won't. We only have control over ourselves (hopefully).

Bottom line number two is that dating and shopping for a relationship comes down to this... It's a numbers game pure and simple, almost scientific. There's the perfect mate out there for everyone on the planet, you just gotta go out and be prepared to take the hits until the right one comes along.

And people have to get out there and look. Unless the pizza delivery guy/girl turns out to be your soulmate.

[TAVS]

That's a result of the people you've chosen to see. They clearly did not respect you and felt they were above you. If they were as into you as you were into them; they wouldn not have seen you in that light.

[kemmy]

There's no such thing as "if it's gonna work, it'll work, if not, it won't...." If it's ever gonna work you have a role to play, if it's gonna work you've got to work at it! Love is not just a feeling it is a commitment!

[blackiesharley]

There's no such thing as "if it's gonna work, it'll work, if not, it won't...." If it's ever gonna work you have a role to play, if it's gonna work you've got to work at it! Love is not just a feeling it is a commitment!

While I agree overall, it's vital that BOTH people work at it. Otherwise, it becomes out of balance and doomed to fail.

[King Zarathu]

Erm... after posting about the other thread something occured to me and its why do my long term relations breakdown

first one was when I was 17-22 roughly, the current one 5-6 years, now I'm worried that it could be history repeating itself from last time. I have a relationship problem with my mum she never had been nice to me as a child or showed little care...I worry because there could be patterns to this...
and I really don't want this to occur again

Now this is the killer, has this effected me to be able to a proper meaningful caring relationship? pushing my girlfriends away to look elsewhere?????


I'm not sure if i'm over reacting here but......

Haha well you have nothing to worry about... I was reaching a 1 year wall with all of my relationships for a while and it was because I was subconciously using them for sex! You're fine!</SARCASM>

[BrianK]

Haha well you have nothing to worry about... I was reaching a 1 year wall with all of my relationships for a while and it was because I was subconciously using them for sex! You're fine!</SARCASM>

subconciously for sex lol