Should I tell his wife?

[MissAnn]

Not sure if this is the right Forum but....

About two years ago now, I met a guy at my local dog park. We both have labs, struck up a conversation, exchanged numbers and went on a date. So far so good! Until the second date, when he tells me he is is married. He said they had an open marriage, they were only still together for the kids, it was loveless, etc. I told him I was not into dating married men, no matter what their situation and that was that. I still see him at the dog park sometimes and we exchange awkward, polite hellos.

So...recently I was assigned to work on a project with a local non-profit. The executive director and I became friendly while working together. Not to the extent that we socialize after work, but we do talk about our personal lives during the day. Recently I was in her office, and noticed a picture on her desk. It was her, her husband, their dog, and two adorable kids. The husband was...you guessed it-dog park guy.

Obvioulsy I have no idea what their true arrangement is, but she had referred to him as her best friend, and talked about meeting her "soul mate". It doesn't sound like a "marriage of conveinience" or loveless to me....but it is not like many people would share that with a colleague. My gut instinct is that he is a lying, cheating bastard though.

Should I tell her? If so how?

[vashti]

No. Mind your own business. Isn't it enough to know that at least YOU aren't stuck with him?

[Perryville]

It depends, Vash, whether or not the OP was intimate with the guy or not. I was the victim of a cheater, many years ago, and I can tell you that I was glad that somebody told me, about her. If this guy is looking for other women, his wife has a right to know it.

[vashti]

She has kids. She may not WANT to know, because then she will have to decide whether or not she should tear apart their family.

If the guy is looking for another woman, his wife will figure it out on her own. Really, people usually have an inkling, anyway.. they just refuse to acknowledge it until they are ready to take action.

[Perryville]

That's not alltogether true , Vash. I was in Iraq, and would never have known that my fiance was cheating, if a good friend had not told me. Yes, it may force the woman to make some tough decisions, but at least she will have the information, to do so.

[Spring Haze]

Why would she believe you?

[vashti]

Perry - Neither one of them is overseas, and (most) women with children do not think like men. They have to look out for not only themselves, but also the welfare of their kids.

I have known more than one woman to swallow crap where their husband is concerned, because they weren't willing to disrupt their children's lives, and their lives looked a lot more palatable before they knew what their husbands were up to.

[Perryville]

Good point, SH. The woman might not believe the OP, anyway. I guess it's a judgement call.

[Perryville]

I agree, Vash,It does happen, but it doesn't make it right

[Heratriumphant]

If this guy is out looking for other women I think the wife does need to know, whether she wants to or not.

She has kids to think about, what if her husband brings home HIV or a dangerous strain of HPV? Even if she doesn't want to leave him she ought to know that she needs to be protecting her self.

Social awkwardness is a small price to pay for the possiblity of preventing those children from becoming orphans.

[Gribble]

It's none of your business. Keep your nose out of it.

[Perryville]

Completely disagree, Gribble.

[qwertz]

for all she knows, it couldve been a one off on his part, so making the decision to tell his wife would be the wrong one imo. The likely outcome if she did tell his wife, is that it would cause trust issues and problems in their relationship, but they have children, so she would probably end up staying with the guy anyway.

[Perryville]

Very true, Qwert. But at least she would be aware of the issues. and , also, in general, I'm in favor of ALL cheaters getting caught.

[qwertz]

oh yeh, so am i, but i just dont think its her place to say.