need long distance advice

[candypants22]

My boyfriend of a year and I are seperated by 800 miles. We have to be very open and honest with each other to make this long distance work. Until now I've been able to confront him with any problem I've had, but now faced with a situation that really makes me uncomfortable. He is being visited by an old friend, a female who I've never met, and she is apparently staying at his house this weekend. While I trust him completely, this still makes me very uncomfortable. How do I confront him and let him know this? Anything I say is going to make me seem jealous and untrusting, and there really isn't a whole lot I can do 800 miles away.

[WonderinginCali]

Candypants,
I am in a similar situation. My boyfriend is 1100 miles away. All I can say is that you have to have trust in your boyfriend. He could cheat on you being 800 miles away or 2, or for that matter in the same house. (Been there with a cheater). While it makes you uneasy, just explain to him how you feel and ask him how he would feel if the tables were turned. Whatever you do, don't get confrontational, just explain how it makes you feel and he may surprise you with his response. He may think about how he would feel if the shoe were on the other foot. How would he feel if there were a guy friend with you for the weekend that he didn't know?? If he is worth it, you have nothing to worry about. If he is not, then you are better off without him. Have faith.

[devonbrown]

The only thing you can do is tell him how you are feeling. If the relationship is strong, it can handle a mature and real conversation.

One thing about long distance relationships though is that they act as a magnifying glass for any insecurity, difficulty, question, etc. within a relationship. Keep this in mind, because things that might seem huge from far away might actually not be that big of a deal if you were closer.

Good luck.

[misterlove3000]

I have had a couple really intense long distance relationships. Neither of the relationships worked for me, yet i loved them very much at the time. The stress of long distance can feel unbearable at times, it's so difficult not knowing what and where your partner is most of the time. Both of those relationships ended for other reasons, so if anything i would say that the long distance simply lengthened our time together. Looking back, I realize that the long distance served little purpose because we didn't have a solid plan for after that time period and an expected end of that time period. So, that is the first thing to think about, because it really influences how you trust your relationship and what you might expect from it. That should be openly discussed between the two of you. Other than that, if you have problems with another girl staying with him, you should openly discuss that as well. Let him know what your expectations are of his behavior. This is a common boundary that many people deal with. Your fears are only heightened because of the distance, so he will probably recognize this, giving you a better explanation of his relationship with this friend. Maybe that's all you need. Good Luck, Mister