Trying to start a relationship

[TDurden]

i've been hanging out with this girl for around 6 months now and we're not really dating but we're not like normal friends. i.e. only hang out one-on-one go to movies together, hang out and talk for hours, borderline dating sorta things. the problem is i really like her and want to pursue a relationship but everytime i bring it up she dodges the subject. what should i do? its clear that there's some issue keeping us from dating but its also clear that shes not completely averse to the idea.

[vashti]

You are in the friend zone. The only reason guys do this is because they are afraid of asking for what they want. You need to put an end to this immediately by telling her you want to date her, and if she is not interested in dating you, then quit hanging around her.

[King Zarathu]

Yep... she hit it.

[thinker]

You are in the friend zone. The only reason guys do this is because they are afraid of asking for what they want. You need to put an end to this immediately by telling her you want to date her, and if she is not interested in dating you, then quit hanging around her.

Exactly... it's not fair for you to have to walk on eggshells just to avoid a little embarassment...

In fact, try some excercises! Go out onto the street and just make an ass out of yourself all day, then you will be ready for anything!

Seriously though, I can't tell you how many times I have seen this (and been IN the situation too) where the guy (or girl) is all avoiding a more serious relationship in fear of... well... noone really knows! Rejection and embarassement, ultimately, but ugh, those are so much easier to deal with than living in fear and anticipation... who knows, she may be waiting for you to come out and say it... so... SAY IT! The absolute worst case scenario is that she smacks you on the face and you give an awkward nod whenever you see eachother again... big whoop!

Another thing is; she may not be ready NOW, but by telling her how you feel you will be planting a seed for the future; i.e. dont give her an immediate ultimatum, just get yourself out there and let her water the seed if she likes.

[TDurden]

i wrote my post late at night, so i wasn't being clear. i did tell her. several times. but she responds in extremely vague terms. sorry i didn't make this clear

[Gigabitch]

Are you paying for these quasi-dates?
Is she old enough to be dating?
Is she not dating anyone else?

If the answers to these questions are all yes, then you're actually dating. You're just doing it wrong.

[TDurden]

we're both 18. i pay. and she's not dating anyone else. still, im not new to relationships and unless im missing something usually you make physical contact with people you are going out with. since this isn't the case and since she pulls away when i try and put my arm around her, im gonna go ahead and say we're not dating. it feels like she's interested in dating, just that there's some reason im not privy to as to why she won't.

[Freeway3137]

DUDE take a shower!

[Gigabitch]

Okay, has she ever dated anyone else, and was she really weird/ frigid with them as well? I'm trying to figure out if this is a You Problem or a Her Problem.

[King Zarathu]

It could be a Both problem.... or a Gigabitch problem (the more likely of the three).

[TDurden]

i don't really know anything about her dating history.

as far as this being me or her, i was talking with one of her friends and she asked if me and this girl were dating and i responded by saying something along the lines of 'im not sure but i want to be' and she said that this girl needs to get her act together.

[Gigabitch]

Well, what about your dating history? Have you been good at defining things before, and this girl is really throwing you off, or are you a bit timid?

And you, skaterboy. 16 is not too old to be grounded, young man. Behave your naughty self.

[TDurden]

my dating history has been a mixed bag but as far as reading body language and verbal clues i've never had any problems. i've never been overly shy when it comes to dating, more than anything this girl is really throwing me off. the thing is, i really like and don't wanna just abandon any hopes of a relationship because of the difficulty in getting things straightened out. i just don't know any way to sort of pursue things in a subtle, non-obnoxious manner. i don't think telling her i want to date again is gonna do anything except make me come off as some pushy jackass.

[Gigabitch]

Pushy jackass? I have just two words for you...

SIX MONTHS

[TDurden]

fair enough, and that is how i feel for the most part. but the thing is, i've only recently brought the issue up. and i've been kind of aggressive about it, not to an absurd extent, just trying to get an answer. i'm in the right on this one as far as im concerned, but that doesn't change the fact that if she's not ready for a relationship or there's something else going on then all im doing is forcing an issue that can wait. and i can't help but think that if this is an awkward issue for her, my continually raising the question in the same manner can't be helping things.