She called yesterday

[survivor08]

It has been a while since we emailed...or last talked to each other.

for a history of my situation...
[url]http://www.loveforum.net/love-advice-forum/23886-my-heart-still-hurts-2-5-months-later.html[/url]

The last text message I sent her (3 weeks ago) I told her that I made the conclusion that I could not be friends with her, even after time passed, because she pretty much communicated to me that she does not like me, or respect me. And that friendship requires respect and a common liking of mutual friends. Didn't hear back from her until yesterday, when she calls me in the morning, (I did'nt pick up) to talk about some details and to say that she CALLED instead of text (like that is going to change things) and she wanted to know I was OK. I didn't call her back.

I now get a rush of bad, and upsetting feelings when I see her phone ID etc. Yes I still have feelings for her but I rather keep those feelings to myself as we don't share the same feelings for each other.

I feel like sending her another email with a reminder why she does not need to bother calling me. Or dod I just ignore her calls completely? I did want to work on reconciling with her in the past, but I am not sure if I should restate the obvious on my part and make her think that I am stuck living in the past. I say ignore her once and for all. What do you think?

[ecojeanne]

survivor, give it more time and those feelings will fade. i think you need to cut contact completely until you feel over her completely. its too soon to be over her yet, don't answer her contact anymore. you did all you could, its now time to start moving on for real.

[survivor08]

Yes I know this is what I must do. Unfortunately I sent her an email reply and rehashed old wounds...letting her know that I don't, or want to talk to her because I need time. In the email I said a few more things on why, and how and blah blah blah, in other words, I was saying things as I saw why she felt the way she felt. That I did what I could to save the relationship. That I was in a much better place now, living a physically active lifestyle, working out, dating, having fun, still interviewing...

I am moving on for real, I am dating again, casually, just to have fun. just starting to plan things with new friendships...focusing on myself. yes.

Her reply to my email was that she was calling to say hello. I told her back that her calling is bitter sweet. Sweet that I know she is thinking about me, bitter, that she thinks about me in spite of what she communicated to me how she feels about me.

I know, that deep down she wants to stay in touch, and have me as a backup friend whenever she feels she needs me, or feels lonely. I don't want to be that friend. Ever. I am back to my original feelings of she is either in my life as my woman, or completely out of it. No friends, I don't need another friend. Besides, friends have respect for each other.

The problem was that In the beginning I asked her if we could still be friends...then I told her that I would always be there for her..that kind of thing.

Now I am saying to her, don't bother, don't have to call. we don't have to be friends if there is no chance at reconciling...end of story.

survivor, give it more time and those feelings will fade. i think you need to cut contact completely until you feel over her completely. its too soon to be over her yet, don't answer her contact anymore. you did all you could, its now time to start moving on for real.

[IndiReloaded]

If you have told her, clearly, that communication w/you hurts you & she is still insisting on contacting you, then she is a selfish bitch. Use that thought to help yourself get over her. She sounds like an attention whore. A real friend would respect your need to do NC. See Ted's recent thread.

[Cbrider]

Shes possessive, she wants to know that she still has some kind of influence over you and when you answer and talk she feels she does. Ignore her, and by that I mean her calls, emails, texts...nothing exists in your world.

[krondragon]

Yes I know this is what I must do. Unfortunately I sent her an email reply and rehashed old wounds...letting her know that I don't, or want to talk to her because I need time. In the email I said a few more things on why, and how and blah blah blah, in other words, I was saying things as I saw why she felt the way she felt. That I did what I could to save the relationship. That I was in a much better place now, living a physically active lifestyle, working out, dating, having fun, still interviewing...

I am moving on for real, I am dating again, casually, just to have fun. just starting to plan things with new friendships...focusing on myself. yes.

Her reply to my email was that she was calling to say hello. I told her back that her calling is bitter sweet. Sweet that I know she is thinking about me, bitter, that she thinks about me in spite of what she communicated to me how she feels about me.

I know, that deep down she wants to stay in touch, and have me as a backup friend whenever she feels she needs me, or feels lonely. I don't want to be that friend. Ever. I am back to my original feelings of she is either in my life as my woman, or completely out of it. No friends, I don't need another friend. Besides, friends have respect for each other.

The problem was that In the beginning I asked her if we could still be friends...then I told her that I would always be there for her..that kind of thing.

Now I am saying to her, don't bother, don't have to call. we don't have to be friends if there is no chance at reconciling...end of story.

Hey exact same situation and exactly how i felt when I saw my ex. Yes I wanted to be friends at first, but now I don't, just like you with your ex. It's not worth the time and not being fair to my friends. Kudos to you.

[lovesjoyajm]

I agree with everyone that you should cut contact with her completely. She doesn't really deserve an explanation, nor are you obligated to provide one.

My best friend used to constantly tell me about this guy friend of hers who she doesn't really respect, but she makes sure to stay in touch with him because he is CRAZY about her and would do anything for her (she has a boyfriend of about 2 years.) I eventually told her I didn't want to hear about it, I felt so bad for the poor guy. How can anyone be expected to move on if the person they're pining after just gives them enough attention to keep them following?

ETA: Also, I'm in a situation where I understand as well. At the beginning you want to be friends because a) you want to still be around the person and spend as much time as you can with them, and if being friends is the only option, so be it. and b) you think there's a chance they'll change their mind and want you. But eventually you realize that the friendship thing isn't what you want and isn't worth your time.

[survivor08]

I agree with everyone that you should cut contact with her completely. She doesn't really deserve an explanation, nor are you obligated to provide one.

My best friend used to constantly tell me about this guy friend of hers who she doesn't really respect, but she makes sure to stay in touch with him because he is CRAZY about her and would do anything for her (she has a boyfriend of about 2 years.) I eventually told her I didn't want to hear about it, I felt so bad for the poor guy. How can anyone be expected to move on if the person they're pining after just gives them enough attention to keep them following?

ETA: Also, I'm in a situation where I understand as well. At the beginning you want to be friends because a) you want to still be around the person and spend as much time as you can with them, and if being friends is the only option, so be it. and b) you think there's a chance they'll change their mind and want you. But eventually you realize that the friendship thing isn't what you want and isn't worth your time.

When I started dating my ex and she was all into me, finding ways to get me to spend time with her...she would get calls from her first ex and she would try to be nice to him, but I would get the feeling it was not fair for the guy on the other side of the phone call. Here I am with this girl thinking, I'd hate to be the other person. I think she stayed friends with him only for selfish reasons because he would be there for her when the emotional train got the best of her...(like when we got into a big argument...I remember.)

Fast forward to my situation and I am finding ways to salvage my relationship....reading self help books...Hence my decision to TRY to stay friends as a suggestion on what one book author said....I am not sure that was really the best decision I tried making it work early on the break up...you can't make something work when only 1 party is trying, but it is hard to be reasonable and rational when all the emotions are flowing in the beginning....does not help getting depressed over it...

But again, I am moving forward getting over it...no friendship.

[survivor08]

Weird, A few days ago I was driving on the fwy early and yep, I see that my ex (I will call her tarzana) gets on the freeway, we continued to pass each other up and so forth for 40 or so miles....She did not dial me on her cell, i didn't either, when she finally saw that I was right next to her she broke this big smile, and waved hello, I just ackonwledged her...later she sends me this text...how it was so nice to see me although briefly and on the freeway...I just replied shortly saying something like hope she is happier and wish her well. I probably should just have ignored her 100%

[ecojeanne]

look it's hard being human. you did ok, it's hard to be rude face to face.

[carl1222]

Weird, A few days ago I was driving on the fwy early and yep, I see that my ex (I will call her tarzana) gets on the freeway, we continued to pass each other up and so forth for 40 or so miles....She did not dial me on her cell, i didn't either, when she finally saw that I was right next to her she broke this big smile, and waved hello, I just ackonwledged her...later she sends me this text...how it was so nice to see me although briefly and on the freeway...I just replied shortly saying something like hope she is happier and wish her well. I probably should just have ignored her 100%

No, I think your response was spot-on. Gracious without being encouraging, adamant without being mean. Seems like you are handling the breakup pretty well, and taking the high road.

I couldn't get your previous post to open, so I am missing most of the background, but if you keep replying to her overtures at friendship with "Thanks, Bye" she should shortly stop trying on her own.

If she persists, you can discipline yourself to delete her messages before reading them.

Carl.