A rather intimate problem...

[Agirlhasnoname]

Hi all
I'm sorry for the intimate nature of this problem but I need some help. So I have been seeing a guy for about four and a half months, he is a great kind and considerate guy who thinks the world of me and we have been taking it slowly not rushing things. We had only slept together three times until last night. We had a few drinks last night and I decided to stay over and we started to get heated. We were in his bedroom with the lights off.Before our clothes came off I said to him that, as I have had to come off my pill recently due to it causing me problems which he knew about already, we needed to use a condom.he said ok so we kept kissing etc and as our clothes came off I repeated this. He agreed and said we can use something and got up to go out the room to lock his front door before bed and went into his drawer. We returned to what we were doing and I thought he had put the condom on as he reached for his lube And used it which I assumed was to make things easier. We had sex which only lasted a few minutes which I'm guessing was down to the drink and as he finished he pulled out and ejaculated outside of me . I was shocked and said to him I thought he had used a condom and he said don't worry because he pulled out well before time. I felt annoyed but we went to sleep. When we woke up in the morning we began to have sex once again. I said to him we need to use something this time and he said ' do you want me to put the condom on?' To which I replied yes. He went and got the condom out the drawer and opened it .we kissed for a while again and he proceeded to try and initiate sex with me again without the condom, to which once again I told him I did t feel safe without it. He replied again ' do you want me to wear it? I will pull out before time don't worry!'
I'm not sure how to feel. He eventually did put it on. He didn't force me to do anything that isn't an issue, but am I wrong to feel slightly disrespected because of this? Or is this my fault for not realising he had t put the condom on due to having a few drinks? I'm so confused and would appreciate any advice . Thank you.

[pcmaster]

Who cares about your drunk sex? You posted in love advice section when theres intimate section exist. Its all your fault for giving yourself away to guy like this.

[Agirlhasnoname]

There's no need to be so mean. I only wanted help and wouldn't have posted if I didn't.

[Hooo!]

Well if it was me I'd have bitch slapped him and went outta there.
Calling a man considerate who won't even put a condom on of his own free will is one of those things I personally draw the line at.
And I don't have many of those

[Shoukon]

Feeling completely disrespected by this is completely reasonable at minimum. You asked him, he didn't do it the first time. You asked him the second time and he kept asking you as if he hadn't understood each time you told him. Seems like he cares little about you. If you continue to date you're going to have to be super strict about the condom because he obviously doesn't want to use it and will do anything not to.

[Agirlhasnoname]

I asked him about this today. He replied he is really sorry and that he should have put one on before he did but it was just in the heat of the moment he wanted to please me so he didn't. And that he is sorry for putting me in the position of having to now worry. And that he has since went and bought protection. Am I right to be mad or am I overreacting? If he wants to be with me like he says surely he should want to look after me and not put me a risk ?

[WiltedRose]

He totally disrespected you and this can be counted as assault!!

[pcmaster]

He totally disrespected you and this can be counted as assault!!

LOL. Women always afraid of dicks.

[WiltedRose]

LOL. Women always afraid of dicks.

Lol!! More like afraid of sti's and unwanted pregnancies!!!

- - - Updated - - -

It is a violation Google it!!

[Shoukon]

I asked him about this today. He replied he is really sorry and that he should have put one on before he did but it was just in the heat of the moment he wanted to please me so he didn't. And that he is sorry for putting me in the position of having to now worry. And that he has since went and bought protection. Am I right to be mad or am I overreacting? If he wants to be with me like he says surely he should want to look after me and not put me a risk ?

Yea, I'm sure he's sorry that it's brought up. In the heat of the moment as an excuse is useless. There's this idea that during sex we become primitive and the "lizard brain" beast takes over, and we can see due to neuroscience and observational theories before neuroscience that there is no separation between the "heat of the moment" us and "us." That was his choice where he was choosing to please himself. How can you asking him to do something, him not doing it, and you constantly asking him to do it with him not doing it until finally he eventually did be pleasing you?

Come on now, if he kept asking you to take the pill and you asked if he was sure and he said yes, you went to the bathroom and made believe you did. Then the next morning he asked you to take the pill multiple times, but you told him you'd get off of him before he came, and he finally convinced you to you'd be looked at as a gold digger wanting his money at minimum by trying to entrap him with a kid.

[Agirlhasnoname]

So I have been violated or assaulted?
What should I do in this situation I thought he was a lovely guy he has always treated me so well . 😕
Is it my fault though for thinking he put a condom on and not realising he didn't?

[WiltedRose]

It depends how much you like this guy? He was wrong you stated a number of times for him to use a condom! Would you trust him to respect your wishes next time? If you chose to be intimate again I would tell him about the consequences if he disrespects you again!

[Hooo!]

LOL. Women always afraid of dicks.

I want to go of topic here because i think this is a very good example of why you are sometime having trouble with women

You think some women are afraid of penises. You may say that in a funny way, but to some degree you believe it.
This is wrong. Women are as much afraid of dicks as men are of vaginas. I personally believe men fear other men's penises and not the women.

Another point is: you consider the male point of view here instead of thinking from a woman's perspective
She is in a very real danger of becoming pregnant or having stds
Neither of which is funny

Also you are being disrespectful towards the original poster for worrying and making fun out of her.
I agree with a casual tease or beg here and there but always in a light and playful or even in a Scolding matter
However that is just making fun out of someone for being worried, which generally isn't making you attractive or respectful.
If the worry and anger is deeplyjustified and you make fun of it you look like a total asshole and prick.
Im not saying you are, im just saying other people and especially women will pick up on this and may hate you for it

This concerns attitude: it has something to do with not seeing their perspective and not having respect towards other people's thoughts or feelings

[pcmaster]

Thats deep. Maybe I should work on this respect for other people.

P.S. But Im actually afraid of vaginas.

[Hooo!]

And of women. Yes I know

When I was a kid my family was living next door to my grandmother.
And sometimes I went over to sleep at her place. That was always great fun, because I got to enjoy myself over there.
I could sleep through and always had a really nice morning. I could watch whatever i wanted on the television.
And she was always so kind and loving and I really felt at peace and at ease at her place.

However I had to pack my things and go to her through the dark night. And mind you I was really scared about the darkness and all the monsters and ghosts and witches(!) that would come for me.
Well I was little and young and heard stories and had dreams.

Now I like it when it's night. Especially in the summer when I can enjoy a time with friends at the fire.
Spend some quality company by just taking a night time stroll and feeling at ease and at peace in the quiet
Warm dark summernight.
Maybe a stolen kiss from my fair lady. Maybe distant music from a party. Maybe a philosophic drunk talk with a friend.

Good times.

And so as we make different experiences our sense of the world differs and we tend to enjoy the things that we first didn't know much about.
And in your place you will be in for some very exiting and pleasant experiences.