It's finally over (I think) and things were going great until I saw her again

[ShyGuy81]

Hello again,

Well an update in my situation for those who have offered advice previously.

So it has been about 4 weeks since my girlfriend and I started our "break", no idea what this means or where things go from there. We agreed to stay in touch and to see each other about once a week.

Well it has all been up and down with a few arguments between us. We have met up a couple of times, one of the times it was almost like being back together then a day or so later she hated me. Then she apologised for having a go and pressuring me.

Well after that point I decided to give her space and take sometime to focus on me instead of beating myself up wondering where it was all going. That was quite nice, not speaking to her or seeing her for nearly two weeks helped me clear my head a lot. I kept thinking about her but resisted the temptation to contact her, hard to do but for the best I think.

Well I had to go round to hers tonight to drop off some stuff, I also need to go back later on this week and drop off the rest of her stuff as there are some things still left over from when she lived with me for a couple of months.

This was quite difficult seeing her tonight, it brought up a lot of feelings that I know I still have for her. She asked if I wanted to come in for a bit or if I was getting straight off. I decided it was best to head straight off as going in I think would be awkward and open a can of worms. I think she may have been upset that I didn't go in but I think I did the right thing.

Honestly not looking forward to moving the rest of her stuff out of my house as it all seems so final. I know that we are suppose to be on a break but I don't think she has any expectations of us getting back together, just a feeling I have from things she has said.

As it stands none of the stuff that has caused our relationship to breakdown has been fixed so I know getting back together we will end up back where we are now. Things haven't been right for the last 6 months really so it is not a quick overnight fix.

There are also a few things which have been harboured from the start of our relationship a couple of years ago as well so again there is a lot to fix.

It is such a shame as on a lot of levels we are so well suited and things are amazing. However on another level there are a couple of areas of conflict which seem to affect key parts of our relationship so there is something there holding us back.

I am having a dilemma at the moment and a lot of conflict. I am working on myself, started seeing a therapist to help me understand my hangups and help me resolve my own personal issues. This will of course be a long process but what I am concerned about is overcoming my hangups and then when I get sorted not wanting to pursue the relationship any more and move on.

Not knowing where my girlfriend stands is difficult, I don't want to hurt her if I am wrong and misread her by giving up on our relationship. But at the same time I don't want to keep holding out hope that we will get back together and this is just a "break" and not a "break-up".

I know that I still love her, I wish I could turn back time and undo the mistakes I have made. However on some other level I know that some of the mistakes I have made were not mistakes just me being me, in which case if that has caused a problem then we were not suited anyway as we just weren't compatible.

I am so confused, part of me things I should just end as the "problems" in the relationship were not actually problems just an incompatibility. By doing this also brings the hope that in the future we remain friends.

The other part of me wants to assume this is just a temporary break to clear our heads and we will in time end up back together. The problem being is that how long do you put everything on hold in the hope that everything will work itself out in the end?

I know a month is not a long time but we seem to be growing further apart everyday and the days when we seem to almost get drawn back to each other usually results in a form of argument a couple of days later.

Well I think that pretty much covers it all, this is mainly a rant but if anybody has any views please share as it may help me clear things up.

Lee

[boobaa]

I didn't have time to read it all, so I make a quick reply.

How do you feel about this? If you feel there is no future, ask her directly "so, our relationship is over" and see what she tells.

It might be best to end it good, officially. If You do it, there might even be a chance she wants to crawl back to you, then it is up to you. But right now there are things hanging in the air, and she is in a comfort zone, you are not.

[ShyGuy81]

I didn't have time to read it all, so I make a quick reply.

How do you feel about this? If you feel there is no future, ask her directly "so, our relationship is over" and see what she tells.

It might be best to end it good, officially. If You do it, there might even be a chance she wants to crawl back to you, then it is up to you. But right now there are things hanging in the air, and she is in a comfort zone, you are not.

I am not sure what I feel, at the moment with things as they are the chance of a future together is slim. We both ended up going down a path that went in the wrong direction.

My main problem is I don't know what she actually wants and I can't seem to find out from her either. At the moment the decision on what happens I have left to her, you are right in what you say she does seem to be in a comfort zone (to a degree, she is not happy either) but I am not as I don't know what is happening.

I shall have to have a talk with her and ask where we stand.

Lee

[Raze]

Hey Lee,

I'm sorry that this happened to you. Keep us posted and I hope things ultimately work out for you.

[ShyGuy81]

Thanks Raze,

I think things will work out in the end one way or another. It's a shame as if things were just slightly different then I don't think this would be happening. However if things were different then we would both be different people so maybe it is just not meant to be.

I will keep updates of the situation, I am trying not to worry about it too much but it is not always that easy.

Lee