Confused and feeling guilty

**displacemoon** · 23-12-06, 07:42 AM

Six months ago my ex-bf (of 16 months) and I broke up. For the most part we were compatible and got along but after about a year it just didn’t seem to be working. I wanted to spend more time with him (we were down to only seeing each other once a week at best) and I felt he wasn't willing to make an effort to be with me anymore. I know he had a lot on his plate but I also felt that seeing me was no longer a priority for him. It finally came down to my unwillingness to take the back burner and his unwillingness to make adjustments to his schedule.

After six months of no contact, I still couldn’t stop thinking about him. During this time period I didn’t date...I felt I needed the break. The beginning of this month my ex-bf reached out to me and we met for lunch. Nothing happened but it was nice seeing him. I sincerely missed having him in my life and was happy to reestablish a friendship. A week or two later he called and after talking for some time, I invited him over to my home. We wound up in bed. You would think I’d be ecstatic over the situation, but instead I feel confused and sad. I keep asking why he was brought back into my life at this point. And why do I still feel the same way about him? I love him but I’m not certain he is “the one.” He just stayed over last night and it felt like old times; there is a comfort level there that I sorely miss. But I don’t know if I want to go back to old times.

It also gets more complicated. About a month ago I met someone on an online dating site. I really like him and would love to give this guy a chance. We’ve gone out a few times and recently had sex. How could I like two men at the same time? I’m really feeling confused and guilty and am clueless as to what to do. I try to justify my actions by stating that they shouldn’t expect anything from me because I have not made any commitments to either of them. However I know that if I’m honest with my ex-bf he’ll be hurt. We haven’t talked about “officially” getting back together but he does ask me if I love him and I know that he deeply cares about me. I’m not sure what the online guy expects because I haven’t asked…I guess I’m afraid to. I’m playing Russian roulette. And juggling these two guys makes me feel badly. Technically neither of these two guys have asked that I be exclusively committed to them. But I know that my ex-bf is not the type to be okay with me seeing some other guy. I also get the same vibe from the online guy as well. But I can’t say at this point because I really don’t know him that well.

I don’t know what to do. Any advice? I still have alot of feelings for my ex-bf but I don't know if he is the one. I could see myself really liking the new guy but I don't know bc it is still too soon.

**vashti** · 23-12-06, 07:45 AM

I think if you can't be honest about dating multiple people, then you shouldn't be doing it.

**Ellynn** · 23-12-06, 07:47 AM

Hate to say it, but you really should choose one. Because, if one of them finds out about the other, your gonna blow it.

As for your ex, I know how it is to have those feelings. But are things really gonna change if you get back together? I think your just gonna end up in the same situation. Maybe its best to keep him at a distance.

As for the new guy, why don't you give him a chance and cease all contact with the ex? Or maybe your just not ready to date since you clearly aren't over your ex.

Either way, this choice is yours. You can't have both. So choose one.

**displacemoon** · 23-12-06, 08:05 AM

I suppose I'm using my ex-bf and the last thing I want to do is hurt him. If one doesn't work I'll always have the other. And that's wrong. Seeing two people is also very stressful. I can't enjoy the guy I met through the online site b/c I'm reliving the emotions from my last relationship.