Do i control her too much?

[way_landr]

i'm 25 and my gf is 23, we've been together for 9 months, and everything was great, we even discussed about the future, til the last 2 days. she got to know a guy a few weeks ago, or rather, the guy got to know her when she was in the bank, and he started msn-ing her.

Very obviously he was interested in her, she knows that, but she still went out with him yesterday. I explicitly told her b4 that i do not want her to go out with that guy, and we had a big quarrel when she came back.

She started the "you dun trust me" stuff and asked me to stop controlling her... was i wrong to restrict her going out with that guy? or any other guys alone for that matter? I showed my displeasure when she went out with her ex-bf also...am i in the wrong?

[Gigabitch]

I don't know HOW you handled it, but the fact that you find these things objectionable is reasonable. What the hell was she doing giving out her msn SN to some guy at the bank? Is she messing around or just messing with your head?

She's not acting like a girlfriend.

[way_landr]

he was the bank officer and she was opening an account... she thought that email address was a field she had to fill in...

When she was out with that guy i called her and gave a scolding over the phone, she told me i shouldnt have done that...

She said she was juz making frens, and that she will not allow anything to happen... that i'm over-sensitive...

The bad thing now is that i dun trust everything she says now... i always have this feeling that shes holding sth back from me...and this is juz 2 days ago!!

What should i do man...

[vashti]

That depends. Are you willing to tolerate this behavior? If so, then I guess you do nothing. If you are not willing to tolerate this behavior, you get rid of her if she behaves this way. It's a matter of setting boundaries.

You can't force her to change her ways; she has to want to do this on her own, but you have the right (and responsibility) to set clear boundaries.

[Gigabitch]

Is she going out with these guys on dates or what? I just think it's weird that she's doing this- if she wanted to make new friends, she should involve you in some way.

It sounds suspect.

[way_landr]

Is she going out with these guys on dates or what? I just think it's weird that she's doing this- if she wanted to make new friends, she should involve you in some way.

It sounds suspect.

one guy, not guys, not yet though. how do you define dates? she went out with him for half a day, the guy following her around, helping her look for materials for her work, had coffee at some coffeehouse... i'd consider a movie or a walk by the beach a date...

The question i wan to ask is, is it really possible for a girl to go out with guys juz for company, while being faithful to the bf? Shes pretty, and get lots of attention from guys, but this is a first...

[way_landr]

That depends. Are you willing to tolerate this behavior? If so, then I guess you do nothing. If you are not willing to tolerate this behavior, you get rid of her if she behaves this way. It's a matter of setting boundaries.

You can't force her to change her ways; she has to want to do this on her own, but you have the right (and responsibility) to set clear boundaries.

Thats sounds really good...dump her if she crosses the boundaries... my boundary is that if she allows herself to develop feelings for the other guy. But i guess i'd never know that until the day she cheats on me i supposed?

[Gigabitch]

one guy, not guys, not yet though. how do you define dates? she went out with him for half a day, the guy following her around, helping her look for materials for her work, had coffee at some coffeehouse... i'd consider a movie or a walk by the beach a date...

The question i wan to ask is, is it really possible for a girl to go out with guys juz for company, while being faithful to the bf? Shes pretty, and get lots of attention from guys, but this is a first...

Thought you said she went out with her ex as well.

Yes, it's possible to keep things under control and act like "just friends" with a guy, but you say he was following her around? Is that what friends do?

What I would consider a date would depend on who I was with and whether the tone was romantic. I can go on a date to the dry cleaners under the right circumstances. Even if it wasn't a date to her, it sounds like it might have been for him.

Anyway, how would you feel if she did this?

[way_landr]

Thought you said she went out with her ex as well.

Yes, it's possible to keep things under control and act like "just friends" with a guy, but you say he was following her around? Is that what friends do?

What I would consider a date would depend on who I was with and whether the tone was romantic. I can go on a date to the dry cleaners under the right circumstances. Even if it wasn't a dtae to her, it sounds like it might have been for him.

Anyway, how would you feel if she did this?

What he feels is really inconsequential, i feel, as long as my girl dun feel the same way... Precisely because I know how guys think, that he was wooing her, trying to get close, which is why i'm pissed. But if u say girls can juz treat guys as normal frens, may it be she juz feels this way, that its juz her pesonality to be like tat...

her ex-bf was ok, she introduced me to him, laid things out clear to him that we're happy together...

This new guy, i dun like the way she is accepting his advances... how can i noe when to draw the line and dump her before she hurts me? if that is ever going to happen...

[Gigabitch]

This new guy, i dun like the way she is accepting his advances... how can i noe when to draw the line and dump her before she hurts me? if that is ever going to happen...

The question is- Can you draw the line at all? If you feel you can't, timing is pretty unimportant. I think the time to draw it is NOW, because I think she's acting disrespectfully, but maybe she just likes to have admirers all around.

You might want to ask her why she needs so much ego-boosting.

[maquekatso]

i agree with the advices above.just my opinion for her guy-friend comment:

NO guy takes your e-mail and asks you for a coffe and follows you around if hes not romanticaly interested in you.(i'm a guy n i know)

Even if SHE treats him like a friend HE will always be standing ready for the time you and your girl have a fight or a similar occasion, waiting to ask her out again and "support" her as a "friend"

[vashti]

Thats sounds really good...dump her if she crosses the boundaries... my boundary is that if she allows herself to develop feelings for the other guy. But i guess i'd never know that until the day she cheats on me i supposed?

So you are saying you are okay with her doing whatever she pleases so long as she doesn't have feelings for the guy? Those are some wimpy-ass boundaries, my friend.

[Darth Payne]

It really depends on whether they're "just friends" or not. If you have to question her, than you probably can't trust her all the way.