I feel terrible, just need to tell someone what I did

[actualgoodguy]

I'm on the dating site match. I winked at this girl (basically the way of saying I'm interested in you) and she emailed me back a few hours later very enthusiastic; we seemed to have a lot in common. So, I know this is probably bad, but I think most people do it, I google her to see if I can find out any more information. She's also on this site Okcupid as well and they have VERY personal questions, (though you don't have to answer any if you don't want to). (For those who don't know me, I'm waiting until marriage and would like the same from my wife). And so I find out through one of the questions she's not a virgin. So I just wrote back to her that she seemed like an amazing girl (which she seemed to be) and was very pretty (which she also was), but I had a feeling things wouldn't work out between us (I know they wouldn't because I would have eventually found out about the sex. I feel like a f**king d*ck. I'm extremely picky, always looking for ways to eliminate or screen people before meeting them. And I cannot get over the sex part. There's times where I think to myself, what's the big deal if they've had sex before, but other times where I'm totally obsessed with it. It's really hurting me because basically everything in my life is perfect except for the no significant other thing. And if I had a gf I know I would treat her so right. It's just this effing sex thing that screws with my head and I don't know how to get past it.

And sorry, I just had to vent my feelings

[Ann S]

Actual Good Guy!!!I think you are very smart!! Why waste your time? Let's hear it for background checks!!!! Google everyone!
Now, about the sex part! If you had said, "having a virgin as a girlfriend is my requirement and I don't have a problem with it," I would have said, "you go, Good Guy." But, you didn't say that. You said that you struggle with the virgin requirement and that it is a problem for you! Where did you get this requirement? Is it still valid for you, or are you trying to use someone else's values as yours? Please give that some consideration.
Also, no one's life is perfect, and there are NO perfect people. And, YOU are not perfect! Do you think that a, "non virgin," girl is, "not perfect?" I suggest you do a little experiment. Forget the virgin stuff for a while, and go for personality and compatibility....see what comes of that for you because you seem STUCK......need to try something new! Good Luck. Ann

[michelle23]

I agree that being so hung up on the virgin thing is going to severely hold you back. Most people dont save themselves for marriage anymore and it will be hard to find a girl who is a virgin.

[FlaCooln]

Dude, is this the 1920s? I mean saving yourself for marriage is great and all, but IMHO its a path to failure. How is a marriage going to work if you are not sexually compatiable? What if your a kinky freak and she is a stiff board that just lies there. No matter how you slice it sex is a VERY important part of a healthy relationship. Would you buy a car w/o a test drive?

Food for thought. Saving yourself nowdays is just dumb. Sorry to be so blunt, but that is how I feel.

Also, is this a religious thing? I'm sorry but those Evangelistic Christian Churches (not saying that is the cause here) tend to brain wash people a bit and scaring them away from sex, which is a natural and fun part of life. I'm Catholic, but that does not mean that I don't question my religion and follow logic, science, and just my own experiences.

[surfhb2]

Actually the Roaring 20s were sexually liberal times....Anyway

You need to see a therapist about your obsession with this issue. You're not religious so it's rooted deeply with something else and will carry over into the rest of your love life

You've been posting here for months with the same issue over and over.....time to get some help

[FlaCooln]

Actually the Roaring 20s were sexually liberal times....Anyway

You need to see a therapist about your obsession with this issue. You're not religious so it's rooted deeply with something else and will carry over into the rest of your love life

You've been posting here for months with the same issue over and over.....time to get some help

LOL your right. Maybe I should have said the 1950s? I donno...but you get what I mean.

I agree though...no sex doesn't fly today. Get some help and then find a nice girl and loose that Vcard. It does wonders for confidence, I know when I was 19 and lost my virginity I felt like a different/more confident man. Women started noticing me a lot more or maybe I was just confident enough to realize it.

[michelle23]

I think the reason he wants a virgin so bad is coz hes a virgin. Maybe if you pop the cherry soon-youll stop turning your nose up at every girl you meet coz shes not a virgin.

What is your obsession with it? I can understand why you dont want a girl who sleeps all over town but you could still meet a lovely girl who has had a few sexual partners and not hold it against her.

[actualgoodguy]

It's got nothing to do with the girl. In fact I wouldn't care one bit if my gf had messed with other girls before me, as long as she isn't bi I wouldn't have any problem with it at all. The problem I have is with the guy. Obviously being a guy, I'm grossed out by other guys and just the thought of knowing another guy's di*k was their before me when we're having sex is just disgusting to me. I don't know why other guys don't feel this way. Why would I want to put my di*k in the same area where another guy's di*k already was?

[JJhon]

Just a question, why do you want to be both of you virgin to a marriage?
This is me talking, I don't really care if a girl is virgin or not.. Ok I ask her if she is or not, but it doesn't matter at all...

Sent from my Galaxy S2

[surfhb2]

It's got nothing to do with the girl. In fact I wouldn't care one bit if my gf had messed with other girls before me, as long as she isn't bi I wouldn't have any problem with it at all. The problem I have is with the guy. Obviously being a guy, I'm grossed out by other guys and just the thought of knowing another guy's di*k was their before me when we're having sex is just disgusting to me. I don't know why other guys don't feel this way. Why would I want to put my di*k in the same area where another guy's di*k already was?

Again.....you have some serious life issues to work out before you begin dating. Please see a therapist

[Wakeup]

It's got nothing to do with the girl. In fact I wouldn't care one bit if my gf had messed with other girls before me, as long as she isn't bi I wouldn't have any problem with it at all. The problem I have is with the guy. Obviously being a guy, I'm grossed out by other guys and just the thought of knowing another guy's di*k was their before me when we're having sex is just disgusting to me. I don't know why other guys don't feel this way. Why would I want to put my di*k in the same area where another guy's di*k already was?

Have you spoken to a doctor about your phobia?

[JJhon]

[QUOTE=Obviously being a guy, I'm grossed out by other guys and just the thought of knowing another guy's di*k was their before me when we're having sex is just disgusting to me. I don't know why other guys don't feel this way. Why would I want to put my di*k in the same area where another guy's di*k already was?[/QUOTE]

That is just a thing in your head..
What about when you seat in public places? You don't know what happened there before you sat.

Have you thought in the opposite way?
The girl being gross of a guy because he penetrated another girls

Sent from my Galaxy S2

[actualgoodguy]

No I have not spoken to a doctor...what type are you referring to??

And yes, I have thought about it the other way around (the girl being grossed out because a guy has penetrated other girls) and that's the main reason why I've decided to wait until marriage. My reasoning is simple: why should I be able to have sex if she can't. It really all goes back to my phobia (Wakeup nailed it, that's exactly what I have) of other guys di*k's being in my gf before me. I mean I'm a guy, isn't it normal to be repulsed by other guy's privates? Also, I love everything about women, and even more so if the girl was my gf, because even her faults I would like, so again it's got nothing to do with the girl and everything to do with the guy.

Also, here's a few questions I'll answer in case people are curious...

-I don't want a virgin to take her innocence (after all I'm a virgin too)
-I don't want a virgin because I'm afraid a more experienced girl would be better at sex than me (who cares if she's better, if she wants to teach me, I'm down, because that means more sex
-I'm not self conscience of my body or di*k. (I'm not a model or ripped but I'm athletic and very toned).
-I have no confidence issues whatsoever. I'm 23 and feel very fortunate to be where I am in life. I have an amazing and loving family and two great parents growing up. I have a great house, job, car and more money than most my age. There's really not much more I need in life right now. All that's really missing is finding a girl to love and care for and this sex thing is really the only thing that's stopping me from doing that.

[surfhb2]

I mean I'm a guy, isn't it normal to be repulsed by other guy's privates?

No...it isnt.....Especially in the context youre disscussing

this sex thing is really the only thing that's stopping me from doing that.

Yep.....thats why you should seek some help. This isnt normal behavior and its interfering in your life....make sense?

[Wakeup]

I'm referring to a psychoanalyst. I think you may have been sexually abused in your youth. (perhaps even by a male) Even if you haven't your aversion is unhealthy and bizaare in nature and it would do you well to get the professional help you need to overcome your FEAR.

I think its perfectly understandible to be reluctant to have sex with someone prior to making sure that they are STD/STI free and clear but cutting off your romantic nose to spite your face over a penis being in there (before you) period, isn't right thinking. Surely you want to get over this, right? So why not get the help you need to overcome your anxiety?

To add: In the meantime, why not join ChristianMingle or something similar so that your chances of finding a virgin will be a HELL OF A LOT higher then they would on a normal dating site.