Problems in relationship with a female friend.

[PhoenixL]

Hi all, new here.

Just looking for views on a situation I am currently struggling with, I've been in a relationship with my wife for 6 years now (we have been married for 3). About 6 months ago I started an evening class and made a new friend who is a woman who is about 4 years older than me and is single (she previously was married but is now divorced).

Now this friend has been very forward in the friendship, she talks to me like we have been friends for a very long time which obviously isn't the case, I don't mind this as I am quite an open person, but there are some things about her behaviour which concern me, namely:

- I drop her off after the classes because she doesn't drive and so she doesn't have to get the bus late in the evening, it's on the way so it doesn't bother me, sometimes she says I should come in for coffee, I never do because my wife is home waiting for me.

- She wanted me to work together on one of our assignments, I invited her round but she insisted that I came to her because she would need to get multiple buses to get to me (not the case, but there is a short walk from her house to the bus stop, it;s a lot of stops but it eventually gets there), we did do some work but she seemed more interested in having a chat and getting to know me better ( I will confess when invited to talk about myself I generally do....a bit of an ego thing).

- She messages me more than other friends do, it bothers my wife as sometimes it is late in the evening, often it is about class related things but sometimes it is just general chat.

- She has invited me to go away with her for some events related to what we are studying, I said I would see if my wife wants to come, she didn't seem keen on her coming as she didn't understand why just me and her couldn't go. My wife didn't want to go so I didn't go along.

- She invites me round for a chat/drink/food, I said I would bring my wife so they could get to know each other, she accepted but didn't seem keen on doing it again. We also went out for a meal and I bought my wife and she brought a friend, she spend the whole evening talking to me and mostly ignored my wife both times.

My wife doesn't really like her and doesn't trust her, as such she doesn't particularly like me spending time with her alone unless it's unavoidable.

Recently she invited me to watch something related to what we are studying, I spoke to my wife about it, she said she wasn't particularly comfortable with it but as it was related to my class it should be fine. As it got closer to the time she told me that she would be working later than expected and she would need to get some food before the event started, I said we could grab a burger or something, she suggested a restaurant (more sit down meal like) I said we wouldn't have time for that, she said we could leave the event and just have dinner together.

I told me wife about this and she wasn't happy and told me to ask her if it would be a problem if my wife coming. She told me she didn't think that my wife coming was a condition of me seeing her and she said she would talk to me about it when she next seen me.

My wife wasn't really happy about this and decided to message her (respectfully saying something along the lines of "back off, I'm not comfortable with you having dinner with my husband". Since then this woman has messaged me and made out that she has done nothing wrong and that I have dragged her into something that is clearly between me and my wife, she said she wants to talk to me about it before class later today, so I wanted to get some opinions before I have that chat.

This woman hasn't expressed any sexual interest in me, and I don't have any in her, I like talking to her and think she is an interesting person, but obviously prioritise my wife's feelings. I don't know what this woman's motives are.

My questions relating to this are as follows:

From what I have said, is there anything I could have done to prevent this from happening?

What is the best thing to do in relation to my friendship with this woman, it certainly is considerably more awkward now should I try to repair it or walk away from it as it presents a risk to my relationship?

Is my wife justified in being concerned about this when I am quite sure there isn't any romantic/sexual attraction at play?

Is it acceptable for a married man to go for a meal in a restaurant with another woman if that woman is just a friend?

Thanks in advance.

[Heatwave]

Your wife has the right to be worried. Even though she might trust you 100% it's the other woman that she's worried about. If this other woman just wanted to be friends then she would include your wife. I'm glad to hear that you have been honest with your wife with all of this. Just remember that you won't trust another man with your wife. Just as she don't trust this woman.

[Hooo!]

From how you write this you have concerns on your own that the girl wants more than just study.
Obviously your wife isn't ok with that. Obviously the girl would deny it

What I fail to get yet is what exactly you want in regard to the woman

[PhoenixL]

I've had a think about this since posting (and spoke to my wife again), and decided that putting an end to this situation is the best thing to do...I'm not going to socialise with her any more I'm being quite distant with her, I kind of feel bad pushing her away as she has only ever been nice to me, but she should have been more respectful of my wife and our relationship.

Thanks Heatwave - I think that is where she is coming from but I really do get the impression this woman just wants to be friends which is why I struggled with what to do, although I do admit her behaviour is strange...

Also thanks for your response Hooo! I do have some concerns, you're right (as I pointed out, I can't work out her motives), I guess I just enjoyed having someone to talk to in depth about the subject I'm studying, I obviously am interested in the subject which is why I took the class. If I'm being honest with myself I enjoy spending time with her, I find the things she says interesting and I guess I like the fact she seems to really want to spend time with me and the attention she seems to put my way, although I know that these things aren't good for my marriage and it's not good that I like attention from another women (even if it isn't sexual). I know I sound like a horrible person there, and that isn't to say I don't enjoy spending time with my wife or find her interesting, I really do. Looking at it this way I suppose I can see why my wife has concerns...Guess this re-enforces that I really do need to put a stop to this friendship.

[Hooo!]

We all enjoy a little flattery
Especially from intelligence and good looking women with a nice personality. Even more so if you do find her sexually attractive.
I do not think it is horrible to admit that.
And it certainly doesn't mean you love your wife less because of it.