I need some advise

[jasonsatmj]

This make take some time to read, but here goes.

I am a 27 yr old male. I have a 3.5 yr old sun. I was married at the age of 19. This past January my wife filed for divorce. For the first week or two I had a rough time trying to deal with the stress of this change of lifestyle I was about to face. But just like always time seemed to make it easier.

On March 5, I ran into a girl that I had went to high school with. We sat and talked until 4:00 am that night. She had just gone through a divorce. I should probably mention that the entire time we were in school together I had somewhat of a crush on her. I'm sure is was just one of those things everyone has expierenced. However after we spent so much time talking that night, I worked up the courage to ask her out, and yes she said "yes". We have seen each other every day since. I spend the night with her whenever her son and mine are with their other parent. We constantly talk on the phone. Meet each other for lunch 2-3 time a week. Her son and mine have become very close. My little boy loves her to death and I think her little one has taken a like'n to me as well. She, is very family oriented just as myself. Every evening afetr work we spend a lot of time visiting each other family. Now I hate to blow my own horn, but I have been a real success with the family. They all seem to really like me. Just as my family like her. This is just to give you a little background on us and our relationship.
Here is the problem:
About a month ago my doctor put me on Zoloft and Prilosect due to constant upset stomach. He says that the stress of going through the divorce is probably the root cause of my stomach pain. By the way the medicine is working great. Back to the problem. I know without a doubt that I have fallen in love with this girl, no questions asked. I am happier now than I can ever remember. I've been wanting to tell her my feelings but haven't because of the fear of maybe not hearing those three words back. Recently she has expressed her thought on me and or relationship. She feels I am not fully over my ex wife and I am in the "Rebound" phase and the "Mad" phase of divorce. She feels that if I were truly over the ex I wouldn't need to be on medication. She says she still trying to figure me out. I get the impression from her that she thinks I'm putting on this big show to try and impress her and once I've got her I will be this totally different person. I feel like I'm truly what she has been looking for, but she is afraid of letting herself fall for me because she's afraid of getting hurt. My question is, "How can I convince her that I am over the ex"? I don't want her to feel like she can't fall in love with me. In fact it's just the opposite. I know we haven't been dating long enough to discuss marriage or anything like that. However, I do feel like we have been together enough for her to not have any doubts about the way I feel for my ex-wife.

I know in my heart that I love this girl more than I ever loved my wife. That's probably not the right thing to say, but it's the truth and one can't change how they feel. I guess she too can't change how she feelsl. I think she has fallen for me somewhat but is scared to give me her whole heart.
How can I help her trust and belive me when I tell her I am over my ex-wife. How can I make her belive that she is the most important person in my life with the exception of my son. I will be totally honest, I kinda feel like a little kid when I'm around her, I find myself constantly thinking about her. I'm always trying to come up with new ideas of things to do just to bring a smile to her face. I am 100% in love with her. How can I help her feel like I am over the ex and it's okay for her to fall for me just as I have fallen for her?

[Tone]

Tell her all that. Let her know there's no way to proove your medical condition has anything to do with your ex-wife. And lastly tell her to just trust you.

Best of luck, great story, and a constant reminder no matter what we go through there's always hope.

[shh!]

Well, as the unofficial forum scrooge, I will say that you seem to be moving a bit fast. I mean really, your wife left in January and you already "love" this girl four months later? And THAT after you've only been seeing her for two months? Are you even divorced yet?

I don't know what Prilosect is, but Zoloft is an antidepressant. If you are taking it, there is clearly a problem. I think this girl sounds like she is thinking, which is good. (Too bad she has already done the family "mixing", though. I hate when people do that frivolously. It sucks for the kids.)

These are the signs I see that would indicate someone might still be thinking about their ex spouse:

depression
anger/hostility/jealousy towards ex, almost regardless of divorce circumstances
lack of divorce papers
desperation to reform an intact family unit

Good luck, but I think you ought to slow down a lot.

[Tone]

Yeah after reading what shh wrote I have to agree... I overlooked that it's only been a few months... maybe you are trying to rush things in an attempt to hurry and get over your ex-wife and you are trying too fast to make things happen with this girl.

Just slow it down a bit.