Old G/F is back...need some thoughful advice

[fopguy1]

Ok, here is the synopsis:

I had a g/f in high school, 15 years ago. She was very special and we had a unique connection. We dated for a year or so, and then ended up going our own ways. We both married young and had/have kids (ages 5 - 11).

Well, I've never forgotten her over all the years and have often thought about her. At times wishing she was around to talk to. She said the same, and tried looking me up a few times over the years too.

Well, we got back in touch via facebook recently (Thanks Facebook!), and it turns out she is now living about an hour away from me. She lives in a very small country town, me in a middle size city. Both of our marriages are "marginal", I've been though plenty of counseling sessions with my wife over the years, and she has had a lot of difficulties in hers as well.

We have been emailing and talking lately, and while neither of us are good at communicating our feelings (my therapy helped!, lifes too short!), we have professed to each other that we still have such strong feelings for one another. I love her, as she does me. Intensely. Its weird, I can only guess that this is what "true love" is, because its totally crazy and like nothing else I have experienced with different girls I have dated. I just feel like we were meant to be together, but life pulled us in different directions.

I want to meet her for lunch or coffee, but am scared to do so. I am a "traditionalist" I guess you would say, and don't like the idea of divorce, or damaging someone elses marriage (although it is already pretty damaged it sounds like).

While I cherish the opportunity to be friends with her again, I know myself, and am going to want more. Everything about her makes me smile and happy, I feel like would be crazy not to turn my life upside down to be with her.

HELP!!!



FOPGUY1

[vashti]

Jeezus, buddy! This isn't "true love" - it's desperation born from unhappy marriages. And why are they unhappy? Because 50% of the participants are investing themselves in pretend, fairy tale relationships rather than working out their marital issues. Haven't you ever heard the saying "you can never go home again"?

You both have young children. Please act responsibly. Quit interacting with people that will put you in a position to hurt them.

[fopguy1]

Here's the thing though...my relationship is not THAT bad.. And at times off and on it has been great. I am very active in my current marriage. I am not desperate to get out of my marriage or into another relationship. I have had plenty of girlfriends prior to getting married, and I haven't had second thoughts about most of them.. this one is different!

[lahnnabell]

If you're not desperately looking for an outlet outside of your marriage than why are you seeking this woman out and professing your love for her? If you were really "active" in your marriage, you wouldn't be devoting time and attention that should be reserved for the family you currently have. With children involved this makes your decisions even more precarious.

What exactly do you want from your life?

[Heratriumphant]

Just to be clear Fop, you're having an affair. Right now.

I know you haven't even met up with her yet, but what the two of you are doing IS an affair.