She told me she didn't want a boyfriend right now, but...

**Prerequisite** · 18-09-08, 04:54 PM

Hello all,

Well, I have been in the talking stages with this girl since around the end of June. We'll call her Jessica. Jessica & I met through a week long program for college over the summer. At the end of the program, she expressed on how she had a crush on me, in which I was happy because I had one on her. Two months pass, and college begins. We hung out together almost everyday, flirted alot, I met her friends, and was also able to get to know her better.

To make a long story short, she has a "shield" per say when it comes to relationships. Her past relationship lasted about 1.5 years, but Jessica & her boyfriend broke up because he became distant, he didn't try to keep her interests, and their connection to each other was nonexistent at that point. She believes that her next boyfriend will just want her for sex & not try to make her feel special after she says "yes" to becoming his girlfriend. Being one of the few, I'm not a guy that has it on his mind 24/7, I actually enjoy the aspect of relationships. With this theory, I thought that I would be able to show her that what she is thinking is not true, because I really liked her. She also avoids talking about relationships, but will bad talk them if she can.

Two weeks into school, I took Jessica out to eat to show her the town and to find out what she thinks about me. I indirectly asked her questions about relationships, or more in particularly, us. She told me that she was not looking/wanting a boyfriend right now because she just started college, she doesn't want to worry about a boyfriend when going out, & she is still trying to find herself. She then followed up by asking if I would still talk to her after that night (because she told me this information). I told her yes, because that was the main goal of the night to hear what it was all about. Furthermore, she asked if we could keep it at the level we were at. Now, I didn't know whether she wanted us to still flirt or if she didn't want me to bring up the topic of relationships anymore. I told her yes.

For some reason, I figured that I would still do my flirting & hang out with her, instead of getting the mind set of her not wanting a boyfriend. My friends told me, in so many words, that she had me on hold (as in a phone), but I need to hang up & maybe call back later, and dial other numbers. An incident happened to where Jessica & I stopped talking for about 1.5 weeks, but we just made up recently. She had a male friend coming up for the weekend, in which she for some reason tried to keep as a secret from me. I'm not the jealous type or really cared that a guy was coming up, but it's the fact that I felt as if I was "getting played". I didn't need her to tell me, but the way I found out was a way that made me mad a tid bit. In the midst of us talking our issues out, she indirectly still stated that she didn't want a boyfriend.

During that time span of not talking to her, I met another young lady named Brittney. Brittney & I had chemistry right off the bat, & have the same goals set on life. She is one of the few who are ambitious & not afraid to speak her mind. It originally began by Brittney asking if I could tutor her in one of the classes that we had together. Brittney & I have chilled outside of class by laying under me while watching movies together or going out to eat. Brittney and I kissed the other day when I was leaving, which caught me off-guard, but in a good way.

I thought about my past and how I hurt myself in terms of waiting for people and missing chances, going for someone I know that doesn't want me, etc. But now, I've found one that I like whom also likes me, thus can initiate a relationship. Jessica has no clue of Brittney & visa verse. I am far from the asshole type or hurting people's feelings.

How do I go about telling Jessica about Brittney? It's okay to indulge in a relationship with Brittney, right? I may have given Jessica the impression that I would wait for her, but I sincerely hope I didn't. I don't want Jessica to think that I am with Brittney out of spite/jealously or to get back at her, because I am full fledged not. I don't want to lose Jessica as a friend because of the chemistry that we have on a friendship level. Again, Jessica and i never dated, & I will potentially indulge in a relationship with Brittney.

Edit: To also add, Jessica told me she had a crush on me right after the summer program ended, but had never expressed feelings on that level anymore since that. When we had our talk in the process of making up, I asked her what she didn't want to tell me while she was with a group of her friends (Jessica & I were talking, she began telling the story, but stopped). She said that she told them that she thinks that she was beginning to like me more than a friend.

Sorry for the long drawn-out paragrsphs/bad grammar, thanks for taking the time to read it.

**NeoSeminole** · 19-09-08, 02:19 AM

OP, don't tell "Jessica" about Brittney. Understand that you owe her nothing. You already tried to get with her and she turned you down. Also, she didn't bother to tell you about her male friend coming up to visit her. So why would you let her know you're interested in another girl? No good can come from it. If anything, you will ruin your chances of ever getting with "Jessica" in the future.