Do Men Prefer Male or Female Counselors?

[celestialxs]

I would like to go to couples counseling with my guy, but am afraid that he won't want to go until I go by myself first.
I'd like to set up an appointment, just for myself first, with a counselor whom I hope will eventually counsel both of us together.
I don't care either way, but I'd like my guy to feel comfortable; so do men generally have a gender preference? If so, what is their preference?

[Junket]

I think it's dependent upon the situation.

Why don't you ask him?

[celestialxs]

I think it's dependent upon the situation.

Why don't you ask him?

Well, he thinks I'm the one who needs counseling, not the both of us. He thinks I've brought baggage into our relationship and that I need to get through that baggage before we can continue in the relationship.

The thing is that he's brought some baggage in as well. I feel we've both gotten past most of our baggage from past relationships, but are now creating baggage in this one. That's why I think we need to go to couples counseling, but I don't think he'll be up for it.

So, it would seem kind of weird if I asked him what gender counselor he prefers if I'm choosing one for me.

I know I should just ask him, flat out, to go with me, but I'm scared that it will cause an argument while we're in such a vulnerable state already. He thinks if we break up and I work on my so-called "baggage," then we can get back together and we won't bicker anymore and our sex-life will improve. I personally don't know how that will work because those problems are OUR relationship problems, not MY baggage. So,

Anyway, I also just thought I'd get the opinion of some men here (a) to do some research on the counselors my insurance referred me to, and (b) out of curiousity.

[Gigabitch]

I put a vote in for female because when I tried to get my ex to go to a counselor, he had major authority issues with the men.

[celestialxs]

I put a vote in for female because when I tried to get my ex to go to a counselor, he had major authority issues with the men.

Thanks, I really appreciate your input.

[Junket]

Couples counseling...is for couples.

Tell him you'd really like it if he came with you. Go once or twice, without getting into anything to deep (or you might scare him away), and ask him what he thinks of the counselor/sessions.

The thing about counseling is that if a person doesn't look to get anything out of it, they won't. If he refuses without even givin' it a try, this'll show how much support he's willing to give you.

[celestialxs]

Couples counseling...is for couples.

Tell him you'd really like it if he came with you. Go once or twice, without getting into anything to deep (or you might scare him away), and ask him what he thinks of the counselor/sessions.

The thing about counseling is that if a person doesn't look to get anything out of it, they won't. If he refuses without even givin' it a try, this'll show how much support he's willing to give you.

You're right. My parents and my best friend said the same thing. I guess I'm just afraid to find out that he's not willing to give me support.

Thanks for your input, Fras!

[Gribble]

As a couple I don't think it would matter.

I went to a counseling session once by myself and my counselor was beyond gorgeous. I couldn't reveal anything negative or vulnerable to her.

Of course I doubt many counselors are that hot, so it's kind of a moot point.

[celestialxs]

As a couple I don't think it would matter.

I went to a counseling session once by myself and my counselor was beyond gorgeous. I couldn't reveal anything negative or vulnerable to her.

Of course I doubt many counselors are that hot, so it's kind of a moot point.

Well, oddly enough, I've already thought about that, should I/we choose a female counselor. Yeah...she won't be hot.

My ex-roomate went to a female counselor and developed a crush. It was small and short-lived, but he said kind of the same thing. His crush made it tougher to open up.

As a couple, it shouldn't matter, but I want him to feel comfortable. Thanks for your view.

[Gigabitch]

My ex and I went to one that he didn't take very seriously because she was too soft and girlie. I suggest finding someone older, plain-spoken and almost brusque. Make you feel like you're getting your money's worth.

[celestialxs]

My ex and I went to one that he didn't take very seriously because she was too soft and girlie. I suggest finding someone older, plain-spoken and almost brusque. Make you feel like you're getting your money's worth.

Very good idea Giga. I never really thought about age, but now that you mention it, it would probably make ME feel a little better if we went to someone older and more established in the field. I also liked Fras's idea of going to a session and getting each other's feedback on the counselor.

Maybe I get up the guts to talk to him about it and see what he thinks. I know that would be the best thing to do. However, I really value the ideas and suggestions I get from this forum. It helps me keep an open mind.

[Henry123]

I think it also depends (speaking from what other male friends have told me).
For some guys they are stubborn and wont consider taking advice from any females (my father is like that). Others need a man to man disucussion.
Some guys quite frankly are too dumb to admit the relationship is on the rocks.
Not to say that some women arnt abit too needy and clinging either and have their own issues.

[IndiReloaded]

I put a vote in for female because when I tried to get my ex to go to a counselor, he had major authority issues with the men.

I've been to couples counselling & had the opposite experience. In my case we needed to see a male b/c my partner wouldn't respect a woman's opinion, no matter her training.

[vashti]

Are you sure you actually NEED couples counseling? In my experience, many unmarried people who go this route simply don't belong together, and don't want to admit it. I am a fan of pre MARITAL counseling, but other than that, I think if you need counseling in order to get along, you either aren't meant to be, or you have individual issues that need to be fixed.

As for the male/female question... I think men will prefer whomever they feel will side with them more often, be they male or female. Women do, too.

[Tedel]

I voted female because men usually reply to your questions in a too-chauvinist manner —I must admit.